Goose Foot

Me: “Whoa, there’s goose right there, wandering through the parking lot. I almost hit him.”
Troy: “He has really big feet.”
Me: “Do you know why geese have feet like that?”
Troy: “To slap people around with them!”
Me [laughing]: “Well, there’s that, but I was thinking of another reason.”
Troy: “They also use them for swimming.”
Me: “Exactly! The webbing between their toes acts just like the fins you use in your swimming class.”
Troy: “I already know that. But they mostly use their feet to slap people!”
Me [laughing]: “Now, I can’t stopping picturing this goose walking around slapping people for no reason. Or maybe it’s like on that movie Don’t Mess With the Zohan, and he sticks his little goose foot up in their face and says, ‘Smell it…smell it…now, take it!’ And then, he slaps them in the face!”
Troy [laughing]: “Yeah, that or he bites them.”
Me: “My stepfather got bit by a goose once. As a matter of fact, that stupid goose used to chase him all over the yard, nipping at his legs with her beak. She was a huge white goose, so he called her Big Bertha.”
Troy [laughing]: “That’s funny. Why did she bite him?”
Me: “Well, mostly because she was mean. But later, it was because she was protecting her eggs, and she thought he was going to steal them.”
Troy: “Did her teeth hurt when she bit him?”
Me [laughing]: “Teeth?! She didn’t have teeth! Birds don’t have teeth!”
Troy: “Yes, they do!”
Me: “The only bird that has teeth is the golden goose from Puss in Boots.”
Troy: “No, you’re wrong. Birds have small teeth on the inside of their beaks.”
Me: “I’m sorry, bud, but I’m going to have to cry fowl on that one. Just to appease you, we’ll look it up. And I will happily admit that I am wrong, if we can find a bird that has teeth. But I don’t think that we will. See…no teeth. All these sites even say that they don’t have them.”
Troy: “What about that picture right there!”
Me: “Those aren’t teeth. Those are ridges in the bird’s beak that it uses to grind food, similar to teeth, but not true teeth.”
Troy: “How about that one?!”
Me [laughing]: “That’s fake! That was someone making up a picture of what it would look like IF birds had teeth. See…here’s another one with fangs like a vampire.”
Troy: “Well, I still think you’re wrong. I know they have little teeth inside their beaks.”
Me: “Oh my gosh, I’m not wrong! We just looked it up!”
Troy: “They’re wrong too.”
Me: “Every official bird site in the world can’t be wrong!”
Troy: “And yet…they are.”
Me: “Unbelievable!”

Passive Recess

Me: “I’m sorry, bud, but I’m not going to be able to stay long tonight. I have terrible heartburn, and I need to go downstairs and take something for it.”
Troy: “Your heart is on fire?”
Me: “Not literally. But I ate some spicy food at dinner, and now the acid in my stomach is traveling back up my throat, and it’s making it burn like it’s on fire. It’s called acid reflux.”
Troy: “Does it make you throw up?”
Me: “Not usually, but sometimes.”

…a few minutes go by, and I burp…

Troy: “Was that passive recess?”
Me: “Passive recess?”
Troy: “Yeah.”
Me [laughing]: “You mean ‘acid reflux’?”
Troy [laughing too]: “It’s the same thing!”
Me: “No, it wasn’t passive recess. It was just a burp, but it still hurt.”

…a few more minutes go by of me being in agony…

Me: “I’m sorry, man, I’m going to have to go deal with this. My passive recess is becoming unbearable.”
Troy [laughing]: “Stop calling it that!”
Me: “But that’s what you called it!”
Troy: “That’s because I couldn’t remember what you said.”
Me: “Fine. Good night.”
Troy: “Good night.”

The Bug Treasure

Troy: “Dada, look at this giant tree. It looks like it got struck by lightning.”
Me: “It sure does.”
Troy: “And look at all of these letters and pictures cut into it.”
Me: “Yeah, it looks like a lot of people vandalized it. I don’t know why they can’t just leave nature alone, so everyone can enjoy it. Nobody cares about who hiked this trail or who they have a crush on!”
Troy: “So, they carved their initials into this tree trunk, like a pumpkin.”
Me: “Sort of, yeah.”
Troy: “So, it’s a trumpkin?
Me [laughing]: “Yeah, I guess it is. I love that! Trumpkin! That’s awesome!”
Troy: “Well, these marks don’t look like anyone cut them into the tree. What are these?”
Me: “Which ones?”
Troy: “These squiggly ones here.”
Me: “Ah. Those are caused by insects and worms living under the bark of the tree as they dig around inside. You can’t really see them until the tree dies and the bark falls off.”
Troy: “It’s really cool. It looks like a picture. I wonder what it means.”
Me: “Maybe it’s a treasure map to the bug’s treasure! If we follow it, we just might find it. Let’s follow their path.”

…a few minutes of me walking in squiggly lines like I’m drunk and trying to walk the yellow line, then looping back on my path and going in circles, and I end up about two feet from where I started and from where Troy is standing, staring at me like I’ve lost my mind…

Me: “If I’ve done it correctly, the treasure must be here under this plant.”
Troy: “It’s not a treasure map. Bugs don’t have treasure.”
Me: “Well, you could have mentioned that earlier before I made a complete fool of myself!”
Troy: “Let’s just keep walking.”
Me: “Fine.”

