Kleptomaniac

Our son is a kleptomaniac. He’ll run into the room, grab something...any random object...and run off with it before we can blink an eye. He’ll also go around the house taking things off shelves, off book cases, out of kitchen cabinets, out of drawers, and off desktops; and he’ll take them to another part of the house and hide them. I have found house shoes on top of chairs, socks under curtains, unused diapers in trash cans, underwear in the shower, travel mugs stuffed in between couch cushions, and phone cables in the potted plants. You never know what he took or where you’ll find it. It is a guarantee, though, that he will pick the most awkward moment to pull out your most intimate things. Like when he came running through the house in front of the maid, waving my wife's underwear over his head.

And he has neither fear nor remorse about his bad habit. The best example of this is when the cheeky, little bugger walked right up to me as I sat on the couch reading something on my phone, and he took my piece of cheese off my leg and left me a much smaller, half-eaten piece in its place. When I reached down to get my cheese, I grabbed a soggy, chewed-on lump instead!