Faith in the Unseen

Troy: “I see an eagle up there.”

Me: “Really?”

Troy: “Yep. It’s a Bald Eagle.”

Me: “That’s pretty impressive considering they don’t live in this area. Are you sure it’s not a Red-Tailed Hawk?”

Troy: “Nope, it’s a Bald Eagle.”

Me: “Okay.”

Troy: “Dada, did you know that we live in the Earth?”

Me: “Well, actually we live on the Earth, not in it. We couldn’t live in the Earth. It’s filled with lava.”

Troy: “We could dig it out.”

Me: “The lava is deep down. It’s not on the surface. You’d have to dig a really long ways.”

Troy: “Why would we have to dig a really long ways?”

Me: “Because it’s in the middle of the Earth, and Earth is really big.”

Troy: “Well, we can crack the earth open and get the lava out.”

Me: “I mean, I guess. But can you do that?”

Troy: “No, but the aliens can.”

Me: “How would they do that?”

Troy: “With a giant hammer.”

Me: “And they have a giant hammer?”

Troy: “Yep. On their hef-a-hoe. They fly around in space with it.”

Me: “I see. Have you ever seen an alien?”

Troy: “No.”

Me: “But you believe aliens exist?”

Troy: “Yes.”

Me: “Your mama also believes aliens exist, but I don’t.”

Troy: “Why not?”

Me: “Because I’ve never seen one.”

Troy: “Me neither, but that’s because I haven’t been to space yet.”

Me: “Fair enough. I haven’t either.”

Staying Home

Troy: “Dada, home is too far away. It takes a really long time to get there.”

Me: “Yes, it is, and yes, it does.”

Troy: “So, that’s why we shouldn’t go to school anymore. We should just stay home.”

Me [laughing]: “So, that’s your latest argument for staying home from school?! The distance?! You crack me up, man.”

Learning

Troy: “Dada, why do we have to go to school everyday?”

Me: “To learn things.”

Troy: “But I don’t want to learn things.”

Me: “Well, let’s think about that for a minute. Do you like being able to run around on the playground?”

Troy: “Yes.”

Me: “Well, you wouldn’t be able to do that if you’d never learned to walk. And do you like talking?”

Troy: “Yes.”

Me: “Well, you wouldn’t be able to do that if you’d never learned the words. And do you like painting?”

Troy: “Yes.”

Me: “Well, you wouldn’t be able to do that if you’d never learned about colors and how to hold a paintbrush. And do you like dinosaurs?”

Troy: “Yes.”

Me: “Well, you wouldn’t know their names or anything about them if you’d never learned facts about them. So, you see, learning makes our lives fuller and happier. You get more out of it when you learn new things.”

Troy: “I see.”

Naming Crocodiles

Troy: “Dada, I have a crocodile at school named ‘Croco.’”

Me: “Well, that seems like an appropriate name for a crocodile.”

Troy: “No, crocodiles don’t have names.”

Me: “How do you know? Maybe it’s just that nobody ever asked them what their name was. They could have ordinary names like ‘Bob,’ or ‘Henry,’ or ‘John.’ Or they could have unusual names like ‘Zanzibar’ or ‘Balthazar.’ Or they could have gross names like ‘Mud Tongue,’ or ‘Slime Licker,’ or ‘Fish-Poop Eater.’”

Troy: “No, my crocodile is just named ‘Croco.’”

Me: “Well, that’s a good name too, bud.”

Dancing Gorillas and Stinky Baboons

Me: “Did you have any dreams last night?”

Troy: “Yep.”

Me: “Cool, tell me about them.”

Troy: “I was dancing with a gorilla. The end.”

Me: “That’s it? Wait. Was he a good dancer?”

Troy: “Yep. We were dancing in a castle.”

Me: “A castle, huh? At your wedding?”

Troy: “Yep.”

Me: “Was he wearing something special, like a tie?”

Troy: “He was wearing underwear.”

Me: “Just underwear? No pants or shoes?”

Troy: “Nope. Just underwear.”

Me: “And what color was he?”

Troy: “He was black with a gray bum.”

Me: “Oh, so he was a silver back gorilla.”

Troy: “And he was there with a big, stinky baboon.”

Me: “A baboon at your wedding?”

Troy: “A big, stinky baboon.”

Me: “I see. You know they bite, and they have really big teeth.”

Troy: “Not this one. He’s nice.”

Me: “Well, that’s going to be a must-see wedding for sure!”

The Razor

Me: “At some point this week or weekend we need to get the razor out and shave Troy’s head.”

Troy: “Nooooo!”

My Wife: “I’m not shaving his head.”

Me: “Why not? You might find it therapeutic.”

Troy: “Mama, you need to take the razor away from dada! He’s out of control! He can’t be trusted!”

My Wife: “I will. Before we all end up bald.”

The Labyrinthine Wedding – Day 17

Our vacation of sorts is finally over, and we had to fly home today. My wife had decided to stuff suitcases inside suitcases to avoid having to take so many, which I was greatly thankful for later in our trip (more on this later). My mother-in-law was so upset that we were leaving that she came inside for a quick hug and kiss, and then she turned away and walked off before she started crying.

