Boy (and Wife) in a Box

My wife ordered a new tool shed from Lowe's, and it came in a giant brown box. As soon as she had it unpacked, Troy was claiming the box as his new TV-viewing "cave." He drug it into the living room, filled it was dinosaurs and pillows, and he settled down to watch some video on TV. I guess he IS part cat after all, since he can't resist getting inside a box, any box that he can find.

My wife also got into the spirit, dumping out all the toys and putting the box over her head. The box was so big, that all you could see were her little legs sticking out of the bottom. She looked like one of those droid units on Star Wars. She proceeded to try to navigate around the house, blindly bumping into furniture and counters along the way, while Troy thumped on the outside of the box. If he tried to take it off, she's start screaming that it was her box! Who knew the entire family would get so much entertainment out of one stupid brown box?!

I'm Melllltttttiiiinnnng!

Troy: “Dada, I’m thirsty.”
Me: “Well, why didn’t you say something before we left the house?”
Troy: “I didn’t know I was thirsty then.”
Me: “Okay, we’ll go back home to get you a drink. It’s raining, so I’m just going to stop in front of the house, and you can run in and grab a juice pouch, okay?”
Troy: “No, you want me to die, don’t you!”
Me: “Of course not! Why would you say that?”
Troy: “Because you’re going to make me run through the rain.”
Me: “You’re going to die from getting wet? What are you, the wicked witch of the west?!”
Troy: “No, but I could be struck by lightning, and then I’ll die.”
Me: “Yeah, if you got struck by lightning, you’d probably die. You’re pretty little.”
Troy: “And a tornado could come and blow me away.”
Me: “Wow! This has gotten so dramatic. Next, you’ll tell me that a snake could bite you on the way up the driveway and poison you.”
Troy: “No, but I could be attacked by a cat.”
Me: “Oh, well, I had no idea it was such a perilous journey to get juice. In that case, I guess I’ll have to pull into the garage.”
Troy: “Thank you.”

Butterfly House

Today, Troy and I went to the Butterfly House at the Texas Discovery Gardens near Fair Park with Charlotte and her father. We thought it would be a nice indoor activity, since it was triple digits outside. But we didn't factor in the tropical, warm and humid atmosphere that they keep the Butterfly House, which I guess the butterflies find appealing. Nonetheless, it was a neat two-story habitat full of foliage and trees and swarming with butterflies of different varieties. It would normally be a nice place to sit peacefully and just rest, but with one five-year old and one almost five-year old, it was anything but peaceful. 

As soon as the sliding doors opened, they took off running like wild monsters, chasing the butterflies and screaming loudly. Knowing that they were in an enclosed environment, Charlotte's father and I just followed along casually behind, following their loud and unmistakable voices. I did manage to break away a few times to take some pictures of butterflies, always away from the kids who would instantly scare the butterflies into a frenzied flight. But I would have liked to have sat down on one of the wooden benches and just enjoyed the chaotic flight patterns or the slow opening and closing of their wings after they landed on a leaf. Maybe I'll come back later with my wife without Troy.

At one point, I told Troy and Charlotte that if they stood very still and were very quiet, then maybe a butterfly would land on them. They were both in colorful purple shirts after all, so it's possible the butterflies would mistake them for flowers. They both tried, but it only lasted for about ten seconds before they grew bored and were once again running around. The butterflies were pretty active anyway, so it wasn't likely they would have landed for long.

After we had our fill of butterflies, we went out into the Discovery Gardens, which was nice but also extremely hot. They had plants, trees, manicured lawns, fountains, and even a little playground for the kids. Statues adorned varies nooks and crannies, most with a butterfly theme. It was very picturesque, but we couldn't handle the heat for very long before we threw in the towel and went back inside for some air conditioning.

Oak Cliff Birthday

Today, Troy and I went to Olivia's fifth birthday party at the Oak Cliff Gymnastics Academy. Being that it was a holiday weekend, only a few people showed up, which was probably best anyway, because the place wasn't very big. It was long and skinny with a small obstacle course and trampoline on one side and a springy running strip and foam pit on the other. They had also set up a bouncy castle for the party.

