Me:
“Troy, didn’t I tell you to go bug your mother until I was out the bathroom?”
Troy:
“I didn’t want to go bug her.”
Me:
“Why? You have no problem sitting here bugging me?”
Troy:
“But I like bugging you.”
Me:
“Why do you like bugging me?”
Troy:
“Because it’s my favorite thing.”
Me [laughing]: “Really?!”
I panicked. I called for him. I was frantically going around very section, looking under and inside every rack of clothing. But no Troy. No little legs to betray him as he hid. Nothing. He finally came bouncing up with a cheeky grin on his face, and I lifted him off the floor in a bear hug. It may have only been a few minutes, but it felt like a lifetime.
And then, I unloaded all my fear and frustration on him, and I deposited him inside the basket. I refused to let him out until we were at the car again. I have never been so scared in my life. I was imagining all the terrible things that could have happened to him. I was imagining all the terrible stories that my wife and mother-in-law had told me about people snatching kids. I’m not sure I could go on if something happened to Troy.
Me:
“What kind of bird?”
Troy:
“A crow.”
Me:
“And he was naked?”
Troy:
“Yeah, he didn’t have any feathers.”
Me:
“Like all over or only on part of him?”
Troy:
“He only had feathers on his head.”
Me:
“Why was he naked?”
Troy:
“Because the other animals took all of his feathers.”
Me:
“Why did they do that?”
Troy:
“Because he was being mean to them.”
Me:
“So, why didn’t they take the feathers off his head?”
Troy:
“Because he was wearing a hat.”
Me:
“I see. What kind of hat was he wearing?”
Troy:
“An octopus hat.”
Me:
“Like a hat that looked like an octopus or an actual octopus as a hat?”
Troy:
“An actual octopus as a hat.”
Me:
“And the octopus just stayed on the crow’s head? He didn’t try to get off?”
Troy:
“No, but the sea monster came and he took the octopus. And he broke the crow’s
hat.”
Me:
“So, the crow didn’t have anything left on his head?”
Troy:
“He still had feathers on it, but the sea monster ruined the feathers.”
Me:
“So, he’s a naked crow with no hat and only feathers on his head.”
Troy:
“No, he’s not naked anymore. He regrew the feathers.”
Me:
“How did he do that?”
Troy:
“Because now he’s not mean. He is good. He actually wasn’t mean. He was a
little shy, that’s why he took the scarecrow.”
Me:
“He took the scarecrow? What did he do with it?”
Troy:
“He wanted the scarecrow so he could sleep with it.”
Me:
“Like a fluffy?!”
Troy:
“Mmm, hmm.”
Me
[laughing]: “I’ve never heard of a crow who has a scarecrow as a fluffy.”
Troy:
“He also had a squirrel fluffy. That was the fluffy that he had. He has a lot
of fluffies.”
Me:
“Is it a real squirrel or a fluffy squirrel?”
Troy:
“It’s a fluffy, and he sleeps with it.”
Me:
“Interesting.”
Troy:
“This is a special story.”
Me: “It certainly is. I can honestly say I’ve never heard anything like it!”
Me:
“I know, bud. The bad man made her upset.”
Troy:
“She’s crying. I don’t like to see her cry, so I gave her my Komodo dragon to
make her happy. And when she’s happy, she can give it back.”
Me:
“That’s very sweet of you. You’re a good boy.”
Troy:
“I don’t like the bad man.”
Me: “Me either, bud. Me either.”
Troy:
“Is she at home?”
Me:
“No, I was talking to her on the phone.”
Troy:
“Is she waiting for us at home?”
Me:
“No, she’s at her home.”
Troy:
“Can we go to her home?”
Me:
“Yes.”
Troy:
“Can we go tonight?”
Me:
“Yes, we CAN go, but we’re not going.”
Troy:
“Why?”
Me:
“It’s too far away to drive tonight.”
Troy:
“How far is it?”
Me:
“It’s almost five hours away.”
Troy:
“Oh.”
Me:
“It takes almost a whole day to get there.”
Troy:
“So, can we go?”
Me:
“Yes, but not tonight.”
Troy:
“Can mama go too?”
Me:
“If she wants.”
Troy:
“I think we should invite her.”
Me:
“Of course we will.”
Troy:
“Okay. I’m going to tell mama that we’re going to Gammy’s.”
Me: “That’s not what I said.”
Misha:
“Hi, Troy’s dad.”
Me:
“Whatcha eating?”
Misha:
“A pretzel.”
Me:
“Oh, wow! Is it good?”