Troy was being a little obnoxious today, insisting on being picked up and carried around the airport the entire time. This is especially rough when you’re already carrying fifty pounds on your back, and then you add another 45 pounds to your front. My wife and I were also very tired and stressed, which made us less tolerant of his antics too.

Luckily, we got three seats on one side of the plane, so we didn’t have to share with anyone. Troy and I watched movies the entire time, while my wife alternated between naps, movies, and her book. This trip was longer than the last, and Troy started to get antsy at some point. He was restless and kept wanting to move around. It was hard to keep him entertained. He also decided to fall asleep about an hour before we landed in Atlanta, so waking him up again was tough.

We had a three-hour layover in Atlanta, which sucked since we’d been up 17 hours already, and Troy was starting to act up. He was completely incorrigible on the flight, but he finally dozed off 30 minutes before we landed, which was about 4:00 am where we had come from…so early. Sleep and irritability were starting to get us all by this point. After nearly 24 hours without significant sleep, we were nearing complete exhaustion.

Troy was so tired that he had to be carried off the plane and around the airport. Every little thing was setting him off, and he finally had a meltdown at the baggage claim when he couldn’t properly blow his nose. While my wife went off to deal with him, I was left alone to grab all five suitcases while wrangling both our backpacks (so thankful that it wasn’t seven). Then, we had to somehow get them outside without putting Troy down. My wife finally put him on top of her suitcase and rolled him out the door, and he seemed content with that. When we got him home, we took his clothes off and put him straight in the bed. He was asleep instantly. We finally got cleaned up and we’re in bed by midnight. It was a very long day, and now I can look forward to going back to work tomorrow.

The Labyrinthine Wedding – Day 16

Not much to report today. We flew back to Athens on a late flight, so the majority of the day was spent packing and closing up the house in Cyprus. We were on the same flight as my wife’s cousin and his family, so we had another chance to see them and say goodbye.

Unbelievably, the return of Chippy went more smoothly than expected. Troy went with my mother-in-law to return her, so she could be reunited with her family. And he simply said goodbye, gave her a good pet, and handed them the box. That was it.

Troy was a bit excitable today, which meant he was all over the place and into everything. I spent the entire time chasing him around and dragging him back to the group. It was exhausting, but my wife was so on edge and anxious that she got onto him whenever he crossed her path. I was the lesser of two evils.

The only real excitement today occurred when my mother-in-law went to get the car from long-term parking. As is usual with her half-thought-out plans, she left us at baggage claim without arranging a place to meet us. So, when we got outside, we called her to tell her where we were. She only half listened, so instead of coming to the “drop-off / pick-up” lane, she ended up in the bus pick-up. We waited for her, she waited for us. And finally after 20 minutes, my wife tried to call her back. My mother-in-law was anxious and annoyed by this point, so she didn’t hear my wife tell her that we’d walk over to the short-term parking lot where she normally parks, and she could pick us up at the curb. So, my mother-in-law went into the short-term parking and parked. We finally connected after another 10 minutes, but when my mother-in-law went to pay the parking ticket, it didn’t work. She couldn’t tell us exactly what the machine had said was wrong, mostly because she hadn’t fully read the message.

She was beside herself, freaking out and unable to be reasoned with. She was talking a hundred miles a minute, waving her arms in the air, speaking over every suggestion we made. So, we decided to just go to the car and at least unload our suitcases while we figured it out. She was so manic about the stupid ticket that she walked off and left us, didn’t even help with the suitcase, including her own. We trailed along behind her, as she faded into the distance. As I packed the suitcase in the car, she suddenly realized that there was another ticket inside the car. Apparently, the reason the ticket hadn’t worked was because she was trying to pay the long-term parking ticket again. She had gotten the two tickets mixed up. Wouldn’t feel right without the drama…

I’m still annoyed that my mother-in-law doesn’t care or understand how the flight tomorrow is going to screw me up. I even brought it up today, and she just waved it off. It’s funny, because when she came to see us at the beginning of this year, I remember it taking her an entire week to stop waking up at 2:00 or 3:00 in the morning and needing to take naps in the afternoon. And she didn’t even have a job to go to! I understand that there’s nothing I can do about it now, but the lack of any sort of sympathy from her irritates me.

So, after a quick dinner, we started repacking the suitcases again for the flight tomorrow. We’re not supposed to get in until after 10:00 pm. Going to be a long day.

Marrying the Bride

Troy: “When I grow up, I’m going to get married in a castle.”

Me: “You are? Well, I’m so glad you’re going to get married. I really hope I’m there to see it.”

Troy: “Yeah, I’m going to get married in that castle.”

Me: “Well, I’m not sure you want to get married in that castle, but there are a lot of castles where you can get married.”

Troy: “No, it’s going to be that castle.”

Me: “Well, why don’t you wait and see what your wife wants?”