It was one of the few times that I have actually been able to stand off to the side and converse with other parents. Usually, I'm too busy chasing the kids around, but they had staff to do that for us. Oddly, all of the other kids were brought by their fathers too. So, we had a line of fathers standing along the wall, chatting about where our kids were going next year and what we were going to do with them over the summer.

They had a small viewing room in a loft upstairs, where they served snacks and cake, before the kids ran back downstairs to once again play on the various implements. It was a quaint experience, and the kids seemed to have fun. It was also nice to finally get to know the other fathers a little bit. I mean, it's only been five years!

Roommate Stories

I found myself telling Troy stories about my college roommate today. In particular, I was telling him about the time my roommate’s dog peed on his suitcase, because he thought it was my suitcase, and he was trying to let me know that I wasn’t welcome. It reminded me of all the times that my father would tell college roommate stories to me and my brother. We always loved those stories, and we loved hearing my father laughing at his own stories. I guess I’ve gotten the gift of story telling from my father, and now I’m passing it down to the next generation.

Gone Fishin’

This morning, Troy was trying to teach my wife how to play the fishing game that he and I had found.

Troy: “Push this button here to throw out the line.”
My Wife: “Okay. Hey, the hook is glowing!”
Troy: “Yeah, it’s night. You’ve got to make sure you keep the bar in the middle.”
My Wife: “What happens if it gets off to the side.”
Troy: “The fish will swim away, because he’s scared.”
My Wife: “I see. Oooh, look at that!”
Troy: “It’s a Footballfish.”
My Wife [amazed]: “How do you know that?!”
Troy: “Because he’s big and round. Look, mama, he’s hunormous!”
My Wife [laughing]: “Yes, he is.”

Backseat DJ

In order to play music from my phone through the car speakers, I have to plug it into the USB port. Last week, my USB died, so I had to get a new one. I decided to get one that was longer, so Troy could control the phone from the backseat. With the old cable, he’d just whine and complain about my song choices or offer suggestions that were expected to be followed. This way, I can hand him the phone and let him choose. He’s become like a backseat DJ, and I have to say that sometimes he ventures off into interesting and questionable music choices. Today, we were running through popular Disney songs as Death Metal covers. But Troy appreciates contributing to the car ride home, and it keeps him entertained.

Wally World Splash

Me: “Oh no!”
Troy: “What’s wrong, dada?”
Me: “Today is splash day, and I forgot to put your bathing suit on. I completely forgot that was today until I saw that kid holding a towel. I’m so sorry, bud.”
Troy: “It’s okay, dada. I forgive you. Because that’s what you do when someone makes a mistake. You forgive them.”
Me: “Thanks, man. That means more to me than you know. Okay, let’s figure this out. We need an alternate plan. I have extra clothes in the car and a towel believe it or not, but not shoes. Argggggghhhh!”
Troy: “Well, we tried. I guess we’ll just have to go back home.”
Me: “We’re not giving up that easily. Get back in the car and get strapped in. We’re heading to Walmart!”
Troy: “Really? Because I don’t mind going back home.”
Me: “I bet you don’t! Come on, let’s go. You can play with your Godzilla toys on the way.”
Troy: “Hooray!”

Preschool Graduation

Today, the daycare held a graduation ceremony for the preschoolers as their time at Callier comes to an end, and they all head off in different directions for the next chapter of their lives. I didn’t think I was going to be able to make it, but God stepped up again, and the meetings I had this afternoon all unexpectedly got cancelled. So, I trekked back across town in the rain to get a prime seat right in the front.

After I had told Troy yesterday that I probably wouldn’t be able to make it, he was all smiles to see me sitting there when he walked into the auditorium. He kept looking back over the back of his chair and waving to make sure I was still there. Maybe he thought he’d just imagined it, and he’d look back to find the chair empty. But I didn’t disappear, and I was happy to be able to be there for him.

