Sweeney Troy

Troy: “Dada, will you play donut shop with me?”
Me: “Sure. What kind of donuts do you have?”
Troy: “What kind of donuts do you want, and I’ll make them?”
Me: “I want donuts that spell out ‘3 WOLF.’”
Troy: “Okay, let’s see. There’s a 3, and we have a W, an O, another O, and a F.”
Me: “I didn’t say ‘WOOF’ like what a dog says, I said ‘WOLF’ like my people.”
Troy: “You’re not a werewolf! Fine, ‘WOOLF.’”
Me: “Whatever, I can always eat the extra ‘O,’ but I’m not paying for it.”
Troy [throwing my ‘donuts’ on the floor]: “Here are your donuts.”
Me [grabbing the donuts and starting to leave the shop]: “What the heck, man! Why’d you throw my donuts on the floor?! I’m not paying for those!”
Troy [coming up behind me and stabbing me with his Wolverine claw, then rifling through my pockets]: “Yes, you will! Now, give me ALL of your money!”
Me [as a different customer]: “Hello, I had a phone-in order. Oh my, is that blood on the floor?”
Troy: “Yeah, don’t worry about it. What did you want your donuts to say again?”
Me [stepping over the ‘blood’ on the floor]: “U R A ST4.”
Troy: “Do you mean ‘STAR’?”
Me: “No, I mean ‘STA.’ We’re from Boston.”
Troy [throwing my ‘donuts’ on the floor]: “Okay, here you go.”
Me: “Why did you throw them on the floor?! Couldn’t you have put them on the counter?! I’m not paying for those. I’m going next door.”
Troy [coming up behind me and stabbing me with his Wolverine claw, then rifling through my pockets]: “Yes, you will! Now, give me all of your money!”
Me [as a different customer]: “Hi, I want some donuts. Oh my gosh, is that a dead body?”
Troy: “Yeah, he wouldn’t pay for his donuts.”
Me [turning to leave]: “That’s disgusting. I think I’ll just go next door.”
Troy [coming up behind me and stabbing me with his Wolverine claw, then rifling through my pockets]: “No, you won’t! Now, give me all of your money!”
Me [as a different customer]: “What is going on in here?!”
Troy: “I’m just waiting for someone to clean up these bodies. What can I do for you?”
Me [backing out of the door]: “I’m good man. I’m in the wrong place. I meant to go next door.”
Troy [tackling me to the floor and stabbing me with his Wolverine claw, then rifling through my pockets]: “Too late! Give me all of your money!”
Me [in my normal voice]: “Dude, this is no way to run a donut shop, man. You can’t kill all of your customers. Then, who will buy your donuts?”
Troy: “Yes, I can! I want all of their money!”
Me: “Geesh, man. You’re like Sweeney Troy, the Demon Donut Shop Owner from Fleet Street up in here!”