FaceyTiming with Your Bestie

Troy had a FaceyTime with Misha today, because he was desperately craving a friend to spend time with. Apparently, he was bored with our company. I guess helping me do housework and house projects didn’t seem like a fun prospect. They spent an hour on the phone together, showing each other their toys and playing games on the iPad…well, Troy played and Misha watched. But the really cute part was when they sat on the couch and watched TV together. Troy propped the phone up next to him, so Misha could see as they watched the Wild Kratts. Unfortunately, all good things must eventually come to an end, and that end was when my wife’s phone ran out of battery. But at least they had some quality, long distance time together.

Ghosts

Me: “Ooh, Troy, look over there. The sky looks so ominous and foreboding. Do you know what those words mean?”
Troy: “No.”
Me: “They mean that it feels like something bad is coming. Something dark.”
Troy: “Like what?”
Me: “I’m not sure. Maybe a gathering of ghosts. You see how the clouds are sort of blurry almost like a thousand ghosts are swirling around. Maybe they’re looking for our house.”
Troy: “Why would they be doing that?”
Me: “To come over for dinner, of course!”
Troy: “Then, why would they be swirling around instead of just going to our house?”
Me: “Maybe they can’t find it. Maybe their GPS is leading them to the wrong place.”

Ghost 1: “So, what does the GPS say?”
Ghost 2: “It’s freaking out. It keeps telling me to take a left turn.”
Ghost 1: “Well, we’re doing that, but if we keep swirling like this, we’re not only going to miss dinner, but some of the ghosts are going to throw up.”
GPS: “In 100 feet, take a left turn. Take a left turn.”
Ghost 2: “We did that already! What else have you got?!”
Ghost 1: “You know that thing can’t actually hear you, right?”
Ghost in the Middle: “Are we there yet?”
Ghost 1: “No!”
Ghost in the Back: “I’m hungry, when are we going to get there?”
Ghost 1: “When we get there!”
GPS: “In 100 feet, take a left turn. Take a left turn.”
Ghost 1: “You better fix that thing. The natives are getting restless.”
Ghost 2: “I’m doing everything I can, but nothing is working!”
Ghost 1: “Did you make sure you have the correct address?”
Ghost 2: “Of course I did! I’m not an idiot!”
Ghost in the Back: “Are we lost?”
Ghost 1: “Why would you think that?”
Ghost in the Back: “Because we’re just flying in circles.”
Ghost 1: “We’re not flying in circles! We’re swirling!”
Ghost in the Middle: “What’s the difference?”
Ghost 1: “That’s it! Both of you to the back of the swirl!”
Ghost in the Middle: “Awww, come on!”
Ghost 2: “Wait a second, isn’t that our host’s car?”
Ghost 1: “Yes! Everyone follow that car! Dinner is back on!”

Troy [giggling]: “That’s hilarious! Ghosts using GPS!”
Me: “Of course…Ghost Positioning System.”

The Barnyard Race

Troy’s reading has improved dramatically over the last few months. He is not only sounding out words more easily and more quickly, but he also has started to recognize more words from sight. Whereas, it used to take our whole ten-minute session to muddle through one page of his book, now, we are getting through three! However, the main difference is his confidence. He believes he can do it now, he doesn’t have the “down on himself” groan sessions, and he’s actually proud of his accomplishments. We’re still reading through our own collection instead of the ones that the teacher sends home, but it’s okay. He’s getting the practice and enjoying some fun stories as well. It’s all about him improving and enjoying reading. In fact, the teacher told us that Troy is perfectly where they expect him to be and on pace to be ready for next year. So, he went from way behind to back on track! I’m so proud of the effort he’s put into this. He’s a remarkable little man.

Favorite Book Character Day

They had Book Character Day at Troy’s school today in honor of Read Across America week. The kids all dressed up as their favorite book character, and they paraded through the school in their outfits, carrying the accompanying book. I happened to have a rare free morning, so I took Troy to school today and stayed for the parade. It was cute to see all of the kids dressed up, and how creative some of them had gotten with their costumes.

Troy dressed up as Martin, the blue brother, from The Wild Kratts. My wife had ordered him an official creature power suit and gloves just like they wear on the show, and I finished off the look with a blue t-shirt and tan cargo pants. Troy loved his costume, and he was so excited to show it off. And I’m happy to say that he was the only Wild Kratt there!

Alien Party

The day of Troy’s 6th birthday party finally arrived. I’d like to say it went off without a hitch, but that would be both a lie and unreasonably optimistic. We decided to hold the event at Kid’s Empire, because as Troy stated when I asked if he’d like to go mini golfing or the play land, “I think kids would enjoy the play land more. I’m not sure that everyone knows how to golf.” It was for the best anyway, because even though the day started off nicely, we ended up having a storm blow through in the afternoon. Unfortunately, I think the fact that we had the party across town might have deterred some parents from bringing their kids, even though it was only a half-hour drive. We only had five kids from his class accept the invitation, and then three of those got sick the day before the party.

