Business on the Top...Party on the Bottom

Lately, for some reason, Troy refuses to sleep with pants on. We’ll put them on him, and sometime in the night, he’ll take them off and throw them in a pile on the floor. It doesn’t matter if it’s shorts or long pants. Inevitably, he’ll be pantless by the time he wakes up. The strange thing is that he likes keeping his shirt on…it’s just the pants that offend him. He never used to be like this, so I’m not sure what odd psychological state this would fall under.

Update: Upon asking him why he does this, he responded that he was hot, and the pants were making him sweat. So, mystery solved.

Hey, Siri!

Troy: “Hey, Siri! Call Sweet Pea!”

…nothing happens

Me: “She only listens to me. She knows my voice. You have to sound more like me.”
Troy [in a slightly deeper voice]: “Hey, Siri! Call Sweet Pea!”

…nothing happens

Me: “Good thought, but still not deep enough.”
Troy [in a deeper voice, but still very much a high-pitched little boy voice]: “Hey, Siri! Call Sweet Pea!”

…nothing happens

Me: “Better, but not quite deep enough.”
Troy [so low it’s almost a gurgling croak]: “Hey, Siri! Call Sweet Pea!”

…nothing happens

Me [in a normal voice]: “Hey, Siri! Call Sweet Pea!”
Siri: “Calling Sweet Pea…mobile.”
Me: “Siri knows who her true master is.”
Troy: “I think she’s broken.”

The Spiderweb

Today, we decided to go on a playdate with Misha. What was different and significant about this playdate was that it was the first time we had been invited over to their home. Of course, we didn't actually make it inside, but we're getting closer! We went to a park at a school nearby, which had a pretty tricked out playground complete with a really tall slide, a fort, a swinging bridge, and a tower that looked like a giant spiderweb. I decided to chase the kids around, and they enjoyed ganging up on me. We even met a boy named Miles on the playground who agreed to be on my team to help me out. All in all, I think the kids had as much fun as I did. After a late lunch at Zaguan's, we were all ready for a nap.

Regional Elf

Troy: “What are you doing, dada?”
Me: “Wrapping presents.”
Troy: “Shouldn’t Santa be doing that?”
Me: “He will.”
Troy: “So, why are you doing that? Do you not believe that Santa is coming to our house?”
Me: “Of course he’s coming! Why? Did you hear something?”
Troy: “Then, you shouldn’t be wrapping presents.”
Me: “Did you ever stop to think that Santa has workshops all over the world and that our house is one of them? I work for Santa. I’m the elf for this region. It’s my job to get presents ready for people around here.”
Troy: “Oh, that makes sense. Carry on wrapping presents then.”
Me: “Thank you.”

The Warrior

Me: “Troy, what do you want to be when you grow up?”
Troy: “A warrior!”
Me: “Okay, what kind of warrior?”
Troy: “One that helps people.”
Me: “Okay, what kind of warrior though? A soldier? A policeman? A ninja? An international assassin? A spy?”
Troy: “I don’t care. I just want to fight bad guys.”
Me: “I see. Well, you have a warrior’s heart. Now, we just need to work on those muscles!”
Troy: “What?! I’m so strong!”
Me [laughing]: “I know you are.”

The Bouncer

Whenever I take Troy to the bathroom in a public place, I always stand guard over him. If he’s standing at the urinal, I’ll stand behind him and block everyone’s view from his backside. I used to think I was being overly paranoid and protective until I saw another father doing that in the bathroom too…back to the urinal, arms crossed, looking like a bouncer. Respect!

Spare the Rod

Tonight, after Troy got out of the shower, I asked him if he’d put his clothes on yet. I was in the other room answering a text message, so I couldn’t see him. He told me three times that he had put his clothes on. However, when I walked into the room a few minutes later, he was still buck naked. He had point blank lied to me multiple times. I lost it and started yelling at him about how wrong that was and how much I disliked being lied to. As a punishment, I told him that he’d lost me reading him a book, and he had to go to bed early…he was done for the night. He mouthed off to me and told me that he wasn’t; so I grabbed his naked body, draped him over my knees, and spanked him for the first time in his life. Three swats that left red handprints on his bottom. I don’t think he really understood what was coming when I grabbed him, but he understood all too well after that first swat. He tried to get away from me, but I held him in place until he’d received all three. Then, I let him go to run crying to his mother who was still in the shower. I didn’t want to ever get to a point that I had to spank my son, but it’s been a long time coming. He’s been cheeky and mouthy for months now. The lying was the last straw.

The Winter Wonderland

Troy's daycare had an event tonight called The Winter Wonderland, which was supposed to be a celebration of all of the winter festivals, holidays, and traditions. Each class chose a specific observation, like Christmas, Hannukah, Kwanzaa, Diwali, or Chinese New Year. Our class got stuck with the Winter Solstice. The problem was thinking up ideas on how you could explain the holiday to a kid in a meaningful and memorable way. 

My first thought of Winter Solstice was druids and Stonehenge, but my wife nixed that idea pretty quickly. Instead, she and her committee decided on snowflakes, pine boughs, and mystical trees of life. Each table was supposed to come up with an activity for the kids, and our table had stuff to make snowflakes out of pipe cleaners and beads. The kids enjoyed it, and my wife made it more magical with her enthusiasm and warm smile. We were also one of the few tables that actually had someone there, showing the kids what to do.

