Booster

Today, Troy had his class field trip to the Perot Museum, and I missed it. I’m sick about it…but frankly I’m also just sick. I’ve been congested and coughing violently since last Sunday, so I didn’t feel that it would be a good idea to be around the kids. So, my mom came up to go in my place. Gauge’s parents left on a vacation for two weeks, so my wife volunteered to chaperone Troy and Gauge on the field trip. Knowing that she’d never be able to keep up with the two of them alone, I wanted to make sure that she had backup.

But I was very disappointed. I was looking forward to running around with them at the museum and doing the raptor dancing. It’s the first major event at his school that I missed. Troy has been talking for weeks about all the things we were going to do together, and I missed them all. Oh well, he had a good time. It was my mom’s first time at the Perot Museum, and she’s been asking to go for a while now. So, she was in hog heaven at the opportunity, although I’m sure she wished I would have been there to enjoy it with her. She and my wife were nice enough to send me pictures throughout the day, so I couldn’t be “apart” of it.

But since we were supposed to be taking Gauge home after school, I had to figure out a way to secure him into the car. His parents, along with most of the other parents in Troy’s class, had already made the switch from a car seat to a booster seat. I’ve been delaying making the switch for a while now, but Troy has been complaining about how tight the seat belt is. So, this gave me the last nudge I needed to make the move. I bought two new booster seats and figured out how to set them up in my wife’s car. That way, Troy and Gauge could ride in style.

RoughRiders

Gauge’s parents asked if they could pick up Troy tonight and take him with them to the Frisco RoughRiders baseball game. It was Troy’s and Gauge’s first baseball game, so it was a special treat. I found it interesting that my first reaction was that I wanted to go too. Not because I have a particular interest in the Frisco RoughRiders nor a particular interest in watching baseball. But because I wanted to be there to experience it with Troy. I want to experience everything with him, especially his firsts, and I was jealous that somebody else was getting to do it instead. But I let him go, because it’s not healthy for either of us to never be apart. One day, it will happen on a grander scale, and we need to start learning how to accept it.

But I wasn’t the only one feeling the separation anxiety. Troy missed us about halfway through the game, and he asked Gauge’s mom if he could call us. He was having a lot of fun, and I guess we’re the people he would normally tell, but when he turned to talk to us, we weren’t there. It was good to hear his voice, and I’m glad he had a good time.

The tickets they got were amazing. They were right behind the home team’s dugout in the first row. I’m not sure the kids watched too much of the baseball game, but they greatly enjoyed the antics of the mascots, who were dancing on top of the dugout. They even got a picture with one of them. And afterward, Gauge’s parents took them to the gift shop, where Troy bought…a Minecraft sword. Nothing related to baseball or a memory of the game. Oh well. He had fun, so that’s what’s important.

Ace!

Troy: “Dada?”
Me: “Yes, sir.”
Troy: “Do you think The Spot is funny?”
Me: “Sometimes, but he’s also a bad guy.”
Troy: “Well, I think he’s ace!”
Me: “That scene when he’s trying to steal the ATM is pretty funny. I like it when the food comes through his spot.”
Troy: “Oh my gosh, Spider-Man is inside Spot!”
Me: “Awkward!”

T-Rex the Spy

Me: “Good morning, bud.”
Troy [groggily crawling into my arms]: “Morning.”
Me [carrying him downstairs]: “So, did you have any dreams last night?”
Troy: “I don’t remember.”
Me: “Well, I had a dream about T-Rex, and he was a spy.”
Troy [snickering]: “A spy?”
Me: “Yeah, he was dressed up in a little black suit with a white shirt and a black tie. He had dark sunglasses on, and he was coming around the corner, holding a gun in his tiny little arms. In another scene, he was jumping out of an airplane with a parachute and skydiving goggles, and his tiny little arms were flapping in the wind. Basically, it was a whole bunch of scenes of T-Rex trying to overcome his tiny little arms.”
Troy [laughing]: “That’s hilarious!”

Easter Band-Aids

Troy: “I can’t believe that every Easter egg is filled with money and candy!”
Me: “You’re lucky. One Easter, when I was your age, my Mimi put bandaids in my Easter eggs.”
Troy: “What?! Why?”
Me: “I really have no idea. I’m not sure if it was a last-minute thing, and that’s all she could find around the house, or if she just assumed I’d need them, because I got hurt a lot.”
Troy: “That’s weird.”
Me: “Agreed. Come to think about it, I don’t think she put bandaids in my brother’s or cousins’ eggs. Just in mine. You can imagine my excitement at finding that inside when I split them open…not!”
Troy [handing me a piece of chocolate]: “Here, dada. You need this more than I do. Your childhood sucked.”
Me: “Just that one Easter, but I’ll take the chocolate anyway. Thank you.”