The theme of his party was aliens. Since Troy’s favorite part of our vacation over Christmas was Roswell, we decided to ride that into his birthday. I made a custom alien-themed invitation, and my wife ordered alien-themed plates, cups, napkins, table cloths, and blow-up figures to decorate the venue. We decided to go back to The London Baker to get our cake, since it turned out pretty well last year. I had found a cool design on the internet that featured a base decorated to look like an alien planet with a prominent alien head affixed to the top. With some minor alterations, the bakery initially agreed to our design, but then three days before the party, they called to say that they had taken on too many orders and couldn’t make the cake topper. Needless to say, we were livid. It seemed unprofessional to sign a contract with someone and then back out at the last minute because you couldn’t manage your business. Especially since we had put in our order a month ago! It also meant that my wife and I had to suddenly find a new cake topper. We ended up with a small ufo and some little green aliens for the top with some other monster-like creatures around the base. In the end, Troy loved his cake, and none of the kids was the wiser about the faux pas.

We ultimately had ten kids at the party, because we offered those who had accepted the invitation to bring their siblings too. And Troy got to see Misha, Sasha, and Charlotte again, which made him happier than anything. The kids seemed to have a great time running around and playing together, and my wife and I got to meet a few new parents, so I suppose we’ll count it as a success in the end. My “long lost” uncle and aunt, who I haven’t seen in seven years, even made a surprise appearance. I would have preferred a day with less drama and stress, but my little boy was happy, so that’s all that matters to me.

First Bicycle

I have been waiting until my mom arrived to give Troy his main birthday gift, which was a new bicycle. The reason was that her gift was a bicycle helmet, and I thought it made sense to give them to him together. I had purposely taken Troy to his playcare a couple of days last week, so I could assemble the bicycle without him seeing it. Then, I stuffed it into the attic until today.

He was bouncing-up-and-down excited when I rolled it around the couch. It’s a dark charcoal color with red and black accents. He got even more excited when he saw the helmet, which is black with three rows of green spiky fins down the center. Of course, he wanted to take it outside to ride it right away. We started off letting him tour around the house a little to get used to it, and then we headed outside for a quick jaunt down the sidewalk and back. I think he’s going to enjoy it. We might have to get our own bicycles to keep up with him…or I guess take up jogging!

Ice Skating Party

We attended our third birthday party today for Garrett. It’s interesting that only the boys in Troy’s class are having parties…or at least are inviting people to them. Garrett apparently is very big into hockey, so he had an ice skating party at the Dallas Stars practice facility. Troy was less than enthusiastic about this party even before we ever left the house. I tried to mentally prepare him for it, so he knew what to expect, but he just psyched himself out.

We got him a helmet, so he’d feel more comfortable and confident out on the ice. I laced up to go out with him. And pretty much nobody but Garrett knew how to skate, so he was in good newbie company. But nothing could convince him to step out on the ice. He stood outside the door, hanging onto the wall, refusing to move. They had a little area cordoned off for less skilled skaters, just like at the roller rink, with stacked buckets that you could hold onto and push across the ice. But even that couldn’t get him out there.

Ultimately, it was the threat of foregoing it all and going home…and him missing out on the fun and grand adventure…that finally got him to place one unsteady blade out there. I gave him a stack of buckets, so he wouldn’t fall, and I held onto him the whole time. He practiced balancing on the blades while I pushed him and his buckets slowly around the ice. Eventually, he loosened up a little (a very little) and let me push him a little faster. I think he actually enjoyed the freedom and danger of sliding at “high” speeds. And 30 minutes later, when they called everyone to get off the ice for the Zamboni, Troy even risked letting go of the buckets and me, and he tiptoed along the wall to the exit all by himself.

Astra Lumina

Since my wife’s mother and my parents were all in town for Troy’s birthday, we wanted to find something fun to do. So, my wife found this cool experience going on at the Trinity Forest Adventure Park. It’s called Astra Lumina. Essentially, you take walk through the woods, down lighted paths, and experience the stars through lights and music. But that in no way adequately describes what it’s like to be there.

They’ve divided the walk into different stations, if you will. Each station tries to recreate an aspect of the night sky, to make you see it, but also to feel it…to evoke an emotion in you. They use lights and music in various ways to accomplish this. Such as creating starlight on the ground by shining lights through giant cylinders perforated with holes that look like constellations. Or having you walk through arches of light that swirl and move around you. Or simulating falling stars or meteors coming to earth. Or giant lit-up spheres suspended in the trees that make you feel like you’re traveling through the cosmos. Or an entire meadow with dancing lights that twinkle and move like the night sky. Or a forest with light rays, cutting through the trees, like the light that shoots across the galaxy from the stars to us.

Each station becomes your favorite, because each is different from the last and evokes something different inside you…something elemental and natural. But the whole experience is so calming and soothing. It’s like you can leave all your cares behind and just be. Just be in the moment. Just be in nature. Just be still as the beauty of it all washes over you. It is a must-see, and I’m thankful my wife found it.