Coach Spider-man

We found out today that Troy's coach for ninja class was actually a stunt double for Andrew Garfield in The Amazing Spider-Man and The Amazing Spider-Man 2 movies.  Long before Frank Chapman was teaching ninja warrior skills to little kids, he was an aerialist and ninja warrior himself.  He apparently utilized those skills to create Spider-Man's iconic web-swinging moves for the movies.  

His high-flying spin moves and body contortions were perfect, but alas there is only so much need for Spider-Man stuntmen, and he needed another way to pay the bills.  We were lucky enough to get him as a coach.  I guess there's always a chance to Troy can pick up some of Coach Frank's experience and use it to forge his own path.  The sky is literally the limit!

Her Own Things

Troy: “Is that thing for babies, dada?”
Me: “What?”
Troy: “That thing in the picture on that board.”
Me: “Oh, yeah.”
Troy: “What is it?”
Me: “It’s kind a chair that bounces to keep the baby entertained while he’s sitting there. It also has some lights and buttons and other things that he can push or move.”
Troy: “Can we get one of those for the new baby?”
Me: “No.”
Troy: “Why not?”
Me: “Because we already have so much stuff from when you were a baby. The baby can just use that.”
Troy: “Oh. But maybe the baby would like her own things. Something new.”
Me: “I’m sure she’ll get plenty of things from her grandparents. I imagine they’ll spoil her like they spoiled you.”
Troy: “I’m not spoiled!”
Me: “Yes, you are! You little imp.”

Vasovagal Syncope

Yesterday, I took Troy to ninja class alone, since my wife wasn’t feeling well. Normally, this wouldn’t be a big deal. I’ve done it a half dozen times before without incident. But yesterday was different. One of the kids fell trying to do a front flip on the trampoline and broke his wrist. I didn’t personally see it, but apparently, he flew off the side, and when he tried to reach out and catch himself, he landed on it awkwardly. He had to walk right by me to get to his grandmother. The injury was gruesome. I won’t describe it here, but there was no doubt it was broken.

At first, I was in shock, but then almost immediately my heart went out to him. I knew he was in pain, but I also knew that it was going to be a tough healing process. Troy’s recovery when he broke his wrist wasn’t pleasant, and this injury was considerably worse. A few of the kids saw what had happened and were visibly and understandably upset. Their parents were trying to reassure them and calm them down. Luckily, Troy was in the other group, so he had no clue what was happening. I texted my wife to let her know what happened, which ended up being a huge mistake. The process of describing the injury to her triggered my vasovagal reflex, and I immediately started to see the black ring clouding my vision that proceeds me blacking out completely. I sat down on a nearby tumbling block and took long, slow breaths to calm myself, but it didn’t help and within seconds I was unconscious.

A reflex syncope is a brief loss of consciousness due to a neurologically-induced drop in blood pressure and/or a decrease in heart rate. Before an affected person passes out, there may be sweating, a decreased ability to see, or a ringing in the ears. Occasionally, the person may also twitch while unconscious. A vasovagal syncope is typically triggered by seeing blood, pain, emotional stress, or prolonged standing.

This definitely describes my state yesterday and also describes my state a few years ago when I blacked out and fell off the examine table. During that incident, the PA told the EMTs that I was having seizures while unconscious. Which I guess was technically true, since a seizure is just abnormal neural activity to the brain that causes a temporary change to muscle movement. In other words, twitching. The issue I had with the PA that day is that he indicated it was an epileptic seizure, not a provoked one. Truly, I think people simply don’t understand what seizures are, which causes them to immediately jump to epilepsy, but that’s only one form.

I have no idea how long I laid there on the block unconscious, but I was brought out of it by Troy’s voice saying, “Look at me, dada!” I awoke as if coming out of a dream to see him lying on the block next to me, a big grin on his face, imitating me. He thought it was some kind of game. I sat up, probably shouldn’t have; pulled out my phone; and texted my wife. God gave me just enough time to type, “I need you to come up here NOW. I just blacked out. Please hurry.” Seconds after hitting send, I blacked out again.

I woke up to the feeling of someone trying to pour water into my mouth. As my vision cleared, I saw Troy’s coach sitting in front of me on the floor. I was also on the floor, propped up against the tumbling block that I had been sitting on a minute before. Two other fathers were there with me, apparently it was they that had seen me collapse and had run to my rescue. One of them told me that I had started to slide off the front of the block, and the block had tilted with me, supporting me all the way to the floor. I had ended up sitting with my back to the block slumped forward. It was a miracle, truly, that I hadn’t face planted onto the concrete floor. Several of the kids had seen me go down, and they came by to see if I was okay. They looked terrified, and I tried to reassure them. I never wanted to scare them, especially after what they’d already seen with that little boy with the broken wrist. It must have been a pretty traumatic morning. But it was very sweet of them to come by and check on me.