Those People

Me: “What’s wrong, bud?”
Troy: “Mama made me change my shirt.”
Me: “Oh, what was wrong with it?”
Troy: “Nothing. She just made me change it.”
Me: “Well, maybe it’s because this one matched the blue fire in your pants better.”
Troy: “I don’t care if it matches.”
Me [picking him up in a hug]: “Some people go out of their way to match their clothes.”
Troy: “Well, I’m not like those people!”
Me [laughing]: “Fair enough. But mama is, so maybe you can just wear this shirt for her today, and you can wear the other one tomorrow.”
Troy: “I guess. You know, I really love you, dada.”
Me: “I love you too. Now, give me my hugs!”
Troy [jumping out my arms and making a run for it]: “No!”
Me [chasing him]: “I want my hugs!”
Troy [laughing]: “I’m not giving you a hug!”
Me: “Yes, you will! Now, stop running, so I can grab you!”

Taekwondo - Part 2

I ended up taking Troy to a different martial arts dojo today, Rodriguez Martial Arts, which is right next door to his Kumon lessons. I’ve been observing it for a while now, and it seemed very popular. In addition to Taekwondo, they also do Jiu Jitsu, which is cool if Troy decides he’d rather grapple instead.

I have to say that I was much more pleased with this experience. Not only were all of the instructors extremely nice, but they also explained and demonstrated why they were asking the kids to do certain exercises. They also spent more time working on blocks, punches, and kicks…which the other place barely touched on.

Troy also had fun, although he was disappointed that he wouldn’t be at the same place as Gauge. I tried to explain that he wouldn’t be in class with Gauge anyway, but that didn’t seem to register with him. I think he’ll be okay once he starts to get used to it and to feel more confident with the moves. And the best part…they demand respect in everything! When they ask the kids to do something, they require them to say “Yes, sir!” and “Yes, ma’am!” If they have to ask the kids to do something more than twice, then they make the kids do pushups for not listening. If the kids are late, then they have to ask permission to enter class. I love that part.

The cost of this dojo is month to month with no down payment, and it still comes out to exactly the same price as the other place’s annual rate. Plus, the uniform is included, which I had to buy at the other place. So, I’m even more convinced that the other place was just a ripoff.

But we did have a strange thing occur today. I had given Troy his Crocs to wear, so they’d be easier to get on and off. He put them in the little shoe cubby before class, and when he went to get them after class, they were gone. Some other kid had taken them. There was a smaller, very similar pair of Crocs there, so maybe it was an honest mistake. We waited to see if the “offender” would notice and bring them back, but they never did. So, we lost a pair of shoes on the first day!

UPDATE: I checked back in the following Monday and there was still no sign of the shoes. How could a parent not realize that their kid had the wrong shoes?! But to make matters worse, they apparently had come back and gotten the smaller pair too. So, now they have their own shoes AND Troy’s!

UPDATE UPDATE: The shoe thief was in Troy’s class today, and as soon as Troy saw the kid put his Crocs in the cubby, Troy ran over and grabbed them. He brought them to me to hold. I told him that they weren’t ours, that they just looked like ours. For one, they were too small for his feet. A mother sitting behind us heard this exchange and asked us if we’d lost a pair of Crocs. When I confirmed that we had, she told me that she had them. She had been wondering where the shoes had come from, and she promised to bring them to the next class. So, maybe we’ll recover the missing shoes after all!

UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE: True to her word, the mother brought back our missing shoes. It’s been over a week in the making, but they finally found their way home again.

UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE: You’re not going to believe this, but Troy’s shoes were stolen again! I have been consciously keeping the shoes with me at the chair instead of the cubby. But today, my wife had to take him to class, and she let him put them in the cubby. And someone took them again! My money is on the same kid, because there was still a pair of little blue Crocs with dinosaurs on them in the cubby when she left. So, now I get to hunt them down for a second time.

Taekwondo - Part 1

My wife and Gauge’s mother have become besties in the last few weeks. They talk all the time and make plans for all kinds of family outings. For example, Gauge is in martial arts, so today, they invited Troy to come try the class with him. I’ve wanted Troy to do martial arts for years now, but I’ve been hesitant because he’s not shown any interest, and because he’s seemed a little too rambunctious. But Gauge’s mother said that’s exactly why they put Gauge in it, because it teaches him respect and discipline. So, we decided to try it, thinking that maybe Troy would be more interested to do it with a friend.

