Vasovagal Syncope

Yesterday, I took Troy to ninja class alone, since my wife wasn’t feeling well. Normally, this wouldn’t be a big deal. I’ve done it a half dozen times before without incident. But yesterday was different. One of the kids fell trying to do a front flip on the trampoline and broke his wrist. I didn’t personally see it, but apparently, he flew off the side, and when he tried to reach out and catch himself, he landed on it awkwardly. He had to walk right by me to get to his grandmother. The injury was gruesome. I won’t describe it here, but there was no doubt it was broken.

At first, I was in shock, but then almost immediately my heart went out to him. I knew he was in pain, but I also knew that it was going to be a tough healing process. Troy’s recovery when he broke his wrist wasn’t pleasant, and this injury was considerably worse. A few of the kids saw what had happened and were visibly and understandably upset. Their parents were trying to reassure them and calm them down. Luckily, Troy was in the other group, so he had no clue what was happening. I texted my wife to let her know what happened, which ended up being a huge mistake. The process of describing the injury to her triggered my vasovagal reflex, and I immediately started to see the black ring clouding my vision that proceeds me blacking out completely. I sat down on a nearby tumbling block and took long, slow breaths to calm myself, but it didn’t help and within seconds I was unconscious.

A reflex syncope is a brief loss of consciousness due to a neurologically-induced drop in blood pressure and/or a decrease in heart rate. Before an affected person passes out, there may be sweating, a decreased ability to see, or a ringing in the ears. Occasionally, the person may also twitch while unconscious. A vasovagal syncope is typically triggered by seeing blood, pain, emotional stress, or prolonged standing.

This definitely describes my state yesterday and also describes my state a few years ago when I blacked out and fell off the examine table. During that incident, the PA told the EMTs that I was having seizures while unconscious. Which I guess was technically true, since a seizure is just abnormal neural activity to the brain that causes a temporary change to muscle movement. In other words, twitching. The issue I had with the PA that day is that he indicated it was an epileptic seizure, not a provoked one. Truly, I think people simply don’t understand what seizures are, which causes them to immediately jump to epilepsy, but that’s only one form.

I have no idea how long I laid there on the block unconscious, but I was brought out of it by Troy’s voice saying, “Look at me, dada!” I awoke as if coming out of a dream to see him lying on the block next to me, a big grin on his face, imitating me. He thought it was some kind of game. I sat up, probably shouldn’t have; pulled out my phone; and texted my wife. God gave me just enough time to type, “I need you to come up here NOW. I just blacked out. Please hurry.” Seconds after hitting send, I blacked out again.

I woke up to the feeling of someone trying to pour water into my mouth. As my vision cleared, I saw Troy’s coach sitting in front of me on the floor. I was also on the floor, propped up against the tumbling block that I had been sitting on a minute before. Two other fathers were there with me, apparently it was they that had seen me collapse and had run to my rescue. One of them told me that I had started to slide off the front of the block, and the block had tilted with me, supporting me all the way to the floor. I had ended up sitting with my back to the block slumped forward. It was a miracle, truly, that I hadn’t face planted onto the concrete floor. Several of the kids had seen me go down, and they came by to see if I was okay. They looked terrified, and I tried to reassure them. I never wanted to scare them, especially after what they’d already seen with that little boy with the broken wrist. It must have been a pretty traumatic morning. But it was very sweet of them to come by and check on me.

My only thought was where was Troy and was he safe. His coach said that he was playing, but that he’d take him up to the front and get him a snack to distract him. I don’t think he wanted Troy to see me like that. While he was up there, the coach called 911, and the EMTs arrived a few minutes later. By that point, I was actually feeling better. I was still on the floor, but I could already sense the blackout feeling receding. The EMTs hooked me up to all kinds of machines to check my vitals. My heart rate was at 46 bpm, and my blood pressure was at 90/63. My wife arrived about that time, and she was freaking out, seeing me hooked up to the various machines. While she explained to one of the guys that I suffer from “white coat syndrome,” the other guys asked me if I thought I could stand, which I said I could do. Big mistake. I managed to stand for a full minute without issue. But after they sat me back down on top of the block, I felt the darkness come for me again. I managed to say, “Guys, I feel another blackout coming,” before I was unconscious for a third time.

I awoke to four guys lifting me up and carrying me to a stretcher. I didn’t try to fight it. I knew it was inevitable that I’d be carted away after blacking out in their presence. I was alert to everyone’s stares as I was carted through the entire facility. I didn’t look at any of them. I stared at the ceiling. I didn’t care what they thought. My only thought was how scared my wife and son must be right then.

The long ride to the hospital was uneventful. I didn’t black out again. The EMT in the back, Caleb, talked to me the entire time. He tried to keep me calm, explained what was happening, and distracted me with other idle chatter. I was appreciative of the gesture. Truly, I was sorry for all of the todo going on because of me. So many people’s lives affected because of my inability to see someone in pain.

I was wheeled into the ER and transferred to a bed. I got hooked up to more machines. I had so many sticky leads stuck to my chest that I knew I was going to look like that scene from the 40 Year Old Virgin when I ripped them off later that night. My wife and son showed up right behind me. By this point, the only ill effects I was feeling was a headache and a little nausea from the ambulance ride. But I endured an IV, a blood draw, and an EKG. We had to wait over an hour for the blood test results. I was in the ER for about two hours, which I guess isn’t that bad, only to find out that there was nothing wrong with me. The doctor suggested I get checked out by a cardiologist anyway just to be sure that there wasn’t an undiagnosed issue with my heart.

While sitting in the ER, I started to cry. I was overwhelmed with emotions over the fact that I was responsible for Troy, and I left him alone. It doesn’t matter that it was completely out of my control. I still left him. It scared me. I’m not really afraid of the vasovagal syncope, because it’s so rare and sporadic. Besides, it’s not something I can control. But I am scared about it happening when I’m alone with Troy. I feel like I can’t trust myself to be alone with him, which makes me sad. That fact shook me up more this time than any other time. And if I can’t be trusted to be alone, then I’m simply a burden on my family. What good am I?

I wanted to take Troy to the mall today, because I know I’m not supposed to get my heart rate up by playing with him. But I also know that he needs to get some energy out. I asked my wife to go with me, because I’m scared to go by myself. I hate being like that. I’ve taken him down there a dozen times without ever doubting myself, but now I’m scared. Perhaps, I’ll go see that cardiologist after all. I certainly can’t live like this. I need peace of mind.