Missing My Boy

I took Troy to daycare today, and I decided to stop at the Mandalay Canals on my way home. As I walked along the quiet, desolate waterway, I felt a certain loneliness. Not because I was virtually the only human being out here on a Friday morning, but because Troy wasn’t with me. Without even realizing it, this has become our place together, like so many others. It feels strange to be here without him.

I miss him skipping and dancing along the water’s edge. I miss him asking me what kind of sea monster lives in the lake. I miss him insisting on walking up and down every stairway, ramp, and parking garage along the way. I miss him chasing the ducks and petting every dog we pass. I miss him asking me to take him out on the gondola boats. I miss the incessant questions and his little voice filling the chilly air.

It’s just not the same without him. I didn’t really realize how much of my life that he had taken over. It’s impossible to envision it without him. I love him so much it makes me cry.