Troy: “No, she’ll want that castle too.”

Me [laughing]: “She will?! Well, okay then! And did you have a particular girl in mind to marry?”

Troy: “Yes, AnnaMaria.”

Me: “But she’s already married! I’m afraid Uncle George beat you to it. They literally just got married last week.”

Troy: “It doesn’t matter. I’m going to marry AnnaMaria.”

Me: “I see. Well, in twenty years, we can see how she feels. Maybe she will have changed her mind about Uncle George by then.”

Troy: “Yeah.”

The Labyrinthine Wedding – Day 15

Tomorrow, we head back to Athens, which greatly annoys me. I wish we were headed back today, so that we could have flown back to the United States tomorrow. Then, I’d have a day to recover before going back to work on Monday. This is what my wife always likes to do as well. But my mother-in-law, ever one to only think about what’s best for her instead of what’s best for everyone else, decided to book flights from Cyprus to Athens on Saturday instead. Which forced us to delay our tickets by a day and means we won’t be getting home until around 11:00 pm at night on Sunday. So, with that and potential jet lag, I’m going to be exhausted by Monday. Now, I have to try to move the five meetings I have on Monday morning…all because of one thoughtless decision by my mother-in-law. Anyway…

I got up pretty early this morning and decided to take a walk around the village. I’d really only seen a few blocks right around my mother-in-law’s house, so I wanted to check out the rest of it. It’s a pretty small village, and I was able to walk the entire thing in about an hour.

The “main road” if you will is actually near my mother-in-law. That’s where you’ll find the supermarket, the church, and most of the tavernas. The rest of the winding roads just had houses. Some of the houses were well-kept with modern conveniences and beautiful flowers all along the road. Some were old and rundown. My mother-in-law told me that when the old generation died that their children didn’t want to move back to the village, but they also didn’t want to sell their family homes. So, some were converted to rent houses, and some were completely abandoned. I imagine that there is a small population that lives here full-time, maybe half of the homes. It’s sad really. It really is a cute village.

Since my wife and son are still sunburned, we figured that we’re pretty much done with the beach and swimming. So, we decided to do something different today, and we headed to the Baths of Aphrodite, which according to my mother-in-law is on land that her family used to own before it was given to the government (it was hard to understand if it was given, sold, or just taken, but it’s not theirs anymore). As we walked along the trail, she pointed out several giant and very old eucalyptus trees that she said her grandfather planted. She and my wife also told stories of swimming in the baths as children before it was turned into a national park.

The Baths themselves consist of a trickling waterfall flowing down the walls of a small, natural grotto into a serene pool. An old fig tree shades the entire grotto with its large green leaves and the smell of figs permeates the air. Off to one side is a little pool that is believed to take 10 years off your skin just by washing it into the cool, mountain spring. Troy doused himself three times just to be sure! So, I guess we’ll see tomorrow what he looks like.

Legend says that Aphrodite, the goddess of love and beauty, would come to this grotto and bathe, which is what gives the water its miraculous and transformative power. It is said that it was at this pool that she met her lover, Adonis, when he stopped to take a drink while hunting.

After visiting the baths, we stopped for lunch at a place near the village. Even though the restaurant was situated in an ideal location to catch the breeze, the heat was still overwhelming. I was starting to feel ill. But I powered through before going home to sleep off my headache.

We’d eaten at this restaurant before, and I had a chicken souvlaki pita (or I assume so, since my mother-in-law ordered for me), which I didn’t particularly like. So, this time, I ordered a μπιφτέκα κοτόπουλου, which was a chicken hamburger. It had halloumi cheese, which is apparently famously-made in Cyprus, and it was actually very good. The seasoning was herbal with a variety of flavors, rather than just the salt and pepper flavor you get in the United States.

As a side note: I realize that my relatively pale complexion immediately identifies me as non-Greek. But it’s sort of irritating to make an attempt to speak Greek to people, like when ordering food, only to have them repeat what you ordered in English. I ordered the μπιφτέκα κοτόπουλου, perfectly pronouncing the words, and the waitress replied back, “So, you want the chicken hamburger?” I assumed that coming to a Greek-speaking country and attempting to speak Greek every chance I could would show honor and respect to the people that live here. But instead of being happy that I’m trying, they just can’t be bothered with “the English” as we are all collectively known.

Since Cyprus used to be an English colony, there are a lot of English inhabitants and even more English tourists. So, anyone that speaks English is lumped together regardless of their place of birth. My mother-in-law hasn’t stopped bashing the “English invasion” since we’ve been here, saying that they’re taking over everything and ruining the culture of the island.

Rant over…

After naps all around, my mother-in-law offered to take Troy and I to see the Paphos Harbour Castle. The small castle located at the end of the harbor boardwalk was originally a fort that was destroyed by an earthquake and rebuilt bigger and stronger into a castle in the 13th century. My mother-in-law tells the proud history of how the Cypriots defended the castle against the Turkish invasion in the 1500s. When in actuality, it was a Spanish mercenary and his guard who refused to leave the castle when the Turks invaded. After 16 days of fierce fighting, the brave defenders were eventually overwhelmed and the castle was destroyed. The Turks then supposedly repaired the castle to its original construction. Sounds like yet another example of a much smaller force holding off a larger force before eventually falling, like Thermopylae or the Alamo.

