The Misadventures of Biggie and Smalls

There was a potential Covid exposure at the daycare, so we felt it was safer not to take Troy in today. It would have been his first day in his new classroom, but we feel that the daycare made some poor decisions that unnecessarily exposed the teachers and students to a known Covid positive environment. We didn’t want Troy in that mess, so I took the day off, and we had a guy’s day.

The first thing we did was to call Troy’s Big Daddy to sing him a happy birthday. We got to video chat with him and Big Mama, and they got to enjoy listening to Troy speak a hundred miles a minute and watching Troy wrestle me down on the bed. When we finished our call, we got ready for our adventure.

I didn’t want to just sit around the house, trying to make the same old toys and games exciting. We do that almost every weekend, and he’d done it yesterday when the daycare was closed. So, I decided to pack Troy up and head to the Grapevine Mills Mall. He’d never been to the mall before, and I thought he might enjoy the overload of sights and sounds and people. I was also hoping walking around the mall would tucker his little body out.

From the get go, Troy was amazing. He obediently wore his mask without complaint or attempt to remove it. He faithfully held my hand as we navigated the mall, although I think he was just as scared at being lost in the crowd as I was at losing him. And he didn’t throw a single temper tantrum or act out the entire time. I rewarded him by following him into whatever store he chose and letting him play with, touch, and talk about whatever he found.

He was a blast to hang out with. I’ve never seen someone get so excited about everything. A woman in one of the stores even made a comment when she saw how enthusiastic and overjoyed Troy got about a motorized car, describing every detail to me…it’s mirrors, doors, steering wheel. He wanted to pick up and check out every toy or “mysterious” new thing he saw. But he didn’t ask me to buy him anything. He just played with it for a few seconds, and then he put it right back on the shelf in the exact place he’d found it and moved on to something else. And each time he’d say, “We’ll have to come back for that.”

We visited a bookstore, mostly because they had lots and lots of toys as well. Of course, he found dinosaurs there. He seems to find them everywhere he goes! And he found figurines and superheroes from his favorite videos and movies, correctly telling me the names of each one. I, for my part, asked him questions and dutifully made appropriate comments, just engaging him and being interested in what he was looking at. You know, just spending time with him and enjoying what he enjoyed.

After that we went to a toy store, the Disney Store, and a store with accessories for young women (I tried to tell him that it wasn’t a toy store, but he was insistent). We also spun a giant wheel to win a vacation to…Dallas (yes, the stupid wheel landed on the exact city we were standing in), touched the fake grass on a smoothie kiosk, played with every single toy at every single kiosk along our path, and watched the carousel in the food court. Finally, we ended up at the Rain Forest Cafe, where we checked out the animatronic crocodile and boa constrictor, watched the fish in the giant blue tanks, talked to a gorilla hiding in a tree (it was really just a face in the tree, but Troy insisted it was a gorilla), and played with all of the toys in the gift shop.

Troy was getting tuckered out by this point, so I carried him the rest of the around the mall and out to the car. We stopped for some lunch on the way home before he passed out for his nap.

When he woke up, I asked him if he’d had a good nap, and Troy said, “Yeah, now I’m all ready for my chocolate cake.” I had gotten him a mini chocolate Bundt cake at The Corner Bakery for being such a good boy today, but I wouldn’t let him eat it because I told him the sugar would make him amped and crazy. He followed up by saying, “I’m going to eat my cake and then I’m going to be like this!” And he proceeded to shake his arms and legs and head in a random chaotic fashion while screaming, just like I had done when I was trying to demonstrate why he couldn’t have his cake yet. He’s hilarious.

Later on, we went upstairs to play, and we discovered that our robotic lizards had turned into zombies! We spent the next hour running from the “zizards” (zombie lizards), as they chased us around the room. We topped it off with a round of zebra-lawn mower racing, before calling it a day and heading down for dinner. We both had a good time today, and I was glad for the chance to spend some quality time with Troy.

Mustache Chips

When I picked Troy up from daycare today, I told him that I had a special treat for him. I had brought him a piece of chocolate (which subsequently had melted in the two minutes it took me to walk inside and collect him from his classroom…that’s how hot it is here right now). He immediately lit up and asked, “Mustache chips?” I was taken aback, because one I had no idea what that was, and two because it was so oddly specific. I had to ask my wife later what the heck mustache chips were, and she burst out laughing. Apparently, it’s was Troy calls Pringles, because the guy on the can has a curly mustache. Now, every time I see them, I can’t help but call them mustache chips!