Some of the other activities of note were the popsicle stick Christmas trees, felt gingerbread men, and marshmallow snowmen. The latter being the most popular table, as the kids got to eat their creation after they were done making it! I was able to take Troy around to all of the tables, while my wife manned our table, and we even had a photo op with Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus. It was a fun night, and kudos to my wife for going the extra mile with it.

I loved You First

Troy: “Dada!”
Me: “Yes, Troy?”
Troy: “I love you!”
Me: “I love you more.”
Troy: “I love you most.”
Me: “I loved you first.”
Troy: [sighing]
Me: [laughing]
Troy: “Mama!”
My Wife: “Yes, Troy?”
Troy: “I love you!”
My Wife: “I love you too, baby.”
Troy: “I love you more!”
My Wife: “I love you most.”
Troy: [looking at me smugly] “I love you more than dada!”
Me: [scowling]

I Heard the Christmas Bells...er, Roars!

The Heard Museum did a special "Holidays at the Heard" tonight, where they decorated the Dinosaurs Live! trail with Christmas lights and decor. All of the dinosaurs had on festive hats, wreaths, and lights to get everyone in the holiday mood. It was neat to walk through the woods with only Christmas lights to guide your trail. And I dare say the dinosaurs looked less menacing coming out of the shadows when they were doing so wearing Santa hats.

We decided to go with Charlotte and her family, which was great except for the fact that Charlotte was overly excited about the lights, the dinosaurs, and the general feel of Christmas in the air (God forbid). I say this was unfortunate, because for some reason it seemed to irk Troy to no end, and he couldn't stop whining to me about it. After the third time, I'd had enough, and his attitude ruined the entire night for me. What made it worse was the fact that my wife, as usual, was off conversing with Charlotte's mom and dad, leaving me to deal with Troy's sourness all by myself. And the cherry on the top was that it was cold and windy outside, and I was ill-prepared for the weather. So, I was already a bit miserable to start.

And once I got into a bad mood, everything Troy said and did irritated me. At one point, I even walked away and left him with my wife, because I was so furious. Of course, once I was out of the picture, Troy suddenly was in a great mood and thoroughly enjoyed dancing with my wife to Christmas music and playing with Charlotte in the leaves. So, I was left fuming on my own, while everyone else had a wonderful time.

We ended the trek through the woods with hot chocolate, which soothed my bitterness somewhat. It also helped that Charlotte's dad, perhaps sensing my irritation, came over and told me that he'd been having a rough week with Charlotte too. It helped, but the damage was done, and I missed the enjoyment of the entire experience. Because Troy was upset that someone else had joy, he decided to rob me of mine.

Be Prepared!

Me: “Be prepared, mama got you some new shoes. So, she’s probably going to want you to try them on.”
Troy: “So, you want me to be a hyena?”
Me: “A hyena?”
Troy: “Yeah, Scar and his hyenas.”
Me: “Oh my gosh! You mean because of the song from the movie?”
Troy: “Yep.”
Me [singing]: “Be prepared…be prepared…”
Troy: “I don’t want to be a hyena.”
Me: “I didn’t say you had to be a hyena. You can be prepared and not be a hyena. I am amazed though that you associated that phrase to the movie. That’s awesome! You’re so smart!”

Pinstack

Today, we celebrated Read’s birthday, a little boy in Troy’s class, at Pinstack. Pinstack has bowling, arcades, laser tag, bumper cars, zip lining, and a rock wall. It was pretty much Troy’s first time doing any of that, so we weren’t sure what his reaction would be. Bowling was a disaster. Not only did Troy drop a bowling ball on his foot, but his initial throw made it all the way down the lane only to drop off into the gutter at the last second. He promptly declared that bowling sucked, and he never wanted to play it again. They pulled out the bumpers and guiding rail, didn’t even know that was a thing, and the kids had more fun. They also didn’t really keep score, so it was kind of a free-for-all.

After bowling, we had chicken strips and cupcakes before heading to the arcade. They gave us a two-hour game card which we used on a single game. All Troy wanted to play was a pirate shooting game, where you battle rock monsters, giant snakes, demonic skeletons, and even the kraken. It was pretty fun. My wife and I both played it with him. We tried to get him to play other games or with his friends, but he wouldn’t have it.

By the time we ran out of time, everyone else had already departed, including the birthday boy. We stopped at Ford’s Garage for hamburgers before heading home for a late nap.

Zombie Fingers

Troy [bursting into tears]: “Aaaaeeeeiiiii!”
Me: “Oh my gosh, what happened?!”
Troy: “I bit my finger!”
Me: “Ouch, I bet that hurt. Which one?”
Troy [pointing at his thumb]: “This one.”
Me: “Your thumb, huh? Yeah, I see it turning red. Looks like it might bleed. The bad news is that since you bit it, it’s going to turn into a zombie thumb.”
Troy [chuckling despite the pain]: “No, it’s not!”
Me: “Oh yeah it is. It’s going to start coming after you saying, ‘Braaaaaiiiiinnnnssss!’ You’ll be sleeping, and you’ll feel something crawling up your chest, and you’ll wake up to find it’s your thumb coming for you.”
Troy: “You’re so silly! You can’t just turn a thumb into a zombie, it would turn everything into a zombie!”
Me: “I’m not so sure. I’d keep an eye on your thumb for the next few days.”
Troy: “Dada!”
Me: “I’m serious.”