The boardwalk by the harbor was very busy with a steady stream of tourists eating at the variety of seafood restaurants. Boats of all kinds were lined up along the wharfs, musicians were playing music for money, vendors were selling balloons, and artists were doing caricatures with exaggerated features. We opted for ice cream cones as we enjoyed the life and lights. Paphos in general seemed very alive.

The Labyrinthine Wedding – Day 14

Well, Troy and my wife both got a mild sunburn from the last two days at the beach. They both used sunscreen, but they didn’t reapply. After hours of being at the beach, it apparently washed off. Troy is a little better than my wife, because I did reapply his sunscreen the second day. He was already getting pink after the first day. But I guess she forgot. I guess I was mostly spared because of my SPF shirt, my diligence of reapplying sunscreen, and my obsession with finding shade under the rocks. I only have a slight browning on my face. All this means that we decided to avoid going to the beach again today.

I told my mother-in-law that I’d like to see something else today, so we headed to the Chrysoroyiatissa Monastery. It should be noted that even before we arrived, my mother-in-law was determined to take me to the mosaic tile museum. Apparently, they have, and I quote, “the most famous mosaics on display there.” Personally, I had no interest in them before, and I had less interest after I found out they were actually outside in the sun. My wife’s cousin’s wife even told us that it’s the wrong time of year to go there. So, I steered my mother-in-law to the monastery instead. My wife decided not to go because of her sunburn, although I wonder if it wasn’t a little because she’s reaching her tolerance point with her mother.

The monastery was nice, although nothing like the ones in Meteora. It had a small church in the center absolutely filled with religious icons of the saints, Virgin Mary, and Jesus. For all their talk of how different they are from Catholics, Greek Orthodox Christians sure do focus on similar things. My mother-in-law has even mentioned no less than five times on this trip that August 15th is a national holiday to celebrate Mary’s birthday and what a big deal it is to everyone. There are parades, processions, and pilgrimages to holy places to celebrate. They don’t seem to make as big a deal or care as much for Christmas as they do August 15th. And while we were inside the monastery church, patrons (including my mother-in-law) lined up to kiss the icons of Jesus and Mary, which were equal in size and prominence.

Early on in our marriage, I had lots of discussions with my wife about her religion’s similarities to Catholicism and some of the ridiculous practices that they both employ. This included things like going to a priest for confession, ritualistic chanting, lighting candles to send your prayers to Heaven, and the obsession with icons. Over the years, I have become more adept at just ignoring these things, but it’s a whole new world to Troy. So, when he asks me why people are kissing pictures of Mary and Jesus, I honestly tell him that I have no idea. I teach him about Jesus and the importance He has to our lives, but Mary and everyone else are just footnotes in the story.

Anyway, we continued to wander around the monastery, which was mostly monk quarters and service rooms; like prayer closets, painting restoration, crafting, and wine making. Apparently, this particular monastery is well-known for its wine. They’ve even won awards for it. My mother-in-law desperately wanted to buy me (or someone in my family) a bottle, but since none of us really drink wine, she was disappointed in her endeavor. I’m not really sure she thinks about how I’m going to transport it back to the United States anyway. We opted for cross necklaces instead. Mine was made of olive wood, and Troy’s was made of white seashell.

Troy started to complain about the heat and needing some water, so we headed home. My wife had made lunch by the time we’d gotten back, so after a quick meal and playtime with Chippy (that’s what Troy decided to name the rabbit), we all took naps. When we got up, we got ready for another night of visiting and socializing.

Tonight, we were to see the guy who was my best man at my Greek wedding. I hadn’t seen or talked to him since that day. He had gone on to become a highly successful doctor in Pafos here on Cyprus. He’d also gotten married to a very sweet woman. So, we visited with him, his wife, and his parents. My best man and his mother had been very gracious to entertain my family and I before my wedding, taking us sightseeing and eating while my wife handled wedding things with her mother. So, it was good to see them again.

As is usually the case, after some initial pleasantries to Troy and me in English, the conversation switched mostly to Greek, and the two of us were cut out. Honestly, I think most people would be more than happy to continue in English, but my wife and mother-in-law immediately start speaking in Greek and others follow from there. My mother-in-law is the worst. She absolutely refuses to speak in English at all unless she’s alone with Troy or me. I understand that it’s easier and more natural for them, so I don’t mind so much. But it does make for a pretty boring evening when you sit for hours while people speak around you in a language you don’t entirely understand.

I usually entertain myself by playing with Troy, because that makes us both feel more comfortable. But tonight, my best man had bought Troy a Lego dinosaur toy, and after I’d helped him put it together, Troy took it inside the house to play with my best man’s father. That left me as the odd man out once again…pretty much like the 16 years before Troy.