MIsha:
“Yeah, it’s maple…mom, what’s it called?”
Misha’s
Mom: “It’s maple syrup.”
Misha:
“Yeah, it’s maple syrup.”
Me:
“Yum, that sounds good! Where did you get it?”
Misha:
“From the police officer.”
Me:
“You stole Mr. Brian’s snack?!”
Misha’s
Mom: “Oh, she takes his snacks every day.”
Me:
“You do?”
Misha:
“Yeah. Do you want to smell it?”
Me:
“Uh…okay.”
Misha:
“See, it smells like maple syrup.”
Me:
“It sure does. I hope you enjoy it.”
Me:
“What man?”
Troy:
“The man that was sleeping on the sidewalk.”
Me:
“He’s on the other side of the square.”
Troy:
“Can we go over there and touch him?”
Me:
“Why do you want to touch him?”
Troy:
“Because I want to see if he’s dead.”
Me:
“He’s not dead.”
Troy:
“How do you know?”
Me:
“Because he took his shoes off.”
Troy:
“Well, maybe he got shot.”
Me:
“And then they took his shoes off and left them there next to the body?”
Troy:
“Yeah.”
Me:
“Why would they do that? If they were going to go to all of the trouble of
removing his shoes, then why would they leave them there?”
Troy:
“Why would they want his dirty old shoes?”
Me:
“They wouldn’t. But that still doesn’t explain why they’d take them off.”
Troy:
“Maybe they changed their mind.”
Me: “Maybe they did.”
My
Wife: “Pancakes!”
Troy:
“What?!”
Me:
“What sound does a pancake make?”
Troy:
“Pancake!”
Me:
“I know it’s a pancake. What sound does it make?”
Troy:
“Pancake!”
Me:
“Yes, a pancake. What sound does it make?”
Troy:
“Pancake!”
Me:
“So, the sound of a pancake is ‘pancake’”?
Troy:
“Yeah.”
My
Wife: “No, it’s splat!”
Troy: “Splat? You’re so silly!”
Waitress:
“Oh, I’m going to get you some chicken!”
Troy:
“Good, because I’m going to die over here unless I get some food.”
Waitress [laughing]: “I’ll go check on it for you.”
Me:
“Yeah, we don’t have enough curvy pieces.”
Troy:
“I have an idea.”
Me:
“Do you?”
Troy:
“I have a lot of ideas!”
Me:
“I know. That’s great, but I still don’t think you can connect straight pieces
and make a curve.”
Troy:
“It’ll work. Just watch.”
Me:
“I’m watching.”
Troy:
“Hmmm, it’s not working.”
Me:
“Okay, what other ideas do you have?”
Troy:
“I got it! We don’t need curve pieces. We just need a bridge!”
Me:
“Well, the bridge pieces are also straight.”
Troy:
“I got this. Just watch.”
Me:
“I’m watching.”
Troy:
“See, that worked! What do you think of that?”
Me:
“It’s great if you wanted to launch the train off the track and have it crash
over there instead of crashing right here.”
Troy:
“No, that’s not good.”
Me: “I don’t think so either.”
Me:
“I agree.”
Troy:
“Where does this one go?”
Me:
“I think that’s a horn for his nose. It’s like a rhinoceros or triceratops.”
Troy:
“No, it’s a spike that goes on his head.”
Me:
“Yeah, but it’s called a horn.”
Troy:
“No, it’s not a horn.”
Me:
“If it’s not a horn, then what is it?!”
Troy:
“It’s a spike that goes on his head!”
Me [laughing]: “You cheeky bugger.”
Man
[moving aside to let Troy pass]: “Wow, he’s very polite!”
Me [beaming with pride]: “Thank you.”
Me:
“Well, I’m sorry to hear that, but it’s her choice. She has to invite God into
her heart.”
Troy:
“But she didn’t invite Him. She said He’s not in there.”
Me:
“I see. Is God in your heart?”
Troy:
“Yes. But He’s not in Misha’s.”
Me:
“I’m glad He’s in your heart. And I hope that Misha invites Him into her heart
at some point. I don’t think Misha’s mama and dada talk to her about God like
we do with you. Maybe YOU need to talk to her about God. Share with her about
what God means to you, what He’s done for you. Maybe she can learn from you.”
Troy:
“She said God is in her head.”
Me:
“People tend to learn about God before they form a relationship with Him, so I
guess that makes sense.”
Troy:
“God needs to get out of her head and get into her heart!”