There were two classes graduating today. The YTC, where Troy’s friends Charlotte and Jacob are, sang a song called, “Look Out Kindergarten, Here I Come.” And Troy’s class, the YAC, sang a song called, “Thank You.” Both were very cute. It was sweet to see the kids acting shy at first and then opening up more as the large audience encouraged and cheered them on. After the songs, the teachers handed out certificates to each kid, while the parents clapped and cheered. The ceremony wrapped up with a refreshments banquet in the gym, which is a fancy way of saying the kids got their snack time.

It was a weird concept to have a graduation ceremony for preschoolers. And it was strange to see the auditorium packed with parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, friends of the family, and former teachers. Some people even bought balloons and flowers for their kids, which seemed a bit over the top. I doubt the kids will even remember this, but at least if Troy does remember, it won’t be because I missed it. I’m so thankful that I got to share it with him.

Defiance

For the past several weeks, I have noticed that Troy has been extremely defiant and disobedient. He intentionally pushes our patience, refuses to listen, and willfully chooses not to obey our requests. It could be minor things like not coming in to take his shower when he’s called, or it could be something bigger, like when he ran away from my wife after school, and she couldn’t find him. She tearfully called and called for him, but he was hiding and wouldn’t come. It had gotten so bad that we were practically yelling at him consistently every day.

And the sad part is that we could have been having a fabulous day with him, and then he’d find a way to ruin it right before he went to bed. I had tried several different approaches, like making getting ready for bed a game or sitting him down and having a calm, heart-to-heart conversation with him, but none of them changed his behavior. And it was starting to affect my own mental and emotional state. I kept waiting for the shoe to drop every day, when everything would eventually fall apart.

And then I remembered that quote from Gladiator, when Marcus Aurelius is explaining to Commodus why he’s not passing the throne to him. “Your faults as a son are my failures as a father.” And I started to wonder what had changed in my own behavior over the past several weeks that could be affecting Troy. So, I did a little self-reflecting, and I realized that I was very stressed out. Stressed out with my relationship with my wife. Stressed out with work. Stressed out with the constant chores of the house that I mostly do alone. Stressed out with the extra projects I’d started around the house. Stressed out with having no free time, no me time, because my wife kept scheduling activities every weekend. And Troy even being slightly out of line was throwing me over the edge.

My wife is generally speaking wound more tightly than I am on most days. She’s had a lot going on in her life over the past year that has weighed heavily on her, and she’s not handled it well. Little things that Troy does (or doesn’t do) irritate her to no end, and it’s not uncommon for her to go from zero to explosion in 2.7 seconds. I serve as the buffer to deescalate the situation, give her a break, and calmly work with Troy to accomplish whatever it is that he’s suppose to be doing. But in my state of extreme stress, I was also finding being constantly put into this buffer role as stressful. So, she’d blow up at him, and then ultimately, I’d end up blowing up at him too.

So, back to Gladiator. It wasn’t necessarily that Troy was acting differently. It was that I was reacting differently. And then my reaction was exacerbating his behavior. My failures as a father were causing his faults as a son. So, I decided to observe my son to see what he needed from me that he wasn’t getting. And I realized that he’d been asking for a lot of hugs lately, which I was reluctant to give, because I was always mad at him. So, I decided to spend the next few days going out of my way to shower him with affection at random times. I hugged him…a lot. I kissed him. I told him I loved him. I praised him for every little thing he did correctly. I thanked him for doing things without being told more than once. And Troy responded.

There was a dramatic change in his behavior. He became the model of a perfect child. He listened. He obeyed. He was overly empathetic and understanding. He was loving and affectionate. He stopped talking back to us. And he became extremely helpful around the house. All of this served to help alleviate some of my stress, which precipitated more good vibes toward him. And the more good vibes he got, the more good vibes he gave back.

