Chess Ninja

Me: “How was chess club?”
Troy [shrugging]: “I dunno.”
Me: “You didn’t go?”
Troy: “I did, but I don’t remember.”
Me [exasperated]: “It was yesterday. How did you forget already?!”
Troy: “Oh wait, that’s right, I was a chess ninja, but nobody picked me.”
Me: “Oh, I’m sorry that nobody picked you.”
Troy: “No, that’s a good thing.”
Me: “It is? Okay, then congratulations, I guess. What’s a chess ninja?”
Troy: “You know what it is!”
Me: “Obviously not, that’s why I’m asking.”
Troy [frustrated]: “I’ve told you before!”
Me: “Even if you did, I might have forgotten. I’m allowed to forget things every once in a while, you know. So, why can’t you just tell me again?!”
Troy: “So, there’s three chess ninjas, and when people are picking partners to play against, they don’t want to pick the chess ninjas.”
Me: “But what are the chess ninjas? Why don’t they want to pick them? What happens?”
Troy [throwing his hands in the air]: “Oh my god, Dada, I literally just told you!”
Me [getting frustrated too]: “No, you didn’t! You told me not to pick them, but nothing else…twice! Just forget it! I’m interested in your life…I’m asking about it…and if you don’t want to tell me, then I can’t make you! But I want to know, and all you do is argue and fight with me about it. In the time it has taken you to argue that I should already know about the chess ninjas, you could have explained the entire concept to me. Instead, we’re just sitting here frustrated right before I’m supposed to drop you off at school. Why do I even bother?! I might as well turn music on and not talk at all!”
Troy: “I’m not arguing with you!”
Me: “Do you even know what arguing means?! Because that statement was also an argument!”
Troy: “Well, no.”
Me: “It’s when you intentionally and forcefully take the opposite side to whatever I’m saying. Like when I say that I don’t know what a chess ninja is, and you tell me that I do.”
Troy: “That’s not what I’m doing.”
Me [losing it]: “Oh my gah, that’s EXACTLY what you’re doing! Just forget it. I can’t do this anymore.”

…I call Troy’s mother…

Troy’s Mother: “Uh, hello?”
Me: “Do you know what a chess ninja is?”
Troy’s Mother: “No.”
Me: “Great, and Troy has never told you what it is? You’ve never had that conversation with him?”
Troy’s Mother: “No.”
Me: “Awesome! Then, when Troy gets home tonight, can you please ask him about it and then tell me what he says?”
Troy’s Mother: “I’m sorry, but why can’t you ask him yourself?”
Me: “I did…multiple times…but he refuses to answer my question. He keeps telling me that I already know.”
Troy: “That’s not what I said!”
Me: “That’s exactly what you said. So, can you please ask him? It’s the only way that I can get information out of him. He apparently doesn’t like to talk to me like he’ll talk to you, even if I ask him this exact same questions.”
Troy’s Mother: “Uh, sure.”
Me: “Thanks.”