Tooth Fairy Inflation

Troy now has his permanent teeth coming in, and they're trying to push his baby teeth out. Troy is apprehensive about helping the baby teeth to their final destiny, so he just has several wiggly teeth that he continuously pushes around his mouth with his tongue. Despite my offering to tie one end of a string to them and the other end to the doorknob, slamming it to progress the process, he has adamantly refused. I also offered to punch him in the mouth to knock them all out quickly, like my brother did to me, but again this most generous offer was met with refusal.

So, I decided that the least I can do is to prepare for the inevitability of the tooth fairy visit. When I was little, my stepmother made me a small pillow with a pocket on the front where I could put my teeth. Each night, my tooth went in, and by the next morning, a coin was left in its place. That coin might have been a nickel, or a dime, or if it was a particularly big tooth, a quarter. So, when I pulled out the pillow and sent a picture of it to my stepmother, we had quite a funny exchange.

Me: "Do you remember this pillow?"

Stepmom: "Yes, I remember it, but I think inflation has hit the tooth fairy industry."

Me: "Nah, I just had a cheap tooth fairy!"

Stepmom: "Many, many years ago, bread was a nickel!"

Me: "Many, many year ago, we all walked around naked. What's your point?"

Stepmom: "I give. We were cheap!"

Me: "We?! You were in cahoots with the tooth fairy?!"

Stepmom: "I was on her payroll. I worked part-time for other imaginary creatures also. Near the end of the year, I did some stealth reconnaissance, involving low crawls through the den."

Me: "I can't believe I never knew that."

Stepmom: "Well, I haven't been active for years."

Me: "Well, since you've been out of the game for a while, it's gotten worse than we thought. Apparently, the tooth fairy can no longer leave cash. She has to Venmo the money directly into the kid's bank account!"

Stepmom: "Say it ain't so! I think I'd have to buck that tradition. I'm not buying that for a little kid."

My Father (where the heck did he come from): "I'm not sure they'll let you Venmo $0.50 anyway."

Me: "Well, the going rate for a tooth in 2025 is $10.00, so that won't be a problem."

My Father (still not sure how he got on this conversation): "WHAT??????!!!!! That is ridiculous!"