Me:
“I agree, but He’s not going to force His way into her heart. He’ll knock, but
she has to open the door and invite Him in.”
Troy:
“He can’t go into her heart.”
Me:
“Why is that?”
Troy:
“She said her heart is cold.”
Me:
“I see. That’s very sad. Just keep talking to her about God, and hopefully one
day she’ll invite Him into her heart.”
Troy:
“I tried! But she keeps saying the same thing again and again!”
Me:
“I know, bud. Just don’t get frustrated. It may take a long time, but it’s
worth it. Just keep trying to talk to her.”
Troy: “Okay.”
Me:
“Well, all babies have a mommy and daddy.”
Troy:
“No, they don’t.”
Me:
“What do you mean?”
Troy:
“Babies only need a mommy.”
Me:
“You have to have both a mommy and daddy to make a baby.”
Troy:
“No, you don’t. You just put the baby in mommy’s belly.”
Me:
“That’s true, but how do you think the baby gets into mommy’s belly?”
Troy:
“I don’t know.”
Me:
“Well, mommy and daddy both contribute half of the baby. Think of it like this
[holding up both of my hands in the shape of the letter C]. This hand is what
mommy gives to the baby, and this hand is what daddy gives to the baby. But
unless you have both parts [bringing my hands together], you can’t make a whole
baby.”
Troy:
“That looks like a heart!”
Me: “That’s right! Because when mommy and daddy make a baby, they love it with their whole heart.”
Troy:
“What’s in that cave?”
Me:
“The ghosts.”
Troy:
“Are they bad guys?”
Me:
“Yes and no. They’re cursed. They’ll only serve the king.”
Troy:
“Who’s the king?”
Me:
“Aragon.”
Troy:
“Are they going to kill him?”
Me:
“No, because he’s the king, and he’s got the sword.”
Troy:
“Oh! There’s so many of them. Do you see them, dada?”
Me:
“Yes, I’m looking directly at the screen.”
Troy:
“Why did that arrow go through him?”
Me:
“Because he’s a ghost.”
Troy:
“Where are they going?”
Me:
“They’re going back into the rock. But don’t worry, they’re going to go with
Aragon to fight the orcs. It’s pretty awesome.”
Troy:
“The ghost army is scary.”
Me:
“Yes, they are, but don’t worry. They’re good guys now.”
Troy:
“Look at those giant elephants!”
Me:
“They’re oliphants.”
Troy:
“Are the oliphants good guys?”
Me:
“No, they’re bad guys. They’re going to stomp on the horse knights. The king is
being stupid, because he’s charging right at them instead of flanking them and
attacking from the sides and rear.”
Troy:
“What are those things on their tusks?”
Me:
“They have spikes attached to them to kill the knights.”
Troy:
“What is that guy doing on top of the oliphant?”
Me:
“That guy is telling him where to go. The other guys are shooting arrows at the
knights.”
Troy:
“Are they all bad guys too?”
Me:
“Yes.”
Troy:
“Are the oliphants going to become good guys?”
Me:
“No.”
Troy:
“They should. I like the oliphants.”
Me:
“I agree.”
Troy:
“Oh no, the giant spider caught him, dada! Is he going to die?”
Me:
“Just watch and see.”
Troy:
“He got him with that pokey. Is he going to die?”
Me:
“It’s called a stinger, and it paralyzes him, so Shelob can wrap him in a web.”
Troy:
“So, is he dead?”
Me:
“No, not yet.”
Troy:
“Who’s that?”
Me:
“That’s Sam. He came back to save Frodo.”
Troy:
“Is he going to kill the giant spider?”
Me:
“Just watch and see.”
Troy:
“Uh, oh. That’s not good. She’s going to get him with the stinger, isn’t she?”
Me:
“No, Sam doesn’t get poked.”
Troy:
“Why is she running back into her cave?”
Me:
“Because Sam stabbed her with his sword.”
Troy:
“So, is Frodo dead now?”
Me:
“No, he’s just paralyzed. But Sam thinks he’s dead.”
Troy:
“Is that why he’s crying?”
Me:
“Yes.”
Troy:
“Who’s that?”
Me:
“It’s the orcs.”
Troy:
“What are they doing to Frodo?”
Me:
“They’re carrying him back to their tower.”
Troy:
“To eat him?”
Me:
“No, he’s just a prisoner.”
Troy:
“How’s he going to get out?”
Me:
“Sam’s going to save him.”
Troy:
“Why are they fighting each other?”
Me: “Because they’re bad guys. Evil always turns on itself.”