So, yesterday, I bought him a present for being such a good boy over the last week. I surprised him with it this morning when he woke up. The elation and joy on his face was priceless. He thanked me profusely, and I was treated to even more hugs as I cut Godzilla and Shimo from their boxes. He even scarfed down his breakfast this morning in record time just so he could spend more time battling with his new toys. The smile didn’t leave his face all morning. I’d say overall this was a much better outcome than what happened to Marcus Aurelius. I’m so glad that Troy didn’t smother me to death with a pillow! I’m also glad to have restored my relationship with Troy. I missed this version of us.

Closed Door Toots

Troy: “Dada, guess what?”
Me: “What?”
Troy [grinning]: “I just tooted when I was in the bathroom.”
Me: “Why’d you do that?! You were in there with the door closed, so the only one suffering was you.”
Troy: “It was bad too.”
Me: “Were you feeling light-headed?”
Troy: “No. Luckily, I didn’t pass out, fall to the floor, and start peeing into the air!”
Me [cracking up laughing imagining that]: “Yeah, it’s never a good thing to be discovered passed out in the bathroom covered in your own pee!”

Happy

Troy: “Dada, are you happy?”
Me: “Not particularly. Are you happy?”
Troy: “No.”
Me: “Why not?”
Troy: “Because I’m sad.”
Me: “Why are you sad?”
Troy: “Because you’re not happy.”
Me: “Well, I’m working on it, but thank you. But I don’t want you to be sad.”

Dino Moon

Today, when I arrived to pick up Troy from school, I was greeted by his T-Rex flufflie mooning me.  Apparently, it was too big to fit completely in his box, so he stuffed the front half in, which left the back half sticking out...tail in the air, bum pointed at anyone who happened to look in his direction.  Which ended up being me.  The worst part was when I pulled the fluffie out of the box, and T-Rex had an impish grin on his face.

Karma Gone Wrong

Me: “Wait, did Bricklebrack die?”
Troy: “That’s not his name. His name is Nettlebrand, and no, he’s not dead.”
Me: “Yeah, I figured that out when he came bursting out of the side of the mountain. Okay, now is he dead?”
Troy: “No.”
Me: “So, he’s not dead yet?”
Troy: “No.”
Me: “But he just fell down the mountain!”
Troy: “Trust me, he’s still alive. You have to keep watching.”
Me: “Why are that guy’s eyes glowing like that?”
Troy: “Because the witch put a spell on him to know where the dragons should go.”
Me: “What witch?”
Troy [sighing and giving me a look like he just can’t be bothered]: “It’s a long story. If you wanted to know, then you should have been watching the whole movie.”

Car Accident

Declan: “Why are we slowing down, mommy?”
Jaye: “Because these cars had an accident.”
Declan: “Oh, he didn’t make it to the potty?”
Jaye [laughing]: “No, baby. It’s a different kind of accident.”
Declan: “Then, why is there a puddle under that car?”
Jaye: “I got nothing.”

What Would Mama Want?

Me: “Okay, we’re here to look for something for your mother for Mother’s Day.”
Troy: “How about a Transformer?”
Me: “Mama doesn’t play with Transformers, you do. Remember, you need to think about what mama likes, not what you like. This isn’t a gift for you, it’s for her.”
Troy: “How about a monster truck?”
Me: “Mama doesn’t need a monster truck! Have you ever seen mama play with a monster truck?!”
Troy: “Maybe that’s because she never had one before.”

Life Lessons

My Wife: “Oh my god, Troy! Why?!”
Me: “What’s wrong?”
My Wife: “He scratched the table with the screwdriver!”
Me: “Did you scratch mama’s table with a screwdriver?”
Troy [looking at me in abject terror]: “…”
Me: “I’m not angry, Troy, but I will be, if you don’t answer me. Did you scratch mama’s table with a screwdriver?”
Troy [very quietly]: “Yes.”
Me: “Why did you do that to the table?”
Troy: “It was an accident.”
Me: “No, it wasn’t. An accident is when something happens that you don’t intend to happen. You didn’t accidentally carve three ‘T’s’ into the table. You did it on purpose. You picked up the screwdriver, and you did it intentionally. What I want to know is why? Were you trying to make mama angry? Were you trying to get our attention? Or did you just not care?”
Troy: “No.”
Me: “Do you realize what you did was wrong?”
Troy: “Yes.”
Me: “Are you sorry about it?”
Troy: “Yes.”
Me: “Well, mama is very upset with you. You need to go and apologize to her, and you need to mean it.”

