Slap the Baby

After that last post, I was thinking about the act of slapping the baby moments after they're born.  I realize that it was done to clear the baby's lungs of fluid and stimulate crying, but I can't help but wonder what the baby must have thought at that moment. 

Welcome to the world! [Smack!]

We have waited so long for you, we're so happy you're here! [Smack!]

This is to prepare you for the next 80 years of life! [Smack!]

And the baby is over there like, "What the heck!?  I was perfectly warm and content where I was.  I had everything I needed, and nobody bothered me.  Sure it was a bit crowded, but I could deal with that...I was becoming a yoga master after all.  But you couldn't leave well enough alone, could you?!  You squeeze me through a tube, blind me with intense light, expose me to all sorts of sensory overload, freeze me to death, and if that wasn't enough...you slap me too!  I've had enough.  Put me back, I'm not dealing with you morons anymore.  James Bond never had to put up with this crap!"