Dinosaur Sweet Tooth

So, Troy dressed up as T-Rex for Halloween this year. Every year, we let him pick, and he comes up with some idea off the top of his head. Then, it’s our job to find him a costume. He, of course, has the last word in exactly which one we get before we can push the “Add to Cart” button.

He picked a realistic-looking brown T-Rex costume with a tail, claws, and mask that covered his entire head. My wife decided that it’d be fun for me to dress up too, so she got me a raptor head and claws. Which came in handy, because the mask on Troy’s costume was too small, and he ended up wearing my raptor head instead. I’m not sure how I feel about the fact that his head is almost the same size as mine.

On the night, we set a bowl of candy out on the front porch, in case trick-or-treaters came while we were gone, and headed around the neighborhood. Everyone was excited by Troy’s costume, and he was excited to roar at them for candy. Once again, he was very polite, telling everyone “Thank you!” and wishing them all a “Happy Halloween!” before departing for the next house.

Unfortunately, there weren’t as many decorated houses this year, which is what Troy enjoys the most. I mean he’s been bugging us to take him to see Halloween decorations for a month already. But he enjoyed seeing everyone else’s costumes, and he even complimented a few older kids on their choices, much to their surprise. So, I guess that made up for it.

My wife went back home to check on the candy bowl and get dinner started, so my mom and I were left with the task of trying to wrangle Troy home. He wanted to stop at…every…single…house to make sure that he maximized his candy intake, even though his pumpkin (and my pockets) was overflowing. At some point, I was getting so hungry that I decided to sample a piece of his bounty. Troy immediately started yelling at me not to eat it until he’d had a chance to check it. I guess they’d taught them at the daycare to be safe and let their parents check all their candy. And if your parents are the ones eating it, then I guess the baby has to check it instead.

Flying Witches

Troy: “Dada, I want the broom, so I can fly around like a witch.”
Me: “Well, I’m using it at the moment, but I’ll let you know when I’m done.”

A few minutes later…

Troy: “Are you done yet? I need my broom!”
Me: “No, not yet.”
Troy: “Are you kidding me right now?!”

Pumpkin Picasso

Troy carved his first pumpkin today. I think they’d cut a pumpkin open at the daycare and had all the kids reach in and pull out seeds and “guts,” so that part probably wasn’t a new experience. But this time he got to actually handle the carving knife and cut along the lines my wife had drawn along the outside. He loved seeing it transform into a face, with triangle eyes and nose and a jagged toothy grin. Afterward, we put a light inside so he could see the face light up. Pretty cool first round.

As an add-on, Troy and I also painted some of his smaller pumpkins. I managed to paint a partial face on one before Troy sprinkled it with paint. The look on the face was one of surprise at being so violated. The rest were a beautiful abstract blend of colors all the way up to the tip of the stem! It didn’t matter what it looked like, though. Troy and I had fun spending time together. No rules, no agenda, just artistic freedom.

Turn It On Slowly

Troy: “We need to turn the TV on slowly. We don’t want it to be too loud, because Gammy is still sleeping. And we don’t to wake her up, because then she’ll be really mad. So turn it on slowly.”
Me: “Do you mean quietly?”
Troy: “Yeah, turn it on quietly, so we don’t wake Gammy up.”

The Rise of TRYX

My mom came up this weekend to celebrate Halloween with us. Troy had been asking to see her, so it was the perfect time for her to visit. The last few weeks, she had been working on a special project for him, and she wanted to deliver it. I had mentioned to her that Troy loved capes and had been wrapping anything he could around his neck…blankets, dish towels, shirts, dada…to pretend it was a cape. So, she made him his very own cape!

Troy’s favorite color is green, so one side of the cape is green and the other is black. It’s reversible, so he can choose whichever color he’s in the mood for at the time and display it. In the middle of the cape, she sewed a picture of a T-Rex since dinosaurs are still his thing, and T-Rex is still his favorite. Needless to say, it was pretty awesome. And needless to say, Troy loved it!

He kept running around the house, pretending that he had super speed (all we saw was a blur). Then, he enveloped himself in it like it was a cocoon of protection (my tickling fingers couldn’t get through). And he pretended that his normal dinosaur roar was even louder and more ferocious than normal (we all cowered in fear).

To top it off, my mom had surprised me with a cape too! Mine had a black wolf on it, since I’m a werewolf, and Troy always associates wolves with me. It’s kind of a burgundy red on one side and black on the other…very cool. So, I donned my cape and chased after the little dinosaur boy.

