Forever!

Troy: “Dada, why does everyone tell me that I’m taking forever? I’m not taking forever.”

Me: “Because you ARE taking forever with everything we ask you to do; changing your clothes, eating your food, coming in the bathroom to take a bath, getting in the car and clipping yourself. You will eventually get it done, but not before making twelve stops along the way to do something else first; laying across the armrest of the couch, playing with a toy, picking up a rock, riding your bike across the house. It’s maddening! I mean the fact that I asked you to put on your clothes seven minutes ago, and we’re having this conversation instead is the perfect example of what I mean. PLEASE PUT ON YOUR CLOTHES!”

Troy: “Dada?”

Me: “Yes, Troy?”

Troy: “I saw a bug on the window.”

Me [in a Scottish accent]: “Heed! Pants! Now!”