I'm Going to Win!

Every night, when it’s time for Troy to go to bed, he’ll come running out of our bathroom after brushing his teeth and yell, “Dada, I’m going to win!” He’s never been one to want to stop the fun and shut down for the evening, so awhile ago, I decided to try to make going to bed fun. Troy is very competitive, so one night, when he refused to stop playing with his toys and go to his room, I ran to the stairs and told him I was going to beat him upstairs. That was all the push he needed to come running.

Now, it’s become a ritual every night. One of us will start running to the stairs, and the other one will give chase. If I’m in the lead, he’ll usually catch me when I stop to kick my flip-flops off at the bottom of the stairs. Then, we’ll jostle each other or pull at each other’s clothes all the way up the stairs in an attempt to get in front. When we hit level ground again, he’ll take off into a full sprint, and I’ll run behind him, pulling on his waist or legs to slow him down. If by some miracle I’m in the lead when we reach the top, then Troy will run me into the wall as we turn the corner toward his room.

I have only beaten him once, and he had a meltdown. He went all the way back downstairs to his mama, wailing the entire way about how mean I was. I thought it would do him good to lose occasionally, since you can’t always win in life. But he’s a sore loser. I’ll probably continue to let him win, because I’m not looking to upset him right before bed, but it doesn’t mean I’m going to go easy on him! It just means I should expect to spend a lot of time being body-checked into a wall.

I Don't!

Troy: “Mama, can you give me some chocolate milk?”

My Wife: “In a few minutes.”

Troy [exactly two minutes later]: “Dada?”

Me: “Yes, bud?”

Troy: “Do you see me drinking milk? Because I don’t!”

Me [laughing uncontrollably]: “I’m not sure that’s the best approach to getting any either, smart aleck!”

Food Thief

I took Troy to the park today for a quick jaunt before lunch. When we arrived, he immediately ran to the fence and peered over the railing into the pond below. A lone turtle raised his head out of the water expectantly. I imagined him saying, “Humans! That means there’s food in the hoooose! I better call my friends to come get some…or I could just eat it all myself.”

A moment later, a lone duck came paddling up to the turtle. “Hey, Bob, did I hear you say something about food in the hoooose?”

“No, you food thief! Quack off!” Bob the Turtle exclaimed.

The duck turned and paddled away across the lake. His offended quacks could be heard echoing far behind him, insulting Bob’s family, the color of his shell, the state of his nails, and a number of other rude and personal things.

Unfortunately for Bob, we didn’t have any food for him, so he was left floating hungry and alone.

Just Pray

Pastor on TV: “Let’s close our eyes. What is the Holy Spirit speaking over you today?”

Me [me listening to the pastor’s words, but continuing to wash the dishes too]: “…”

Troy [watching me]: “Just pray, dada. Just pray.”

Me [me looking over at Troy and seeing him nod at me]: “Okay, bud.”

Awkward Shower Moments

Troy has been requesting more and more showers over baths, which is fine with us because generally they’re quicker than a bath, and we can get a shower in too. However, I noticed that when he showers with me that he’s become more and more curious about my wee-wee. It could be because it’s at eye level for him or maybe he’s entering what psychologists call the “phallic stage” of development. But he asks me all kinds of questions about it, comparing it to his mother’s lack of a wee-wee, as he puts it.

I don’t mind the questions so much, but it does bother me when he unexpectedly flicks it while I’m washing my hair. I asked him not to do that, and he took the cup that I use to rinse off his hair and stuck it over it instead...equally unpleasant and awkward. I’ve had to start rinsing my hair with my eyes open, so I can see him coming.

The Sea Life

Today was Misha’s birthday, and we asked if we could hang out with her to celebrate. Misha’s mother let us know that while she had to work, Misha’s father and uncle were going to be taking Misha to Sea Life, an aquarium in the mall. She said that Misha would love if Troy was there (and so would the guys). So, we tagged along too.