The Labyrinthine Wedding – Day 13

Last night, we had planned to meet the cousin and his family at the beach. So, after a lazy morning (and a fight with Troy to get him into his bathing suit), we headed to Latchi Beach.

My mother-in-law’s family owns several apartments across the street from the beach, which they rent out to tourists. My mother-in-law doesn’t like the hot, humid weather down on the sea, so she prefers to stay on the mountain. I have to concur, but then I’ve never really been a beach person. I welcome the sea, if only to get out of the heat. But I’d prefer to just sit on my porch and read and relax. These trips to the beach are to socialize and for my wife and son who love being in the water.

The beach was okay, but definitely a step down from the magnificent scenery and variety of Aphrodite’s Beach. It was just miles of beach without a stitch of shade, unless you paid for the use of a beach umbrella. We parked ourselves at a table in a cafe along the beach, and then would make jaunts out into the water in between rounds of food. While I enjoyed the company, after a few hours, I was bored of the sea. I can only float in the waves for so long.

The only real scenery along this stretch was the passing boats with their loads of tourists. People bring masks and snorkels, but I have no idea what they’re looking at. The only thing under the water is rocks and more rocks. There’s no coral or fish or anything like that. So, you swim and float. The sea is clean and clear, which I definitely appreciate, but I still have my limit on water.

After a long day at the beach, we headed home to clean up. The sea is very salty, and it gets everywhere. Your skin, hair, and even odd things like your eyebrows feel gritty. So, it feels good to rinse it all off. On the bright side, my skin has never been better exfoliated!

After another meltdown from Troy, this time to get his bathing suit off, we headed to my mother-in-law’s friend’s house. This was the same woman that gave Troy the rabbit. We stayed for a “finger-food” dinner of various meats, cheese, grapes, watermelon, and bruschetta. My wife caught up talking about various topics while Troy and I did a puzzle before heading home under a blood moon. While I do enjoy meeting new people, it would be nice to spend one night just resting.

The Labyrinthine Wedding – Day 12

I really like the village of Kathekas, where my mother-in-law’s house is. It’s up in the mountains, so it’s cooler than places near the beach, and it’s quiet and peaceful. I enjoy sitting on the front porch and just being…reading my book or enjoying nature. I could see myself in a place like this, writing and recharging my batteries. I’m not saying I’d like to be here all the time, but it would be a nice place to get away for a little while.

Of course, my mother-in-law doesn’t know the meaning of the word restful. From the moment she gets up in the morning, she can’t sit still, even if she’s not actually doing anything useful. She bustles around the house, moving piles of accumulated junk from one place to another, but not actually tidying up. Then, she hounds us to get ready to go somewhere and do something. This greatly annoys my wife, so that she’s always irritable and cranky. Which is probably another reason I spend so much time outside to avoid the two of them.

We went to the sea today to Vrahaki Beach, the not-so-private beach on my mother-in-law’s property. It’s supposed to be theirs alone, and there is a sign on the driveway that says to keep out, but nobody cares. It’s a free beach, so everyone wants to use it. And since my mother-in-law is only around sometimes, she can’t police it all the time. People even bring campers and tents and camp right on the property! I’d have found some way to keep them off, like put up a fence and gate, but it didn’t seem to bother my mother-in-law at all.

I loved the beach. It was set in a small inlet backed up along the cliffs with huge boulders surrounding the area. The sea floor was covered in smooth rocks and pebbles, and there were underwater rock shelves throughout the inlet. Which was pretty cool, because you swim pretty far out and then stand on the rocks. And then, a little ways off the shore was a huge rock formation jutting out of the water. My wife told me that when she was a kid, she used to swim to this rock.

It was pretty crowded on the beach, but we found a space to lay out our accoutrements. And then, Troy and I happily jumped into the water. While I went out exploring, Troy stayed near the beach, playing with the rocks and trying to make friends with the other children. It felt good to get out of the heat. Eventually, I coaxed Troy to let me take him out on the raft, while my wife swam out to her rock. We edged around the shoreline and finally made it out to meet her.

We stayed out for several hours before deciding to head home. That’s when Troy started to throw a temper tantrum because I wouldn’t let him take every rock in the sea home with us. It got loud. It got teary. And everyone on the beach was staring. But I refused to budge. We had agreed on four rocks, and he was only getting four rocks. So, I carried all of the gear up to the car, and then came back for Troy. I threw him over my shoulder and carried him up the cliff, kicking and screaming the entire way. He finally calmed down when he fell asleep on the way home.

After showers and a late lunch, my mother-in-law took Troy to get a special present. Apparently, without my knowledge or consent, she had arranged to get a bunny rabbit from someone in the village and give it to Troy. He was thrilled, and she was delighted to be the favorite once again. Now, we have to deal with the fallout of giving the rabbit back when we leave.

