Goose Foot

Me: “Whoa, there’s goose right there, wandering through the parking lot. I almost hit him.”
Troy: “He has really big feet.”
Me: “Do you know why geese have feet like that?”
Troy: “To slap people around with them!”
Me [laughing]: “Well, there’s that, but I was thinking of another reason.”
Troy: “They also use them for swimming.”
Me: “Exactly! The webbing between their toes acts just like the fins you use in your swimming class.”
Troy: “I already know that. But they mostly use their feet to slap people!”
Me [laughing]: “Now, I can’t stopping picturing this goose walking around slapping people for no reason. Or maybe it’s like on that movie Don’t Mess With the Zohan, and he sticks his little goose foot up in their face and says, ‘Smell it…smell it…now, take it!’ And then, he slaps them in the face!”
Troy [laughing]: “Yeah, that or he bites them.”
Me: “My stepfather got bit by a goose once. As a matter of fact, that stupid goose used to chase him all over the yard, nipping at his legs with her beak. She was a huge white goose, so he called her Big Bertha.”
Troy [laughing]: “That’s funny. Why did she bite him?”
Me: “Well, mostly because she was mean. But later, it was because she was protecting her eggs, and she thought he was going to steal them.”
Troy: “Did her teeth hurt when she bit him?”
Me [laughing]: “Teeth?! She didn’t have teeth! Birds don’t have teeth!”
Troy: “Yes, they do!”
Me: “The only bird that has teeth is the golden goose from Puss in Boots.”
Troy: “No, you’re wrong. Birds have small teeth on the inside of their beaks.”
Me: “I’m sorry, bud, but I’m going to have to cry fowl on that one. Just to appease you, we’ll look it up. And I will happily admit that I am wrong, if we can find a bird that has teeth. But I don’t think that we will. See…no teeth. All these sites even say that they don’t have them.”
Troy: “What about that picture right there!”
Me: “Those aren’t teeth. Those are ridges in the bird’s beak that it uses to grind food, similar to teeth, but not true teeth.”
Troy: “How about that one?!”
Me [laughing]: “That’s fake! That was someone making up a picture of what it would look like IF birds had teeth. See…here’s another one with fangs like a vampire.”
Troy: “Well, I still think you’re wrong. I know they have little teeth inside their beaks.”
Me: “Oh my gosh, I’m not wrong! We just looked it up!”
Troy: “They’re wrong too.”
Me: “Every official bird site in the world can’t be wrong!”
Troy: “And yet…they are.”
Me: “Unbelievable!”