I had always avoided this aquarium, because it was a bit pricey, and really, how big could an aquarium be in the mall?! Well, I was pleasantly surprised. It was much larger than I thought and also well laid out to cater to kids. They had interactive centers, places they could crawl into, things they could touch, and people stationed throughout to provide information about the sea entities.

They loved the interactive screen in the shark section, where with the touch of a finger, they could peel off the shark’s skin and see the organs beneath. They enjoyed the tank where they could stick their little arms into the water and pet sea anemones. They were even interested in the turtle rescue area, where they had to carry a toy turtle around to various stations of care, recovery, and release. But the coolest places were where the kids could climb under the fish tanks and pop their heads up into clear bubbles, watching the fish literally swim past their noses.

Misha, of course, had her usual attention span of a fruit fly, and merely wanted to flit from display to display. While Troy truly seemed interested and wanted to look. At several places, Troy refused to follow Misha in her whirlwind sprint, and she was forced to come back and slow down. Then, Troy would talk to her about the animal or fish, and she’d find out she was interested too. This happened at the baby crocodiles’ and the yellow python’s tanks. He had less success at the shark’s and jellyfish’s tanks, where Misha ran off around a corner, and we were forced to go looking for her.

Misha’s uncle was amazing with her, patiently talking her through things at the interactive centers. Strangely, her father mostly just stood off to the side and watched the people walking by him. I spent the majority of the time, chasing both kids around and trying to at least keep them headed in the same direction. My wife and mother-in-law thoroughly seemed to enjoy themselves and trying to talk to the kids about the fish.

After the aquarium, we broke for lunch at the Taj Chaat House Indian restaurant, which was supposed to be famous for its dosas. Since I have nothing to compare it to, their dosas could have been phenomenal, as far as dosas go, but personally, I didn’t really enjoy the food. First of all, it was all vegetarian. And even though we got things that were at an enjoyable spice level, I didn’t really find the flavors all that remarkable. It was just okay. I’m not sure that I would ever intentionally go back again.

After lunch, we went back to the mall for the second part of the excursion…LegoLand. And this time, Misha’s mother joined us. LegoLand was entirely intended for children, so I’m not sure why they charge the adults to sit around and watch their kids play. That would be the biggest negative I have against it. It was too expensive to sit around and not actually do anything.

But Troy and Misha seemed to enjoy it. They mostly played in the samurai village, which was simply a large enclosed playground filled with kids, while parents lined a couch set up outside. Then, we went to the go-carts, which was apparently Misha’s favorite. There weren’t very many kids in line, but they still had to wait longer than I thought their little patience level would last. Troy did pretty well driving the cart around, but the ride didn’t last very long, and he didn’t want to wait in line again. But Misha did, so she rode the go-carts, while Troy and I went to see the Lego Dallas display. It was really cool. They had built various parts of Dallas out of Legos, including the airport and the downtown skyline. But Troy can only look at Legos for so long, and he wanted to go back to the samurai village.

They had other kinds of rides, but we didn’t get to do any of them before we had to leave. It wasn’t as much fun without Misha anyway, because Troy was alone, and I couldn’t get on any of the things with him. All-in-all, I don’t think it was worth the money. Empire Kids was a bigger, better playground with more to do, it was cheaper, and adults got in free.

Here I Am to Worship

CC was telling me that today he, his wife, and Declan were out shopping at Home Depot, enjoying a little family time during Spring Break. Suddenly, Declan told them that he needed to potty, so CC’s wife took him into the women’s bathroom to do his thing. Apparently, they had been listening to worship music on the way to the store, and one of the songs was still stuck in Declan’s head. So, while he pooped, he started singing:

“Here I am to worship

Here I am to bow down

Here I am to say that You're my God

“You're altogether lovely

Altogether worthy

Altogether wonderful to me”

Apparently, the woman in the stall next to him got really quiet. I guess out of context, that could sound really funny…especially if you were singing that to the poopie floating in the toilet below!