Later in the evening, my wife’s cousin and his family came over to visit. They are also in Cyprus on holiday. We had seen them in Athens on our last trip to Greece, and his two daughters were very sweet to Troy. It was good to see them again. They’re a very nice family, and all of them will speak to me in English to make me feel more welcome. The two daughters were once again very taken with Troy, and he enjoyed the attention, showing off his rabbit and telling them stories about dragons and giant snakes. While he did that, we shared wedding photos with my wife’s cousin and his wife, since they were unable to come to the wedding. It was a nice evening to sit on the porch and enjoy good company.

The Labyrinthine Wedding – Day 11

Another early morning flight, but this time Troy was not compliant at all.  He refused to wake up, and when I finally managed to get him up and dressed, he plopped down on the floor in the den and refused to move.  He wouldn’t decide on what he wanted to eat, and he wouldn’t go to the bathroom.  I was trying to convince him that he couldn’t “hold it” as he kept telling me, but he had a meltdown and refused to budge except for his mother.

My wife was running around trying to put the last things into her suitcase and help deal with Troy.  At the same time, my mother-in-law was standing in the doorway anxiously indicating that we were already late to leave for the airport.  Because that’s always helpful when you’re dealing with a stubborn four-year old.  My wife took over with Troy, and I went with my mother-in-law to put the suitcases in the car.  By the time we got back, Troy was sort of headed in the right direction.  But then, we had some drama over which way to go to the car.  I was prepared to go down the stairs to the gate, but my mother-in-law wanted me to go down the elevator and out the garage.  The only issue was that the garage door was already closed and the other door from the garage was locked.  She came all the way downstairs to tell me to go out the garage door, instead of setting the house alarm like she was supposed to be doing.  Then, she had to go back up the stairs to set the house alarm, which made us even later.

By the time we finally got on the road, my mother-in-law was a nervous wreck.  She was speeding down the road, dangerously passing people on two wheels around blind curves.  Every time she had to wait behind a slow car, she was cussing them under her breath.  She whipped into the departure lane at the airport barely coming to a rolling stop as we yanked the suitcases out of the back of the car.  Then, she started honking at other people who were disembarking from their cars because they were blocking her in.

For all of this drama, we actually made it with plenty of time to spare, so the death-defying antics were pointless.  We even had time to buy coffee and chocolate.  The flight was another quick one, but they still served us a small lunch sandwich.  This is when Troy’s exhaustion caught up with him.  He didn’t want to eat the sandwich; he just wanted to pull the turkey and cheese off of it.  But then he dropped the sandwich (onto the tray, not the floor), and he got upset.  He started kicking the chair in front of him, sending the poor man in it jerking forward several times.  He started trying to slam the tray closed, catching my wife’s finger in it in the process.  She got mad and chewed him out, which made him start crying.  Then, nothing would pacify him.  He was wailing at the top of his lungs for twenty minutes, while everyone in the cabin turned around to see what was going on.  My wife was trying to calm him down, but he was mad at her, so he didn’t want her to touch or talk to him.  My wife refused to trade seats with me, so I could try to deescalate the situation, because she wanted to make a point with him that this behavior wouldn’t be tolerated.  By the time we were landing at the airport, Troy was a red, blubbering mess.

As soon as we hit the terminal, my mother-in-law took off like a bat out of hell.  I was carrying two backpacks and herding Troy, and my wife was limping along on her injured knee…and my mother-in-law left us all behind.  She never even looked behind her.  She just did her own thing.  My wife said she was anxious about the car, but I pointed out that our presence, or lack thereof, would keep her from going anywhere anyway.  When we hit the customs line, we ran into more bad luck.  My mother-in-law jetted through the EU passport line, while for some reason, the stupid airport security person sent us through the slow, jammed-packed, Non-EU passport line.  We’ve never had this issue before.  I am always able to tag along with my wife on her EU passport, which means I no longer get stuck waiting in the “other” line for an interminable amount of time.  But not today!

And what did my mother-in-law do while we stood in the stupid passport line for twenty minutes?  She ran off to the baggage claim, even though she didn’t have any baggage to claim!  Thankfully, I guess, she had somehow managed to drag our suitcases off the conveyor belt.  But as soon as we got them from her, she took off again, practically running across the airport…in the wrong direction.  By the time we finally caught up with her, she was heading in the opposite direction and zoomed on by us.  We slowly turned around and headed after her.  We found her on the sidewalk, waiting for the rental car.  So again, no reason to rush at all.

We crammed the luggage and ourselves into the car, and then my mother-in-law took off at full speed again.  She was racing around people, cussing out slow drivers, and at one point, she even ran over a curb.  Why were we in such a hurry, you may ask?  Well, I still don’t know, because we pulled up at her house, unpacked the car, and then everyone dropped for a nap.  I still contend that she’s just an anxious traveler, and she can’t turn it off until she reaches her destination. 

After we arrived, my mother-in-law told me that she was so hungry, because she hadn’t eaten anything all day.  I asked her if she just wasn’t hungry or if she didn’t have time.  She said she didn’t have time, because she packed her suitcase this morning, and then she was rushing us along.  Maybe she should have packed her suitcase last night like we did…and then just calmed the freak down!!!  It just unnecessarily adds more stress to an already stressful situation.