…five minutes go by, and Troy is still sitting on the floor in exactly the same place…

Me: “Troy, look at me. I’m going to teach you a life lesson right now. You need to go and apologize. You don’t need to be sitting here feeling sorry for yourself. This isn’t about you. You made a mistake. We all make mistakes. But now, you need to go make it right. You need to go fix it with mama. Even if you get in trouble, you need to apologize and make it right.”

…five more minutes go by…

Me: “The longer you wait, the angrier she’s going to get. Just get it over with.”
Troy [finding my wife and giving her a hug, sobbing into her stomach]: “I’m sorry, mama.”
My Wife: “I know. It’s okay. Thank you.”

Warrior for Jesus

Eli’s Stepmom: “Oh look, they put pictures of you guys up and where you’re going to school next year.”
Troy: “Yeah, let me show you mine. I’m right here. I have a cross on mine, because I love Jesus, and I’m going to school to become a warrior for Jesus.”
Eli’s Stepmom: “Oh, yeah?”
Troy: “Yep. That’s what this cross means…that I love Jesus.”
Eli’s Stepmom: “I see that. That makes sense. It says here that you’re going to Liberty Christian School.”
Troy: “That’s right.”
Eli’s Stepmom: “That’s cool. Eli, look at how many people from your class are going to the same school as you next year.”
Eli: “Uh, huh.”

Ninja Feet

Troy has been coming downstairs in the middle of the night again. After several weeks of taking him back to his bed at 3 a.m., I got fed up and just let my wife deal with it. Except her way of dealing with it is to pull him into the bed with her. The worst part is that I know he’s coming downstairs, because I can hear his feet stomping across the floor.

A few nights ago, I heard his footsteps, and I hopped up and met him at the stairs before he could even make it to the ground floor. I shuffled him back upstairs and into bed, much to his displeasure. The next night, the same thing happened. Last night, I heard an initial stomp, which I can only guess was him stepping off his stool onto the floor, but no other footsteps. So, I assumed he had just rolled over into the wall like he does sometimes, and I flipped over and closed my eyes. But then, I heard his feet pattering softly across the tile toward the master bedroom. He had reasoned out that I was meeting him at the stairs because I could hear his footsteps, so he started walking like a ninja across the carpet, so I couldn’t hear him anymore. He’s truly unbelievable.

Like Father, Like Son

Me: “What is this black thing?”
My Wife: “Sorry, you can move it.”
Me: “I wasn’t concerned with moving it. I wanted to know what it is.”
My Wife: “Why does it matter? Just move it.”
Me [taking the mysterious object out of the shower and putting it on the sink]: “Because I’m a curious person. I ask questions to learn things. This is how I improve myself. So, what is it?”
My Wife: “It’s an extender.”
Me: “Are you intentionally being evasive? Why can’t you just tell me what it’s for?”
My Wife: “Because I don’t see why you need to know.”
Me: “Fine. Whatever.”

A few minutes later, Troy walks into the bathroom. He sees the black object on the sink.

Troy: “What’s this black thing, mama?”
Me [cracking up laughing]: “Yeah, Troy! That’s my boy!”

Battle Royale

When I went to use the bathroom this afternoon, I was stunned to find it completely filled with dinosaurs.  Apparently, there was a dinosaur Battle Royale going on in there with all sorts of carnivores and herbivores clawing, biting, and bashing it out for the title of Dinosaur Supreme.  There were even spectators lined up on the toilet and sink, cheering on their favorites.  I decided that it wasn't worth the danger to try to step in there and do my business, so I just slowly backed away and used a different bathroom.