No Time for Hugs

My wife is sick this morning, which means I have to get Troy ready and take him to school. I knew this would happen last night, so I made a plan, mapping out how it would have to go for me to make it home for my first meeting of the day. Everything was going fine until I tried to lift Troy off the changing table to put his clothes on. He wrapped his little arms around my neck, climbed into my arms, and clung to me. When I tried to extricate myself from his grasp, he said, “I want a hug, dada.” All I could think about was how this wasn’t part of the plan. There was no time in the schedule for a hug.

Luckily, he wouldn’t take no for an answer, and he kept holding me. And luckily, I was smart enough to realize that nothing in the plan was more important than this beautiful moment right here with my son. So I took a deep breath, slowed down, and just hugged him back. I can’t believe I almost missed that, because I was in such a hurry. And in the end, he made it to school exactly when I had planned. I didn’t even need to worry. It seems God had put buffer time in the schedule for hugs.

See you later...alli...uh, dinosaur

Troy insisted on taking his new Therizinosaurus with him in the car this morning. (Truth be told, he tried to sleep with it, and it had to eat breakfast with him.) When my wife got to the school and was unbuckling him from his carseat, Troy turned to his dinosaur that was sitting on the arm rest next to him and said, “Time to go to school, dinosaur, see you later.” She said it was the cutest thing ever!

Small Victories

Some of you might find this post disturbing to read. Honestly, it feels weird writing it. But it’s a milestone in Troy’s evolution, so it needs to be recorded. Tonight, while he was in the bath, Troy told me that he felt poop coming out. He said he wanted to go to the toilet, so I picked him up and carried him in there. It took him a few minutes to relax enough to accomplish the goal, but we had success! Troy’s first poop on the toilet. It also happened to complete his toilet dinosaur chart, so we were able to reward him with a prize. I thought this was monumental enough to warrant a big prize, so I gave him the Therizinosaurus, the latest antagonist from Jurassic World: Dominion. He loved it with its bird feathers and gigantic claws, but will it make enough impact to convince Troy to tell us more often that he needs to go to the potty? Or was it simply because he didn't have the safety of the diaper to fall back on? For now, we'll take the small victory.

Starry Night

My wife stayed home from work today, so since we were all home, we decided to put some glow-in-the-dark stars up in Troy's bedroom. We were trying to get Troy involved, so we lifted him up on top of the dresser and let him put some of the stars up wherever he wanted. He enjoyed it for a while, but then his two T-Rexs got into a fight, and he had to go deal with that. And that left my wife and I to finish up by ourselves.

Since my wife is trying to live vicariously through Troy (she didn't get to decorate her room in glowing stars when she was a kid), we had plenty of stars to work with. I made some constellations and star clusters, just to make it interesting. And tonight the room was aglow with celestial bodies, fireflies, and a happy moon. Troy won't need a nightlight anymore with these things lighting up the room every night. It does give it a cool ambience though.

Going on a Bear Hunt

Lately, Troy's been listening to this children's song called "Going on a Bear Hunt." In the song, these two children decide to hunt down a bear. Their journey takes them through some tall grass, across a river, through a muddy swamp, and into a dark cave. Inside the cave, they encounter something scary and sinister, and they realize that the bear is in there with them. They quickly make their way out of the cave, back through the muddy swamp, across the rive, through the tall grass, and safely back inside their house. Where they both agree never to go on a bear hunt again.

Out of the blue today, Troy started singing the song (or as many made-up lyrics as he could muster), and I decided it would be fun to create a real-life bear hunt for him. So, I put the coat rack and a lamp upstairs to be a black forest, hanging a sinister blue snake from the branches. I put a dark-blue blanket on the floor in a wavy configuration to be a ferocious river. And I stacked up a huge pile of pillows to be an impassable mountain. And if he made it through all of this, he'd find himself in a pitch-black "cave," where I hid his giant teddy bear just barely visible in the low light.