The Full Belly

As usual tonight Troy was the last one at the table, picking through his food in his slow way. The rest of us had already moved to the couch to be more comfortable while we watched our murder mystery. At some point, Troy felt left out and wanted to join us, so he picked up his little computer and brought it over to the couch. He got comfortable next to his mama, while I put the legs of the chair out for him. Then, he propped his feet up on a pillow and set the computer on his lap, his full belly protruding over the keyboard. He looked absolutely comfortable and adorable.

Angel Dragons

Troy: “Dada, bad angels have black eyes.”

Me: “How do you know? Have you seen any bad angels?”

Troy: “Uh…no.”

Me: “Then, how do you know?”

Troy: “I just do. They have black eyes, because they turned into dragons.”

Me: “Why did they turn into dragons when they were already angels?”

Troy: “Because they had to turn into dragons to get to the dragon’s home. It just makes sense.”

Me: [chuckling] “Does it?”

Troy: “Yes.”

Me: “Well, if bad angels have black eyes, then what color do good angels have?”

Troy: “Nice angels have green eyes.”

Me: “Are you nice?”

Troy: “Yes.”

Me: “But your eyes aren’t green.”

Troy: “No, they’re black and white with gray and blue.”

Me: “So, not all nice angels have green eyes.”

Troy: “They have green and blue and gray and brown.”

Me: “So, basically any color other than black?”

Troy: “Yes.”

Me: “I see. And why are you thinking about bad angels?”

Troy: “Because there was one in the picture, and he turned into a dragon. He had black eyes.”

Me: “So, we’re back to the dragons again?”

Troy: “I guess.”

Me: “Maybe we should think about something nicer than bad angels.”

Troy: “Okay.”

The Jester's Whistle

Lately, Troy has wanted to take his “baths” in the shower with us, rather than in the bathtub. Mostly, he just likes to sit in his bowl in the water while we get cleaned up. When we get down, we will often call to the other parent to come get Troy and dry him off. And it becomes a whole family affair. During one of my “shifts” in the shower, I told Troy that there was a special way to call mama, and it was called the Jester’s Whistle.

Years ago, I had struggled to get my wife’s attention when I was in the shower. I’d forget the soap or my towel, and I’d need assistance, but she couldn’t hear me (or willfully ignored me, but that’s still up for debate). So, I started whistling for her, but she still didn’t come (later she’d tell me that she just thought I was happy and whistling to myself). And out of these desperate times, the Jester’s Whistle was born. We agreed that we needed something that would be unique enough that if she heard it, she’d know it was a signal and not just me being happy. And we also agreed that whatever the signal was, it would only be used when I was in need.

One of my favorite movies is The Court Jester with Danny Kaye. It’s one of those ludicrous comedies that I love so much, and Danny Kaye was a master at the physical as well as the verbal. The plot of the movie is that Danny Kaye’s character is sent into the court of an evil ruler to masquerade as the court jester. He’s supposed to gain information and access to help overthrow the ruler. Of course, he bungles the entire thing.

In one scene, he asks his handler how he’s supposed to recognize other agents of the resistance. She gives him a secret whistle that sounds a lot like a bird call. Whenever he whistles it, if an agent is near, they will identify themselves by whistling it back. “Whew…eh…UH! Whew…eh…UH!”

So, this became our secret whistle. A unique call that my wife could identify. And this was the whistle I taught to Troy. But he hasn’t really learned how to whistle yet, so he tried to mimic the sound I was making with his mouth instead. And his high, clear voice could be heard ringing out throughout the bathroom. “Whoo…uh…UH! Whoo…uh…UH!”

But it worked, and my wife came into the bathroom laughing. “Were you calling me, baby?” she asked. “Yes!” “Well, you did great.” I nudged him as he waited for her to get his towel. “I told you that there was a special way to call mama that she’ll always recognize. The Jester’s Whistle never fails!”

Aquarium Party

Well, I’d say the combined birthday party at the Children’s Aquarium at Fair Park was a success despite the issues and amount of effort required leading up to it. My wife likes to throw a blowout bash every time she plans a party. Unfortunately, she was coordinating with two women who were more focused on cost than anything. It almost seemed like they wanted to do the bare minimum to fulfill their obligations rather than give their kids a party they’d remember forever. They also didn’t really want to put in the effort or time required to pull the thing off. So, my wife ended up doing pretty much all of it herself. 

