Comforting Torture

Troy: “Dada, what are you doing in my bed?”
Me: “I wasn’t feeling well, and I needed to lay down for a few minutes.”
Troy [climbing on top of me like a human blanket]: “Oh, I’m sorry.”
Me [in a strained voice]: “What are you doing?”
Troy: “I’m giving you a hug, so you feel better.”
Me: “Thank you, bud. Wait…what was that noise?”
Troy [giggling]: “I just tooted.”
Me: “Seriously?! Why would you toot on me?!”
Troy: “I just needed to toot.”
Me: “And you couldn’t have done it before you laid on top of me?”
Troy: “No! Do you know what you need?!”
Me: “What?”
Troy: “A lovey.”
Me: “That’s okay, I’m good.”
Troy [getting up and stomping on me as he climbs out of the bed]: “It’s okay, I’ll get it for you.”
Me: “Oof! Okay, whatever.”
Troy [shoving lovies under my arms and legs and putting more on top of me]: “There! That’ll make you feel better.”
Me: “Thank you.”
Troy: “Oooh! I know what you need!”
Me: “Hopefully, you’re not thinking more lovies, because these are making me hot.”
Troy [getting up and stomping on me as he climbs out of the bed]: “Yes! You need a giant bear!”
Me: “Oof! No…I do not.”
Troy: “Nonsense. Hang on.”

…a minute later…

Troy [dragging his giant teddy bear onto the bed and dropping it on top of me]: “Argh, this bear is so heavy!”
Me: “Oof! Yeah, I know.”
Troy: “Awww, he’s snuggling with you. That’s going to make you feel better. Oh, it would be better if it was under the covers!”
Me: “That’s not going to happen.”
Troy: “Why not?”
Me: “Because I’m lying on top of the covers.”
Troy [tugging on the covers and trying to roll me off]: “Well, get off of them!”
Me: “Stop. I’m not a burrito. You don’t have enough muscle to push me off.”
Troy [propping his back against the wall and pushing his feet against my back]: “You want to bet?!”
Me [falling off on the floor]: “I thought you were trying to make me feel better. This is NOT making me feel better.”
Troy: “Since you’re up, can we go play now?”