My only thought was where was Troy and was he safe. His coach said that he was playing, but that he’d take him up to the front and get him a snack to distract him. I don’t think he wanted Troy to see me like that. While he was up there, the coach called 911, and the EMTs arrived a few minutes later. By that point, I was actually feeling better. I was still on the floor, but I could already sense the blackout feeling receding. The EMTs hooked me up to all kinds of machines to check my vitals. My heart rate was at 46 bpm, and my blood pressure was at 90/63. My wife arrived about that time, and she was freaking out, seeing me hooked up to the various machines. While she explained to one of the guys that I suffer from “white coat syndrome,” the other guys asked me if I thought I could stand, which I said I could do. Big mistake. I managed to stand for a full minute without issue. But after they sat me back down on top of the block, I felt the darkness come for me again. I managed to say, “Guys, I feel another blackout coming,” before I was unconscious for a third time.

I awoke to four guys lifting me up and carrying me to a stretcher. I didn’t try to fight it. I knew it was inevitable that I’d be carted away after blacking out in their presence. I was alert to everyone’s stares as I was carted through the entire facility. I didn’t look at any of them. I stared at the ceiling. I didn’t care what they thought. My only thought was how scared my wife and son must be right then.

The long ride to the hospital was uneventful. I didn’t black out again. The EMT in the back, Caleb, talked to me the entire time. He tried to keep me calm, explained what was happening, and distracted me with other idle chatter. I was appreciative of the gesture. Truly, I was sorry for all of the todo going on because of me. So many people’s lives affected because of my inability to see someone in pain.

I was wheeled into the ER and transferred to a bed. I got hooked up to more machines. I had so many sticky leads stuck to my chest that I knew I was going to look like that scene from the 40 Year Old Virgin when I ripped them off later that night. My wife and son showed up right behind me. By this point, the only ill effects I was feeling was a headache and a little nausea from the ambulance ride. But I endured an IV, a blood draw, and an EKG. We had to wait over an hour for the blood test results. I was in the ER for about two hours, which I guess isn’t that bad, only to find out that there was nothing wrong with me. The doctor suggested I get checked out by a cardiologist anyway just to be sure that there wasn’t an undiagnosed issue with my heart.

While sitting in the ER, I started to cry. I was overwhelmed with emotions over the fact that I was responsible for Troy, and I left him alone. It doesn’t matter that it was completely out of my control. I still left him. It scared me. I’m not really afraid of the vasovagal syncope, because it’s so rare and sporadic. Besides, it’s not something I can control. But I am scared about it happening when I’m alone with Troy. I feel like I can’t trust myself to be alone with him, which makes me sad. That fact shook me up more this time than any other time. And if I can’t be trusted to be alone, then I’m simply a burden on my family. What good am I?

I wanted to take Troy to the mall today, because I know I’m not supposed to get my heart rate up by playing with him. But I also know that he needs to get some energy out. I asked my wife to go with me, because I’m scared to go by myself. I hate being like that. I’ve taken him down there a dozen times without ever doubting myself, but now I’m scared. Perhaps, I’ll go see that cardiologist after all. I certainly can’t live like this. I need peace of mind.

Stranger Father

Misha: “Dad!?”
Troy: “Where’s your dad?”
Misha: “He left me!”
Me [opening door]: “It’s okay. He’s not going to leave you…I don’t think. He’s just inside the door here.”
Misha: “Dad! You can’t just leave a kid behind!”
Varun: “Sure you can. It’s called giving her up for adoption.”
Misha: “No, you can’t! It’s against the rules! Some stranger could walk away with me!”
Varun: “That’s okay. I’ve got another kid.”
Misha: “Dad!”

504

Troy: “Dada, my favorite number is five hundred and four.”
Me: “So, is your favorite number 504, or are your favorite numbers 500…and 4?”
Troy: “Yes.”
Me: “Well, which is it?”
Troy: “Five hundred and four.”
Me: “But that could be one number or two. So, do you like 504, or do you 500 and also like 4?”
Troy: “I like both.”
Me: “Okay, so you have two favorite numbers.”
Troy: “Yes, 500 and 4…and X.”
Me: “X? That’s not a number. It’s a letter.”
Troy: “Yeah, that’s my favorite letter.”
Me: “Why is that?”
Troy: “Because it’s just two lines. One that goes like this and one that goes like that.”

All About That Bass

Troy: “I wish I was grown up already.”
Me: “Why?! It’s much better being a kid. Be a kid as long as you can.”
Troy: “I wish I was grown up, so I could see what my voice will sound like. Will it be high or will it be low?”
Me: “Well, you can’t really see your voice, but you can hear it. I’m not sure what it will sound like though, but I can pretty much guarantee you that it will be lower than it is right now.”
Troy: “Really?”
Me: “Yes. It may not be much lower or it could be a lot lower, but it will be lower. But don’t wish for that right now. I love your voice. I love hearing you talk and sing. You have a beautiful voice.”

