Baby Sprinkler

My friend CC had his baby two days ago.  It was a boy, and he decided to come two weeks early.  If I’m going to be honest, I’m actually kind of happy about this fact.  His son was due right around Christmas, which meant that there was a good chance that he would arrive ON Christmas.  This would mean that I would have to share a birthday with someone else other than Jesus, and after 40 years of being the only one, I just didn’t know if I can do that.  But luckily, we dodged another bullet on that one.

Unfortunately, there were some minor complications with the baby, so they are keeping him in the hospital for a few days for treatment.  After being completely confined to the walls of the hospital for four days (two and a half days of labor), he finally texted me and asked if I could come up tonight and keep them company; give them a distraction from the monotony of the routine.  I gladly accepted and headed up after work.

Since I have a baby due in the next couple of months, the topic of conversation obviously centered around babies, and more importantly what it feels like to be a new parent.  So, they were haranguing me with stories about their adventures…and misadventures, if we’re being honest.  We talked about learning to feed him, burp him, swaddle him, hold him, and change him.  They had taken some classes, but when the moment came, they were blanking on the proper technique.  We also have a son coming, which presents special challenges, during changing diapers.  So, I asked my friend the question that is on everyone’s mind about little, baby boys…have you gotten shot in the face yet?  To which he replied, “Not yet.”  But he did have a fun story about how hard his son has been trying to shoot him, which I wanted to share here.

CC’s technique for changing his son is to get the wipes ready, take the old diaper off, grab both of the baby’s legs and pull them toward the baby’s face (if he tries to shoot my friend, then he’ll only get himself!), clean him up with the wipes, and then step away to wash his hands before putting the new diaper on.  It was during this hand-washing moment that the incident happened.  CC had turned his back for maybe twenty seconds at most, and when he turned back his son had a stream of water shooting out of him straight up into the air.  The stream was wildly going everywhere and coating every surface.  There was pee dripping from the ceiling, the blinds by the window, and the walls across the room.  A nurse had unluckily stepped into the room to check on things, and she had to instinctively hide behind her clipboard as pee ricocheted off the other side.  In a matter of seconds, the scene had become complete and utter destruction…like one of those disaster movies on TV that my wife is so fond of watching.  My friend stood there in open-mouthed disbelief for several seconds before jumping into action and covering the source.

Yeah…so, I have THAT to look forward to!