End of All Hope

Well, the second test came back negative.  I’m devastated.  I have so many questions, and absolutely no answers to any of them.  Most of them start with “Why?”  Why did God let this happen?  The God of the universe, who can do and overcome anything, why didn’t He?  Why didn’t He answer our prayers, and the prayers of dozens of people praying for us?  Why didn’t He fulfill His promise to me?  I know that sometimes prayers aren’t answered, because the outcome could be bad or selfish, and the answering might even counteract someone else’s prayers.  But how could that possibly apply here?  How could bringing another miracle into the world in the form of a little baby possibly be bad?  How could that hurt anyone?  And even if it might, in some unforeseen way, then God can overcome it, right?

I feel so betrayed.  During every step of this process, the first thing on my mind was to praise God.  I sat here just three days ago and thanked Him for this miracle, and He accepted it, knowing three days later that He was going to take it away.  My wife has struggled to have faith, struggled to have hope, struggled to believe that God wanted to do this for us.  And at the exact moment after four years of struggling when she was finally starting to allow herself to hope and believe, He took it away from her.  Why would He do that?  Why wouldn’t He want that kind of testimony in the world, encouraging others and spreading that faith and hope like wildfire?  Why would He set her spiritual walk back, when she was so tentative and new in trusting Him and trusting that next step?  I hurt for her and what this will do to her.