The Dragon Hunt

Troy asked me to set up a dragon hunt for him today. I wasn’t really feeling like dragging all of the stuff out, but he was so looking forward to it, that I couldn’t disappoint him. So, I decided to make it the most epic “hunt” we’d ever been on.

Me: “Okay, it looks like the first obstacle is this tree with the giant snake in it. How are you going to get past that?”

Troy: [pulling out his sword and whacking the snake with it, pulling down the snake and the tree it was hanging in] “Look at that, I chopped down the tree! I got Kaa!”

Me: “Yes, you did. That was fantastic. You took down the entire forest, and a tree is now laying across the river. Before we cross, what are you going to do about the crocodile in the river?”

Troy: [also whacking it with the sword] “That takes care of the crocodile!”

Me: “Okay, I guess we can now cross the river, but now you have a choice. If you go straight ahead, the path is shorter, but you’ll have to pass through a village. This village is filled with vicious, mean dinosaurs. These dinosaurs are angry all the time. They’ve even formed a dinosaur fight club, so they can get out their aggression while they wait. If you go through there, they will definitely attack you.

Or, you can crawl through this secret tunnel that will lead you around the dinosaur village. It’s a lot longer path, but nothing will attack you on the way. But at the end of the tunnel is a giant wall blocking the path. So, you will have to figure out how to get over it before you can proceed.

Which path do you want to choose?”

Troy [without the slightest hesitation, he takes off running into the dinosaur village, sword flailing wildly] “I’m going to attack the dinosaurs while they’re sleeping!”

Me: “You’re going to take on an entire village of vicious, mean dinosaurs by yourself with a sword!?”

Troy: [running in a circle, whacking each dinosaur with the sword like a maniac] “Yeah! They’re going to try to eat us. Well, everyone except Bumpy. She’s a good guy. We won’t attack her. We’ll take her with us.”

Me: “Wait. We’re now going to carry an Ankylosaurus with us on our journey? Won’t she slow us down?”

Troy: “She’s going with us. She’s a good guy.”

Me: “Okay, you’ve now wiped out the dinosaur village, even the Quetzalcoatlus flying around up there. Now, what?”

Troy: [picking up Bumpy, and juggling her with his sword and binoculars] “Now, we head through the tunnel.”

Me: “But you don’t need to go through the tunnels anymore. Now that you massacred the dinosaurs, the path is clear straight to the sacred mountain.”

Troy: “We’re going through the tunnels.”

Me: “Okay, you’ve managed to crawl all the way through the tunnels, and now you’re faced with a giant wall blocking…”

Troy: [bull rushing the wall of boxes and sending them flying in every direction]

Me: “…the path. Or not. It’s no longer blocking the path. I really thought that was going to take longer to get over.

Okay, now you’ve reached the foot of the sacred mountain. The mountain is protected by two guardians. They will not let you pass until you correctly answer a riddle. The riddle is this. ‘What is black and white and can be dunked in milk and eaten? Mama gives them to you all the time, but you normally twist them open and lick the cream out before eating them.’”

Troy: [thinking a few seconds before taking his sword and cutting down both guardians] “I don’t know, but now we can climb the mountain.”

Me: “You can’t just kill the sacred guardians. You’re supposed to answer their riddle.”

Troy: “They’re dead. Let’s go.”

Me: [sighing] “Fine, you’ve just killed the guardians and climbed over the sacred mountains. You now find yourself in a dark cave. It is too dark to see anything, but you can hear a deep rumbling coming from over there. What do you do?”

Troy: “I turn on a light.”

Me: “Okay, you ignite the Flame of Eternal Fire, and the cave bursts with light. In the distance, you see a giant castle, and in front of the castle is an ice dragon. No ordinary sword can kill the ice dragon. His skin is too tough. What do you do?”

Troy: “That’s why we have Bumpy.”

Me: “Wait. So, you saved Bumpy from the dinosaur village, so she could fight the ice dragon, because she’s the only one that can kill him?”

Troy: “That’s right.”

Me: “You already knew way back then that you’d need Bumpy?”

Troy: “Of course. She’s the good guy. She has to fight the ice dragon with her tail like she did Toro. Her tail can kill him.”

Me: “Wow! Okay. So, Bumpy is our secret weapon. We move to the castle, and we release the Bumpy to fight the ice dragon. Their battle is legendary. The ice dragon breathes blue fire, but Bumpy’s hard armor protects her from the cold flames. Bumpy swings her tail in response, and there’s a crack and a deafening thud as her tail breaks through the dragon’s tough skin and breaks his bones.”

Troy: “And the ice dragon falls down and dies.”

Me: “The ice dragon is now dead. So, now what do we do?”

Troy: “We explore his castle.”

Me: “We explore the ice dragon’s castle, and we find a treasure hoard of gold and jewels. We can’t possible carry it all, but we take a little bit in our pockets and vow to return.”

Troy: “Bumpy will guard the castle for us.”

Me: “And Bumpy becomes the new master of the castle. But it’s okay, because she’s a good guy. Right, bud?”

Troy: “That’s right. She’s the good guy.”

Me: “I’m so glad we saved her from the dinosaur village.”

Troy: “Me too.”