Bad Parents

Today, we found out that in a couple of weeks Troy will be graduating from the infant classroom to the young toddler classroom. Normally, this news might make most parents happy, to think of their baby growing up and demonstrating the skills necessary to make it with the next level. But not us. This has to do mostly with the list that they gave us to prepare us for how this class is different from the last. Apparently, Troy should already be demonstrating things like drinking from a Sippy Cup, doing away with bottles and pacifiers, and sleeping on a cot instead of a crib. We’re way behind! We've been focused on eating solid foods and walking.

A month ago at Troy’s 9-month check-up, the doctor was grilling us on what Troy is doing now, so he could get a feel of how Troy is progressing in his development of fine motor skills. I’m ashamed to say that Troy failed, which really means we failed. It wasn’t so much that Troy is incapable, but more that he hadn’t had the opportunities to demonstrate the skills, so we’re not sure if he could do them or not. Since that day, we've been working with him on things and constantly challenging him to ascertain what he's truly capable of, which we could have been doing if we'd had the list BEFORE the appointment.

This leads me to my frustration and question. How are parents supposed to know what they’re supposed to be working on with their babies? How are they supposed to know what they don't know? We have been letting nature guide us by waiting for something to express itself and then nurturing the behavior with encouragement and mentoring. Like when he seemed like he wanted to roll over, or crawl, or stand, or walk. We constantly engage him, read to him, play him music, show him things in the work around him, take him places. While this is good, it isn't focused enough on the skills he needs to be learning.

Apparently, there is a very specific list of things we were supposed to be teaching him instead. How on earth am I supposed to know that we need to give him a piece of string to see how he picks it up? And not just picks it up, but picks it up with him fingertips instead of his whole hand? Or that we need to let him bang things together? Or that him standing isn’t enough, he needs to do it without leaning on anything? Or that we need to start transitioning Troy off of bottles and pacifiers and over to Sippy Cups? And the list goes on and on. Some of these things seem dangerous or obnoxious, so my natural inclination would be to stop the behavior, not to foster it.

Regardless. This is our first baby, so how are we supposed to know these things?! Our we bad parents for not doing the right thing by our son? Or are we just naive and in need of more guidance? Was there a manual issued at the hospital that we left behind? Troy is happy, out-going, fun, and learning new things every day. We thought that was enough. Apparently, we were wrong.