The Unbelieving

Troy: “Dada, how old are you?”
Me: “I’m 387 years old.”
Troy: “No, you’re not! How old are you for real?”
Me: “387.”
Troy: “Mama, how old is dada?”
My Wife: “What did dada say?”
Troy [clearly not believing her either]: “Fine, how did you get to be so old?”
Me: “It’s the wolf blood inside me. It gives me longer life than normal. So, I may look like I’m in my 30s, but I’m really not.”
Troy: “You are not a werewolf!”
Me: “Yes, I am.”
Troy: “Mama, is dada a werewolf?”
My Wife: “What did dada say?”
Troy [exasperated]: “Fine, then how come I never see you turn into a wolf?”
Me: “Avocados.”
Troy: “What is that supposed to mean?!”
Me: “I can prevent turning during a full moon by eating avocados. But don’t tell anyone that I’m a werewolf. Only you and mama know.”
Troy: “I still don’t think you’re a werewolf.”
Me: “Just like you don’t think I have the Force?”
Troy: “You don’t have the Force!”
Me: “You saw me close the refrigerator door from across the kitchen without touching it! How can you not believe?!”
Troy: “Because you pushed the door.”
Me: “Yeah with my mind!”
Troy: “No, with your hand.”
Me: “I wasn’t even touching the door at the time!”
Troy: “Well, then it was already closing on its own. You didn’t use the Force.”
Me: “What about that time that I sent you that spoon for your food without moving?”
Troy: “Mama brought it to me!”
Me: “But who made mama do that? I used Jedi mind tricks on her.”
Troy: “She did it on her own.”
Me: “What about the time that I pushed mama’s car out of the driveway with the Force?”
Troy: “It was already rolling down the driveway.”
Me: “What will it take to make you believe?! What more can I do?!”
Troy: “Sorry, dada. You’re not an ancient werewolf with the Force.”
Me: “I don’t even know who you are anymore!”