I finally had to tell her that she needed to delegate some things to the other two and trust them to get it done. They’d do it if they were asked, but they weren’t going to go out of their way to volunteer. Which actually ended up working out quite well. My wife took the most important things, like decorations and cupcakes, so she could get what she wanted, and she delegated things like drinks and appetizers to someone else. We roped my mother-in-law and mother in to help get things ready, and we headed down early to get things set up.

The staff was extremely nice, and they provided a little party room for us to occupy. My wife had gone wild on ocean-themed balloons, cupcake toppers, plates, and napkins. So, the whole place ended up looking like a magical under-the-sea paradise. I overheard another little boy passing by the room ask his mother, “Why didn’t they do all of that for my birthday party?!” She replied, “That wasn’t the aquarium, they did that themselves.” That made me beam with pride for my wife. She had pulled off a birthday that other kids were jealous of…you couldn’t ask for more than that. And despite their roadblocks at every turn, the other two ladies were genuinely impressed with how things turned out. They’d been to our parties before, so maybe they should have had a little more faith in her. After all, that’s why they wanted to team up for the birthday to begin with!

The guests started to arrive just as we were putting the finishing touches on the decorations, and the kids were very excited to see each other outside of school. They chattered loudly with each other, doling out hugs to every newcomer that arrived, while the parents stood awkwardly in the corners. When everyone was there, we sang happy birthday to the Three Musketeers, Troy, Misha, and Sasha. They ate up the attention, making faces and hamming it up while people snapped photos. Then, we dug into the food and cupcakes. We had gotten the cupcakes from Smallcakes, and my wife had opted for different flavors…red velvet, chocolate-chocolate, caramel, cookies and cream, lemon, strawberry, and one that looked like a Hostess CupCake. They were divine!

Now hopped up on sugar, the kids were getting restless, so they brought in a yellow Bearded Lizard for everyone to pet. She was really chill, probably used to being touched by a hundred random fingers, and choosing to resign herself to her fate and get it over with. The kids were very excited to feel her, jostling each other to get closer. My wife on the other hand looked like she was in pain the entire time she was stroking the lizard’s bumpy skin.

After that animal encounter, they led us to Stingray Bay. This was a giant pool filled with stingrays of all sizes, ages, and colors. Each kid got a cup of food that had a few shrimp in it (which most kids turned their noses up at) and brief instructions on how to feed the stingrays (which everyone ignored). They just wanted to stick their hands in the water and touch a real live stingray. And the stingrays happily complied.

As if on cue, the food was unceremoniously tossed into the water instead of letting the stingrays vacuum it out of their hands. So, shrimp was floating around everywhere being slurped up by the fastest and most aggressive stingrays in a frenzy. But this also meant the stingrays were distracted and didn’t really notice the dozen little hands sliding across their slimy backs. Some of the stingrays would even poke their heads out of the water to get special attention. The parents, myself included, seemed to enjoy the experience just as much as the kids.

After about twenty minutes, we reluctantly pulled everyone back to the party room to wrap things up. While the kids and other parents went off to continue enjoying the aquarium, we stayed behind to divvy up gifts and clean up the room. The party was an enjoyable experience, and I’d definitely recommend it to others.

Eagle Eyes

Troy: “Dada, is that a worm in that bird’s mouth?”

Me: “What bird?”

Troy: “The bird on that house?”

Me: “I don’t see a bird over there.”

Troy: “He’s on the top of the house.”

Me: “I don’t see a bird. Where is he? Show me.”

Troy: [pointing to a house off in the distance] “Over there on that house.”

Me: “That house on the next street over there?”

Troy: “Yeah. The bird on the top of it.”

Me: “That black blob? That’s a bird.”

Troy: “Yeah.”

Me: “How the heck did you see that? And how should I know what he has in his mouth?! I can barely tell that’s a house he’s standing on top of!”