Inspired by Troy transforming into a superhero right before my eyes, I decided to give him a digital upgrade as well. So, I made him an entire superhero costume, also green and black, and also with a T-Rex logo. Then, I added it to one of his pictures. I enhanced his height and musculature to full-grown adult, but left his clean-shaven baby face. And Troy-Rex (or TRYX for short) was born. The name was a play on T-Rex, but with a little something to make him unique. Also, I liked the subtle undertone that he’s a tricksy imp!

I further gave TRYX an entire persona and fleshed out his superpowers, modeling them after T-Rex’s characteristics. He’d have amplified eyesight, hearing, and smell; as well as, enhanced strength and speed, of course. He’d also have skin impervious to most weapons and enhanced healing…just because. For special powers, he’d have a supersonic roar that could not only blow things away from him, but at the highest volume and intensity, could also completely rip things apart. And he’d have the ability to jump off the ground and spin around in a whirlwind, using his cape to perform a “Tail Whip.”

Out of Spite

We continue to struggle with Troy peeing in his underwear and refusing to let us know that he needs to go potty. We were at the nature park for about four hours today, and Troy peed four times, twice in his underwear without warning. We know that he can hold it for up to at least three hours, because he’s done that at home before. So, I’m not sure why he had to go so often or why he wouldn’t tell us when he had to go. He also has zero issues at the daycare. But for some reason at home, all bets are off.

Tonight, we were watching a little TV, and I realized that it had been over two hours since Troy had last peed. So, I told him that we needed to go. He, of course, immediately told me “No,” but I headed to the bathroom anyway. As I waited for him to join me in the bathroom, Troy ran from me…and peed in his underwear.

I’m so frustrated by this. Even when we catch it and try to get him to go in the bathroom, he’d still rather go in his underwear. I don’t know what else to do. I know he CAN do it, but he won’t!

Heard-ing Cats...Er, Three-Year Olds

We took Troy to the Heard Natural Science Museum and Wildlife Sanctuary again today, but this time we invited his two girl friends Misha and Sasha to come along with us. Our intent was for them to enjoy the new batch of animatronic dinosaurs, but honestly we could have saved the money and the travel time and taken them to the playground instead. All they wanted to do was play in the little ghost town of houses. They made up stories about monsters, castles and knights, cooking, and dinosaurs. And they used the houses, a few beach pails, and a whole lot of dirt to act them out.

It was a nice day, and all of them had fun together. As usual, I was the built-in manny, providing free childcare, while my wife and the girls’ moms chatted. Bad knee and all, I hobbled around engaging them and helping them, like I had three kids instead of one. Someone even asked me how old my kids were, so I guess he thought they were all mine. Fine by me, they’re all great kids. I love each one and their little personality quirks.

The Pumpkin Patch

Tonight, we decided to pick up Troy early from daycare and take him to a pumpkin patch. He’s never been before, and we thought he’d love to see all the different sizes and shapes, and to pick out his very own pumpkin to decorate. What we didn’t count on was that he’d want more than one pumpkin…more like five of them and six different gourds! But it’s really hard to tell him no when he’s being so good, and he has that cute little look on his face…that innocent, childlike wonderment. So, now we have a boatload of pumpkins and gourds sitting in our house waiting for adornment.

Sweetheart

I was lying down with a headache today, and I heard this through the door.

Troy: “Where’s dada, mama?”
My Wife: “He’s laying down, baby. He’s not feeling well.”
Troy: “I want to go in there and give him a hug.”
My Wife: “No, let’s leave him alone, baby.”Troy: “But I need to give him a hug. It’ll make him feel better.”

My heart melted…and I did feel better, just knowing he was saying that. He's a sweetheart!

The Dark Woods

Troy: “Let’s go down there into the dark woods.”
Me: “You’re not scared to go in there?”
Troy: “No, not really. I have pecans for all the monsters. They’ll be so happy, they won’t eat me.”
Me: “That’s smart thinking! Wait…what about me?”
Troy: “Sorry, but I only have pecans for me, dada.”

Cast Off

Today was the big day. Troy finally got his cast off after a month of awkward uncomfortableness in the bed, accidentally beating us senseless, and mostly-successfully limiting his running and jumping. It's hard to believe it's already been four weeks, but it's probably felt like an eternity to him. He still has another four weeks of non-activity to let his atrophied muscle recover its strength. I think this part is going to be even harder, because he no longer has the cast to remind him that there's a problem. One step at a time.

Ex-Godmother

Can you fire one of your godparents? Has anyone ever done that? Is it like a job? If they’re not fulfilling the requirements of the position, can you move on and fill it with someone more qualified?

