The Sickening

Since she has been pregnant, my wife has had a higher sensitivity to smells.  Things that the rest of us ignore or pass over seem to really set her off.  But the one thing that seems worse than all of the others is the smell of methane (passing gas) or fecal matter (going to the bathroom...for a while), which we found out the hard way.

We had just gone to bed last night, when I had a terrible rumbling in my stomach.  I suspect I had some bad eggnog...or perhaps just too much of it...but whatever it was, it was causing my stomach to gurgle and bubble.  Hoping to relieve some of the pressure inside me, I gently, quietly released a fart under the covers.  (Now, it should be know that we each have separate covers, having learned long ago that neither of us is good at sharing them.)  As farts are wont to do, it rose up under the covers and sought to escape through the only opening possible...the edge right by my face.  To say that it smelled terrible would be an understatement.  It was hideous.  There are port-a-potties that smell better than this did.  I had to do something, so I flung the cover back to allow it to dissipate and de-concentrate throughout the room.

In less time than it took to release the offending odor in the first place, my wife caught a whiff of it and became instantly nauseous.  With all the power she had left, she sat up, rolled off the bed, waddled to the bathroom, and promptly threw up for the next ten minutes.  She didn't even make it to the toilet.  She just threw up right in my sink.  (Serves me right, I suppose.)

My first thought was concern for her; making sure she was okay, tending to her needs, and cleaning up after her.  But after the feelings had subsided, and she went to take another shower, I started to laugh.  I had just achieved the dubious honor of being the first male in my family to ever make his wife throw up by passing gas!  It's definitely not something I want to repeat.

For the rest of the night, I had to get up and go into the other room whenever my stomach was acting up to ensure that I didn't offend her again.  I was exhausted by the next day, but at least she didn't have another episode.