Troy loved it! He was singing the song along with my wife and I, as he traversed the obstacles at warp speed. "We're going on a bear hunt [we're going on a bear hunt]. I've got my binoculars [I've got my binoculars]. I'm not scared [I'm a little scared]. Uh-oh there's a big river. We can't go over it [we can't go over it]. We can't go under it [we can't go under it]. We're just going to have to swim it [I hope it's not too chilly]. Splash! Splash! Splash! Splash!" Of course when he was done, he wanted to go on a dragon hunt and then a monster hunt. I'm glad we could provide him a little unexpected entertainment today.

When It Rains, It Pours

And if it ever rained at all this summer, it would be pouring at our house. Troy woke up with pinkeye again today. True to form, he never gets sick or hurt during the week, only on a weekend when the doctor is closed, and we have to take him to urgent care. Luckily, we still had some drops left from his last bout with it, so we were able to get him started on the antibiotics early instead of waiting until lunch when the urgent care opens. Of course, the moment he saw the towel and drops bottle, he went ballistic. We tried to calm him down, so he’s not traumatized by the experience. But we gave up and held him down, prying his eye lids apart.

If that wasn’t bad enough, the ringworm that we had under control came back on his other butt cheek, which means they still haven’t dealt with it at the daycare. This is beyond frustrating for us, because they don’t seem to be taking it seriously. We informed them, but they didn’t inform anyone else. And it will do no good for us to treat it, if he just keeps getting it from school again and again.

And if that wasn’t bad enough, Troy was standing in my wife’s office this afternoon, watching her change the light bulb on her lamp, when he somehow got his feet tangled and fell…right into the corner of her desk. So, now he has a large swollen, red bump on the side of his head. And since everything with him has to be difficult, he doesn’t want to let us put ice on it. We once again had to restrain him, while he went ballistic, to manage the swelling.

And to top it all off, because we had to go to the urgent care, he missed his nap today. So, he fell asleep on the couch right in the middle of eating his dinner. He’s so tuckered out and exhausted. But now we have to wake him up to put drops in his eyes, so we can’t even let him drift off peacefully. We have to traumatize him again. Time to get out the umbrella.

Saturday Wake-Up Call

I thought I was going to finally get to sleep in this morning, but instead I was greeted by this at 6:45 am.

Troy: “The sun is up, mama. It’s not time to sleep. Get up!”

He or She

We've been trying to teach Troy about genders and how they affect pronouns. Up until this point, he's been saying "he" and "him" for everyone, regardless of their gender. He's been aware that mama is a girl and dada is a boy. He's also aware that he's a boy and Misha is a girl. So, it's really layering on top of this to now connect that logical thought to the pronoun that indicates gender. He's still struggling with the idea wanting to use "he" and "she" interchangeably, but tonight, he finally got it. Mama is a she, and dada is a he. He was so proud of himself. 

Of course, now he's gotten cocky. If I accidentally use the incorrect pronoun, he's quick to scream out my mistake. Sometimes he corrects me if he even thinks that I might have been thinking about saying it incorrectly, so he preemptively corrects my obvious future moronic tendencies.

I'm saddened by how confused he'll be with this whole gender fluid craze, where people can decide on their gender simply by how they express themselves. Their gender can literally change every day like clothes, because it's not tied to biology, it's tied to imagination and self-expression. We're not creating a world of freedom, we're creating a world of confusion and self-doubt. Instead of teaching our children to love themselves and celebrate our differences, we're teaching them to be no one, something undefinable and indescribable. We're teaching them to have identity crises. 

But identity comes from God above, and God made us man and woman in His own image. He didn't screw up or get it wrong. He made us exactly who we're meant to be. And that's what we're going to teach our son. He's a boy, and he'll always be a boy. There's nothing wrong with that. In fact, it's a beautiful and wonderful thing.

You Can Do This!

Today, when CC picked his son up from daycare, he heard Declan giving himself this pep talk from the backseat.

Declan: “You can do this, Declan. You can hold it. You have to hold it, Declan. Just hold it.”

Apparently, he had to go to the bathroom, and he was trying to wait until they got home. He was echoing the words that CC and his wife tell him. But instead of just thinking them, he was audibly saying them to himself.

I love you!

Troy: “Mama!”

My wife: “Yes, baby?”

Troy: “I LOVE you!”