The Labyrinthine Wedding – Day 10

Well, today was as bad as we expected it to be.  We did manage to get out of the apartment with no issues, and even Troy was compliant as he dragged himself through the motions.  But we were all tired.  We are not made for the Greek way of life of staying up late every night socializing, especially when we have to get up early the next morning.  Several days of this in a row, and our batteries are drained.  So, we grabbed my mother-in-law and her best friend; loaded up on coffee, milk, and donuts from the only bakery open on a Sunday morning; and headed to Heraklion.

The airport was surprisingly packed, but we got away okay.  My wife and son slept on the plane, even though the flight was only about 45 minutes long.  I crashed as soon as we got to my mother-in-law’s house.  I had a good three-hour nap before getting up for some food.  I was still exhausted, so I spent the evening enjoying the sea breeze on the balcony while my wife and son took another nap.

We have another early flight tomorrow morning to Cyprus for the last stage of our adventure.  Which means another repacking of our suitcase tonight.  I can’t believe that we will have taken eight different flights by the time this trip is over.

The Labyrinthine Wedding – Day 9

Today was our second of two “free” days in Crete, but none of us was in any rush to get up and enjoy it.  We slept in until 11:00 a.m. and then dragged ourselves out of bed to meet my wife’s cousins near the beach for lunch.  Unfortunately, it took longer than we expected, because there was an open market in the village, which shut down the main road…and consequently the only road that we could use to reach my mother-in-law’s apartment.  We tried several different ways, but we were always turned back by a barricade.  And because of the stupid design of the roads in the village, which are one way only, we ended up literally driving in circles for over an hour.  We finally managed to find a way through after the market started breaking down.

We met my wife’s cousins at a restaurant in Matala, near the beach that we had gone to on Thursday.  The restaurant was known for a few things, but namely their brick oven pizza, which is what I got.  Since Greek was exclusively spoken at the table the entire time, this lunch was really about my wife catching up with family that she hadn’t seen in years.  So, I tried to entertain Troy.  Unfortunately, he was completely enamored with the stray cats that were wandering around the café looking for food.  I tried to dissuade him, but he was obsessed, and the cats seemed to enjoy the attention as well.  Troy didn’t finally leave them alone until one of them scratched him.

After that, we headed over to Komos Beach, which was another beach with beautiful views of the sunset, to cool off and swim.  Troy played with my wife’s cousin’s kids (his second cousins?) on the beach, building a sandcastle, while my wife and I floated in the cool, clear water.  The beach was larger and more spread out than the Matala beach, so it didn’t feel as crowded.  However, there was a rock shelf just off the shoreline that made walking in the water difficult.  The waves were also pretty strong, and both my wife and I got swept off our feet right onto the hard rock shelf below.  It wasn’t too bad once you got out deeper into the sea, and I got a beautiful view of the sun setting into the water in front of me.  Then, in the twilight light, Troy and I splashed around a little in the waves near the shore before it got completely dark.

We went back to the apartment for a quick shower and change of clothes before heading out to dinner with the wedding party at around 10:30 p.m.  There were several kids there, so Troy wanted me to take him to the courtyard across the street near the little church to play with them.  He ended up finding Gwenny, as well as another cute English-speaking brunette named Eleni, and the three of them played chase and ran from imaginary zombies and snakes.  It was eerily like watching Troy play with Misha and Sasha.

After dinner, a few of us went back to my brother-in-law’s villa to help them eat their wedding cake.  Troy and Nikolas, another little boy about the same age, were being entertained by my new sister-in-law, and I had to pry him away to finally leave and head back to our apartment.

For some stupid reason, my mother-in-law booked us on an early flight in the morning back to Athens, so we’re going to be dead tomorrow.  We need to leave by 6:30 a.m., so after we’d packed our suitcases and finally went to bed it was around 3:30 a.m.  Here’s to three hours of sleep!

The Labyrinthine Wedding – Day 8

Well, I was awoken this morning at 8:30 a.m. by banging from the apartment upstairs.  Since it was going at least until we left for the wedding, I can only assume that they’re renovating it or something.  Needless to say, it was annoying and was giving me another headache.  And since we didn’t leave the apartment until it was time to go to the wedding around 3:00 p.m., that was a long time to hear banging.

This morning, the only activity that was occurring was getting ready for the wedding; ironing the clothes, doing up our hair, putting on our make-up (obviously those last two were only my wife), and waiting in boredom (mostly Troy).  When we were finally ready to leave, Troy decided to have a meltdown about everything…he didn’t want to wear the bowtie, he didn’t want us to comb his hair, the shoes were hurting his feet, he didn’t want ME to carry him, he didn’t want to sit in his car seat, etc.  So, we were late for the pre-wedding activities at my brother-in-law's villa.  But we made it with plenty of time to participate, so it was all good.

