Breaking Up is Hard to Do

I recently heard a quote in a movie that said, "Being the mother of a son is like having a boyfriend that is slowly breaking up with you," which I think is a slight adaptation of a quote from Mia Freedman, an Australian writer, who penned an essay titled “Your Son Growing Up Will Feel Like the Slowest Breakup You’ve Ever Known.” While this is about mother's, the quote hit me pretty hard as a father too. In essence, you're watching your son grow up and become more independent.  And with that independence comes them pulling away to go live their own life.  But the change is so subtle over the process of years that you don't notice until one day they're just gone. Or as Carolyn Moore put it, "our babies grow up when we’re not looking and entirely without our consent."

I feel this with Troy.  He's growing up so fast, and I love watching his personality develop and change. But I also loved the little boy he was yesterday too. I like how Mia Freedman puts it:

"…you don’t actually parent one person, you parent many, many different people who are all your child.

"There’s the newborn, the baby, the toddler, the pre-schooler, the primary aged kid, the pre-teen, the adolescent, the full-blown teen, the young adult and then the adult. They all answer to the same name. They all call you Mum. And you never ever notice the inflection point where one of those people turns into the next.

"You never get to properly say goodbye to all the little people who grow up because you don’t notice the growing, the changing. Except when Facebook sends you those bloody memory reminders that invariably make me cry because it’s like showing me the face of someone I can never see again. Not in that way. Not at that age."

I want to hold onto each of his stages forever, but I know I can't. I have to say goodbye to each one and let Troy grow. I have to let him spread his wings, test the movement, and then make the leap. Because if I don't, I'll never get to see him soar.