My wife: “I LOVE you!”

Troy: “Dada!”

Me: “Yes, baby?”

Troy: “I LOVE you!”

Me: “I LOVE you!”

Amen!

We’ve been trying to teach Troy to give thanks before he eats. So, we say something and ask him to repeat it.

 

My wife: “Dear God, thank you for our food…”

Troy: “Dear God, thank you for our food…”

My wife: “…thank you for baby…”

Troy: “…thank you for baby…”

My wife: “…thank you for mama…”

Troy: “…thank you for mama…”

My wife: “…and thank you for dada.”

Troy: “…and thank you for dada.”

My wife: “Amen!”

Troy: “Wait, mama. Thank you for T-Rex, and Indominus, and Blue.”

My wife: “Okay, are you good now?”

Troy: “Yeah!”

My wife: “Then, amen!”

Troy: “Amen!”

Kids Say the Darnedest Things - Part 2

This morning, my wife asked Troy what he wanted for breakfast, and he said, "Cereal." She said, "Are you sure?" And he confirmed. I said, "Well, I want waffles with strawberries and bananas on top, sprinkled with walnuts." Troy looked at me and said, "Well, you can do that. I want cereal." My wife and I burst into a fit of laughter. He speaks so maturely with a hint of smart-aleck, and it always makes me laugh.

A few moments later, he was trying to direct my wife to what he wanted to watch on the TV. The first couple of choices that she made were incorrect, and he was getting agitated. Then, she finally found the correct option, and Troy exclaimed, 'That's what I'm talking about! Good job, mama."

Ringworm Around the Rosy

I was changing Troy’s diaper tonight after his bath, and I noticed an unusual red circle on his bum. It wasn’t there yesterday, so I asked my wife to check it out. She concluded that it looked like ringworm, which is a highly-contagious fungal infection. It’s very common in general, and even more common in children. So, I was off to the pharmacy for anti-fungal cream, and now begins the trial of us trying not to get it too. With the cream, it should stop the spread of the fungus within 48 hours, but the full treatment lasts four weeks. Sigh.

Based on where it’s located, I’m guessing he got it from the toilet seat at the daycare. They’ve been trying to force the kids to sit on the toilet to reinforce potty training, and I’m sure they don’t clean it in between each kid. But it also means that pretty much all of the kids will probably come down with it. I don’t know who patient zero is, but it’s irritating that his or her parent wouldn’t be kind enough to let the daycare know, so they could take proper precautions. My poor son can’t catch a break.

Translation Table

Troy loves music, and he has a list of songs that he enjoys listening to on repeat. However, he doesn’t always know the real name of the songs. He identifies them by something that happens in the music video, whichever version we happen to play for him. After he’s made the identification, then that’s that song’s designation forever. Even if he hears it in the car on the radio, he’ll still refer to it by his code name.

The problem is that I have to keep a translation table in my head at all times, so I can play the correct song based on whatever code name he throws out. Here is that table with his code name followed by the actual title and artist of the song in no particular order.

• The Ooga Chaka Song - “Hooked on a Feeling” by Blue Suede (Guardians of the Galaxy montage)
• The Vampire Song - “Bad Habits” by Ed Sheerin
• The Monkey Dance Song - “Adventure of a Lifetime” by Coldplay
• The Robot Song - “Believer” by Imagine Dragons (Big Hero 6 bot fighting scene)
• The Baby Song - “Savage Love” by Jason Derulo (Boss Baby opening credits)
• The Birds Song - “Birds” by Imagine Dragons (Animated)
• The Train Song - “Wonder” by Shawn Mendes
• The Blue Guys Song - “Ordinaryish People” by AJR
• The Wolf Song - “Natural” by Imagine Dragons (Animated)
• The Guy Walking Up the Side of the Building Song - “High Hopes” by Panic! At the Disco
• The Spider-Man Song - “Sunflower” by Post Malone (Spider-Man: Into the Spider-verse montage)
• The Bunny Song - “Fire on Fire” by Sam Smith (Watership Down montage)
• The Circle Song - “Circles” by Post Malone
• The Yeti Song - “Beautiful Life” by Bebe Rexha (Abominable montage)
• The Boat Song - “Wrecked” by Imagine Dragons (Animated)