We chose Troy’s godmother, because she was very caring and loving toward her own kids. She’s smart, sweet, and most of all a Christian. But she’s also flaky, inattentive, and virtually non-existent. All the things we loved about how she treated her own family didn’t extend beyond to Troy. Even though she’s only 20 min away, she makes little to no effort to try to see Troy. And even if she makes plans, she always finds a way to “get out” of them.

For example, the day after Troy broke his wrist, she was supposed to come over and see him. But when she found out he’d broken his wrist, she decided to go do something else instead. He was feeling down, scared and unsure, and suddenly being told that he couldn’t play like he used to. He could have used some focus time to cheer him up, but because it wasn’t the best situation for her, she flaked out.

There are many other examples, but I think this illustrates my point. So, I want to trade her in, decommission her, fire her; but it’s been three and a half years. Is there a probationary period, and have we passed it? Are godparent choices for forever? This is unchartered territory for me.

I realize that there is nothing legally binding about this title, but you’re supposed to take it seriously, right? I mean this is a person that you chose to take care of your child in the unlikely event that something suddenly brings about your demise. And since my son is the most important thing to me, I don’t want him to end up with substandard care because of tradition. I want someone that truly adores him like I do.

I think I’ve answered my own question. Now, do I need to formally inform this person, or can I simply replace her with the assumption that she won’t really care anyway, as her actions have shown? Kind of pull the Milton from Office Space on her…move her to the basement and cut off her paycheck…let it sort itself out.

Magical Walks

Me: “This is a special part of our walk.”

Troy: “Why, dada?”

Me: “Because it’s magical. See, this is the magic pecan grove with the talking squirrels.”

Troy: “Yeah, he was eating the pecans.”

Me: “The pecans on these trees are magic also. If we were to eat them, we’d turn into squirrels too. See, the talking squirrels used to be humans, but they ate the magic pecans and now they’re stuck forever as squirrels.”

Troy: “I don’t want to be a squirrel.”

Me: “Me either.”

Me: “Ooh, look at that! Do you see the wolf footprint?”

Troy: “Where? I don’t see it, dada.”

Me: “It’s right there.”

Troy: “I see it! It’s so big!”

Me: “Yeah, he must have been out prowling last night.”

Troy: [looking at me suspiciously from the side of his eye] “Are you a werewolf?”

Me: “I’m always a werewolf, but I’m a man right now. I’m only a wolf by night. But it’s getting close to a full moon when I’ll turn into a wolf; just a few more days. It’s probably why I’ve been growling at you so much lately.”

Troy: “Well, I’m going to put you outside, so you can be a wolf outside. There’s no werewolves in the house!”

Troy: “I’m getting sleepy, dada.”

Me: “Me too. I think a wizard put a sleeping spell on these trees. We have to fight it, because if we fall asleep, then he’ll get us!”

Troy: “Yeah. I’m really tired.”

Me: “Okay, you can close your eyes. I have to get us out of this forest fast!”

Me: “Oh, it’s really windy in this part of the forest.”

Troy: “Be careful, dada. It’s a big wind, and it’ll blow us away!”

Me: “Thanks, bud. I wouldn’t want to get blown away in a big wind again like that one time at the lake.”

Troy: “Exactly, that was scary.”

Troy: “What’s this button, dada?”

Me: “That’s a special button. If you press it then a protective shield surrounds the stroller and keeps you safe. If you press it again, then it goes away.”

Troy: [pressing button] “But I don’t see it, dada. Where is it?”

Me: “Ah, that’s because it’s invisible. But trust me, it’s there.”

Troy: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Positive.”

Troy: “And what does this button do?”

Me: “That button will send out electricity to anyone that attacks your protective shield. One button is for defense, and the other is for offense.”

Troy: “I’m not going to press that button yet.”

Me: “Probably for the best.”

Me: “Uh oh.”

Troy: “What’s wrong, dada?”

Me: “We’re entering the spooky woods. See how the trees are dark and scary?”

Troy: “Yeah. And at night the trees come alive and grab people and eat them!”

Me: “Well, luckily it’s not night right now then. I don’t feel like being eaten by a tree.”

Troy: “Yeah, me either. Or a ghost. Or a werewolf. Or a vampire. They all live in the spooky woods with the trees.”

Me: “Sounds like a very scary place.”

Troy: “Don’t worry, dada. I pressed the button. We’re safe now.”

Me: “Thanks, bud. I appreciate that.”

Gorilla

GRRRROOOOWWWWLLL!

Me: “That sounds like a crocodile.”
Troy: “It’s not a crocodile, it’s a monster gorilla. And he has giant nipples that he uses to scare people!”
Me: “….”
My wife: [snickering]