Troy enjoyed the experience. I think it reminded him a little of ninja class, which he’s been bugging me to go back and do again. I wasn’t so thrilled with the instructor or how he was teaching. He had them doing a lot of weird stuff with no explanation as to why or what it would eventually lead to. But the worst part was to find out that Gauge was much more advanced, so he was in an intermediate class, and Troy would be on his own with the beginners. So much for doing it with a friend.

This dojo, Championship Martial Arts, is also ridiculously expensive. The only way to get the overall cost down is to pay for a whole year in advance or to put down a hefty non-refundable deposit, which I’m hesitant to do since I don’t even know if Troy will enjoy it yet. So, I think I may shop around for another place to take him.

Chess Ninja

Me: “How was chess club?”
Troy [shrugging]: “I dunno.”
Me: “You didn’t go?”
Troy: “I did, but I don’t remember.”
Me [exasperated]: “It was yesterday. How did you forget already?!”
Troy: “Oh wait, that’s right, I was a chess ninja, but nobody picked me.”
Me: “Oh, I’m sorry that nobody picked you.”
Troy: “No, that’s a good thing.”
Me: “It is? Okay, then congratulations, I guess. What’s a chess ninja?”
Troy: “You know what it is!”
Me: “Obviously not, that’s why I’m asking.”
Troy [frustrated]: “I’ve told you before!”
Me: “Even if you did, I might have forgotten. I’m allowed to forget things every once in a while, you know. So, why can’t you just tell me again?!”
Troy: “So, there’s three chess ninjas, and when people are picking partners to play against, they don’t want to pick the chess ninjas.”
Me: “But what are the chess ninjas? Why don’t they want to pick them? What happens?”
Troy [throwing his hands in the air]: “Oh my god, Dada, I literally just told you!”
Me [getting frustrated too]: “No, you didn’t! You told me not to pick them, but nothing else…twice! Just forget it! I’m interested in your life…I’m asking about it…and if you don’t want to tell me, then I can’t make you! But I want to know, and all you do is argue and fight with me about it. In the time it has taken you to argue that I should already know about the chess ninjas, you could have explained the entire concept to me. Instead, we’re just sitting here frustrated right before I’m supposed to drop you off at school. Why do I even bother?! I might as well turn music on and not talk at all!”
Troy: “I’m not arguing with you!”
Me: “Do you even know what arguing means?! Because that statement was also an argument!”
Troy: “Well, no.”
Me: “It’s when you intentionally and forcefully take the opposite side to whatever I’m saying. Like when I say that I don’t know what a chess ninja is, and you tell me that I do.”
Troy: “That’s not what I’m doing.”
Me [losing it]: “Oh my gah, that’s EXACTLY what you’re doing! Just forget it. I can’t do this anymore.”

…I call Troy’s mother…

Troy’s Mother: “Uh, hello?”
Me: “Do you know what a chess ninja is?”
Troy’s Mother: “No.”
Me: “Great, and Troy has never told you what it is? You’ve never had that conversation with him?”
Troy’s Mother: “No.”
Me: “Awesome! Then, when Troy gets home tonight, can you please ask him about it and then tell me what he says?”
Troy’s Mother: “I’m sorry, but why can’t you ask him yourself?”
Me: “I did…multiple times…but he refuses to answer my question. He keeps telling me that I already know.”
Troy: “That’s not what I said!”
Me: “That’s exactly what you said. So, can you please ask him? It’s the only way that I can get information out of him. He apparently doesn’t like to talk to me like he’ll talk to you, even if I ask him this exact same questions.”
Troy’s Mother: “Uh, sure.”
Me: “Thanks.”

Cow Revolution

Me: “Hey, Troy, that car has a UFO sticker on the gas tank door. Oh and look, there’s a cow flying it. So, he got sucked up into the UFO by the aliens, and then he took over the ship!”
Troy: “Or maybe he’s going to suck the aliens up.”
Me: “Oh, like a revenge thing for sucking up him and his kind?!”
Troy: “Yeah.”
Me: “I like it! Like there’s this intergalactic showdown between the aliens and cows!”
Troy: “Maybe we could write a story about cows versus aliens.”
Me: “Funny enough, there’s a movie called Cowboys Versus Aliens.”
Troy: “And the cowboys win in the end?”
Me: “Why would you assume that?”
Troy: “Because the good guys always win in the end.”
Me: “Why do you assume the cowboys were the good guys?”
Troy: “Of course they were, so they had to win! The cowboys always win!”
Me: “We live in Dallas. I think we know that the Cowboys don’t always win. But in this case, yes, the cowboys won. But why do you think the aliens are always the bad guys?”
Troy: “Because I’ve never met any good aliens!”
Me: “Have you met some bad aliens?”
Troy: “Well, no.”
Me: “I’ve never met any good aliens. But that’s to say that I haven’t met any aliens at all, not that all of the aliens that I’ve met have been bad.”