Apparently, there’s a tradition where the women help the bride get ready and the men help the groom get ready.  Not just the wedding party, but all family and friends as well.  So, I was ushered into a room with 20 other men, and we proceeded to remove my brother-in-law’s clothes and put on his wedding outfit.  Each man did something to assist, like I buttoned one shirt sleeve for instance.  The women were getting ready in the next room, so we were having fun, clapping, chanting, and shouting with them to see who could make more noise.  We lost.

The next stage was pre-wedding pictures of the bride and groom in their outfits…separately.  Well, it was mostly of the bride.  I watched as they positioned her in just about every room of the villa in every stiff and uncomfortable pose imaginable.  Then, they took her outside and photographed her in the courtyard and by the pool.  For the groom, they put him in the courtyard and rotated through his friends and family.  It was over in minutes.  After two and a half hours of this, the whole party suddenly went into frantic activity, and we jumped in the cars to head to the church. 

The Church of Panagia was located in Matala, the place where we went swimming in the sea yesterday.  It’s a tiny little church, partially set into a cave within the cliffside.  It was a cool idea, but way too small to fit all of the wedding guests, so only the immediate family and bridal party were allowed inside.  The bride walked up a winding road to the church, being accompanied by her father and grandfather, her bridal women, and two musicians playing and singing.  She met the groom outside the church, and the two of them descended into the church followed by the family.

The inside of the small church was dark and hot.  They had set up some lights to help brighten it up a bit, and one fan was blowing from the corner, but it did little to stave off the interminable heat.  There was about 17 people crammed into this small space with another 2-3 popping in and out of the doorway to take pictures.  Everyone inside was sweating profusely, but we made it through the chanting of the vows, the exchange of rings, the sharing of the wine, and the walk around the altar with the connected wreaths on their heads (symbolizing their first steps as a married couple).  Then, we headed back outside for the wedding guests to congratulate the new couple by showering them with rice as they emerged from the church.

The reception was held at a reception hall back near my brother-in-law's villa.  It was a very neat venue, but unfortunately it was all outdoors, so the heat was still a problem.  We were awarded the honor of being placed at the wedding party table with the family, but my mother-in-law didn’t want to sit up there until her son begged her to come.  So, we ended up directly near the band and a giant speaker, which meant that I had a good view of…well, everything…but also that I was deaf.

The evening started off with the bride and groom cutting the cake and doing their first dance together.  And that’s it.  Unlike at my wedding where I had to open the buffet bar, cut the cake, do best man and maid of honor speeches, and do our first dance; they just did the cake.  Later, they would go from table to table to toast each one, like we did; but that was after they’d had a chance to eat and enjoy some entertainment.  And I’m going to emphasize that they actually got to eat…at their wedding…not at an airport some eight hours later.  Instead of a buffet, they served several different appetizers that came out family style, before serving some barbequed meat and rice soup.  I quite enjoyed the appetizers, because you could pick and choose what you wanted to eat and how much.  It also gave us a chance to try a lot of different things.

While we ate, they had some traditional Cretan folk dancers entertain everyone.  The dances were lively and energetic, and they involved a lot of jumping, kicking, and slapping the boots.  The dancers were very good, and I count this as one of the highlights of the evening.  Instead of a DJ, like we had, they had hired a live band to play traditional Greek music, which was also very good.  I was impressed that they sang non-stop for some eight hours.

After the performers were done, they opened the dance floor up to everyone.  And for the rest of the night, which was about eight or nine hours (I’m not exactly sure, because we left before it was over), people danced.  There were dances where people were side-by-side in a semi-circle, which closed tighter and tighter as the song went on.  There were dances where three or four people would start out, and then one-by-one more and more people would connect to the chain.  There were dances where the bride was in the center while people danced around her.  And there were dances where the bride sat near the band while the groom and other men danced in front of her one-by-one.

Meanwhile, out in the courtyard by the multi-colored fountain, they had hired a clown to play games with the kids.  Troy tried out the first game, but since the instructions were in Greek, he didn’t want to participate after that.  He did meet a cute little blonde girl named Gwenny, who he hit it off with.  Her father was Greek, and her mother was English, so she spoke both Greek and English, which I think gave them a common bond.  Toward the end of the night, the clown made balloon animals for the kids.  The boys (and a few of the girls) all seemed to want balloon swords, and a giant melee ensued in the courtyard.  It looked like a battle scene from Braveheart, chaotic and “bloody.”  Ultimately, Troy was the last one standing, mostly because the parents of the other kids came and ushered them back to the table for cake and ice cream.

By 1:45 a.m., Troy was exhausted, and he started to scream, cry, and act out.  It was at this time that I decided that we needed to go.  It took another 20 minutes to finally get my wife and mother-in-law out of there, and Troy just got worse the entire time.  The last straw was when his balloon sword popped, and he completely lost it.  Luckily, the music was so loud that nobody else even noticed.  When we finally got Troy to bed, he went out like a light.  And I’m about to follow.