Imagine Zombies

Troy: “Why did those zombies eat that guy’s body?”
Me: “Who said they ate his body?”
Troy: “Well, he’s just a head.”
Me: “They’re holding his head, but that doesn’t mean his body isn’t still running around out there somewhere. It’s probably looking for his head. It’s like that monster in that pirate movie we saw.”
Troy: “No, it can’t be.”
Me: “Why not?”
Troy: “He can’t have a body with no head!”
Me: “But he can have a head with no body?”
Troy: “Sure, why not? You saw it didn’t you.”
Me: “That makes no sense.”
Troy: “Why did they take his head off? Why didn’t they just bite him and turn him into a zombie?”
Me: “They DID turn him into a zombie. How else would he be only a head, but still be alive?!”
Troy: “I don’t know. But if they turned him into a zombie, then why did they take his head off?”
Me: “I have no idea. Maybe they were wrestling like we do, and his head popped off.”
Troy: “And they didn’t want to leave it there, so they’re carrying it around?”
Me: “Exactly!”
Troy: "Then, why did they eat his body?”
Me: “I’m still not agreeing that they DID eat his body, but if we assume for a moment that that premise is true, then all I can say is that maybe they ate it because they were hungry.”
Troy: “Yeah. That makes sense.”

Urban Chic

With all of the rain we’ve been getting the last couple of days, there was standing water all over the playground at Troy’s daycare. And if there’s standing water, then Troy will find a puddle to sit in. I’m not sure if it was on purpose or accident, but he ended up getting a reversed “pee his pants,” where the only thing still dry was the front crotch area. He even managed to get his underwear, shoes, and socks drenched as well. I’m not entirely sure if it happened before I came to pick him up, or if it was when he and Misha were trying to hide from me and Misha’s mother. Either way, I ended up with a wet baby.

Troy has an emergency set of clothes in his little dinosaur backpack, but this is mostly for when he throws up, gets a bloody nose, or spills something on himself. It doesn’t really help if he gets his shoes wet too. Also the emergency pants were shorts, but it was getting pretty chilly as the temperature dropped from the cold front rolling through. I did the best I could to at least get him out of the wet clothes, but I had planned to take him to the mall today, and he was not properly attired for that. I told him that now we couldn’t go, and he started crying. But choices have consequences, right?

Letting him stew over his poor choices for a little bit, I quickly formulated a plan as we headed in the direction of the house. I didn’t tell him what we were doing, but I navigated the car to a Target nearby where my old office was located. Shoeless and in shorts, I plopped him into a basket and wheeled him into the store, where I proceeded to buy him an entire outfit complete with new shoes, cargo pants, and a hoodie. It was getting pretty windy outside, so I quickly dressed him, standing in the basket in the parking lot, and then I finally told him that now we could go to three mall.

His mood did a complete 180. He went from sad and sulking to elated and dancing. He was jumping up and down, yelling, “Yeah!” After we got inside the car, he popped his head between the front seats and said, “Dada, can I give you a hug?” I thought he was going to squeeze my head clean off, he was hugging me so hard. I was glad to see him so happy. When he stepped out of the car at the mall, I finally got the full view of his new outfit. He looked like a model, showing off the urban chic look. The only thing he was missing were headphones and some tunes playing, so he could show off his amazing dance moves as he float-walked across the parking lot! The look really suited him, and he must have loved it too, because he didn’t want to take the clothes or shoes off when we got home.

Solar Eclipse

Today, we were experiencing a total solar eclipse, and Dallas was directly in the path of complete totality. They were expecting the roads to be crazy with people trying to watch the event, so we decided to keep Troy home from school. At around 12:30 pm, we headed outside for a glimpse through our new solar glasses as the moon began creeping in front of the sun. Totality happened a little over an hour later, so we stayed outside watching as the light around us took on an eerie glow, feeling the temperature drop a noticeable couple of degrees, feel the wind pick up, watching heat bands dance across the driveway, and watching the birds flying around in crazy patterns. My wife and I thought it was completely amazing. Troy took one glance, and then he spent the rest of the time looking for bugs in the flowerbed. I guess he’s too young to truly appreciate it. Maybe at the very least, he’ll remember that he experienced it. After all, it’ll be some twenty years before it happens again.

Perfect Deafness

Dr.: “Everything looks fine. Troy is doing well.”
Me: “Looks like you still have a brain, Troy. The zombies didn’t get it yet.”
Dr.: “His hearing is also perfect. So, if he doesn’t listen to you, you can’t blame that.”
Me: “Good to know. He’s just a turd.”