The Great Hog

Me [passing wind as we walked around searching for Pokémon]: “Oops! That was really loud.”
Troy: “It sounded like a pig was following us. It was like a sort of grunt or snort.”
Me: “Yeah, I guess it did. Oops! Sorry.”
Troy: “Oh my gosh, dada! You just scared a bird and made him fly off!”
Me [laughing uncontrollably]: “I think he was already planning to fly off.”
Troy: “No, he thought the Great Hog was after him!”
Me [breathless]: “Stop! You’re hilarious!”

Pokémon Go

Troy found a boy in his class, Gauge, that is really interested in Pokémon. As it happens, Gauge also goes to aftercare, so he and Troy spend part of their time looking at Pokémon cards. It started with Gauge giving Troy some of his extra cards, so we got Troy his own cards for Christmas. Now, the two of them compare and trade cards, and I think a few other boys have also joined the swap.

Since Troy has been excited about Pokémon in all forms, I decided to download Pokémon Go on my phone, so we could hunt and capture them in the real world. It also serves to get Troy out of the house and to exercise, since you have to walk around to find them. To capture the Pokémon, you have to throw Poké balls at them. But eventually you’ll run out of balls, so you have to find Poké stations to get more balls. So, Troy and I have been driving around the area trying to find stations, which has gotten us back into exploring the town again.

But I’ve found myself getting a little addicted to the cause. For example, this morning I dropped him off at school, and then I spent the next hour driving through neighborhoods and restaurant parking lots to find Poké stations. And well, I might have captured a few Pokémon as well while I was at it. And after his Kumon session today, Troy and I walked around a shopping center collecting stations and Pokémon until my wife finally called and told us to come home! But I’ve enjoyed spending time with Troy doing something that he enjoys, even if I have no idea what I’m doing.

Favorite "Superhero"

Me: "Oh man, one of the stickers is coming off your water bottle."

Troy: "Yeah, the Batman sticker fell off my other water bottle too."

Me [sarcastically]: "Oh no!  Not Batman!  He's your favorite superhero!"

Troy: "No, my favorite superhero is Venom."

Me: "Venom is not a superhero.  He's a supervillain.  Why would you like a bad guy?!"

Troy: "He's complicated."

Me [laughing]: "My boy!"

Morning Drive Conversations

Me: “I like the black paint job on this car in front of us. It’s a matte finish instead of being all shiny. It looks cool.”
Troy: “Oh, they go to my school! See the stocker on the back window?”
Me: “Yeah. I wonder if they’ll go down the main drive or the drive behind the church like we go. What do you think?”
Troy: “Um, both.”
Me [laughing]: “They can’t go down both. It’s either one or the other.”
Troy: “Then, the same as us.”
Me: “I think it’ll be the main drive.”
Troy: “I still think it’ll be both, but you made me choose.”
Me: “Okay, tell me. How can it be both?”
Troy: “Well, the car could get sawed in half. Then, one half could go down one road and the other half down the other.”
Me: “What, you think there’s some giant saw that comes out of the road and cuts cars in two?!”
Troy: “Maybe.”
Me: “Let’s assume for a second that that’s true. The front half’s bum would be dragging on the ground, and the back half would just stop because it wouldn’t have an engine!”
Troy: “Sure it would. It would just have half an engine.”
Me: “Oh, you’re saying that it would get cut front to back not side to side. Okay, but then what’s to keep each half from just falling over? I mean, it’ll only have two wheels.”
Troy: “If it gets going fast enough it’ll be fine. Like a motorcycle.”
Me: “Fair enough. But then who will be driving the side on the right? There’s only one steering wheel!”
Troy: “I don’t know. There’s a kid in the car, right?”
Me: “But for all we know, that kid is four years old. Are you suggesting that a kid in a car seat that can’t even reach the pedals and that doesn’t even know how to drive will be able to navigate half of a motorcycle car on their own?!”
Troy [giggling]: “Maybe.”
Me: “All right then. I’m putting my money on the main drive, and you’re putting your money on a giant saw cutting the car in half and it going down both ways. I guess we’ll see which of us is right.”
Troy: “I hope it’s me.”
Me: “Me too.”

The Missing Bum

Troy: “Why do we have bums?”
Me: “What would you sit on if you didn’t have a bum?”
Troy: “My legs.”
Me: “Those are just bones. That doesn’t sound comfortable. That’s what a bum is. It’s like a built in pillow for us to sit on. And on a side note, some people also think they’re cute!”
Troy: “That’s true. Babies have cute little bums.”
Me: “So do you, now get dressed!”